Up To 75% Of Customers Won’t Read It

| NY, USA | Bizarre

(We are having a sale on our furniture. The signs all say “up to 75% off” with the “up to” being half the size of the “75% off”. I know it’s a common marketing plot to catch attention, but we still get a lot of customers in each day thinking EVERYTHING is 75% off.)

Customer #1: “Um, excuse me?”

Me: “Yes, did you have a question?”

Customer #1: “So, like, is EVERYTHING 75% off?”

Me: “No, but the furniture pieces that ARE a part of the sale are all marked from 10-75% off. See, this one is 30% off.”

Customer #1: “So… NOTHING is 75% off?”

Me: “…”

Customer #2: “It’s 75% off all furniture?”

Me: “No, sorry. Just a few pieces are 75% off, but most of our items are marked off from 10-75% off.”

Customer #2: “But the sign says 75% off all furniture.”

Me: “No, it says UP TO 75% off SELECT PIECES.”

Customer #2: “Well, that’s misleading.”

Customer #3: “So, is the 75% off the original price of the sale price?”

Me: “Pardon?”

Customer #3: “Like, is this 75% off the original price, or the 30% off price?”

Me: “Neither. That piece is 30% off. The sale is UP TO 75% off. Some of our pieces are 20% off, some are 50%, 60%, this and this over here are 75% off.”

Customer #3: “Well, that’s just stupid.”

Customer #4: “Hi, I like this. How much is it with the 75% off?”

Me: “That piece isn’t on sale.”

Customer #4: “But it says 75% off.”

Me: “Select pieces. The sale is 10-75% off select pieces. They’re all marked.”

Customer #4: “Well, show me the 75% off ones, then.”

Me: “Certainly. This funky one here is—”

Customer #4: “UGH, ew, no, that’s the ugliest thing I’ve ever seen.”

Customer #5: “Are you going out of business?”

Me: “No, ma’am.”

Customer #5: “Why is everything 75% off then?”

Me: “It isn’t. We are having a sale on our furniture and pieces are UP TO 75% off. We’re just trying to make room for new items.”

Customer #5: “Well, that doesn’t make sense to me. But I’m glad you’re not going out of business. I LOVE this store!”

Me: “Were you looking for something specific today?”

Customer #5: “Oh, heavens no. I can’t afford anything in here. But I’m glad you’re not going out of business!”

It’s Time To Throw In The Towel

| Halifax, NS, Canada | Bizarre, Crazy Requests, Home Improvement

(I’m the stupid customer here. I’m looking for a long carpet for my hallway when I spot something that looks perfect but it’s too short. I find an employee and ask for help.)

Me: “Do you sell something like this but 12-15 ft. long?”

Employee: “That’s very big, sir. Why would you need something like that?”

Me: “It’s for my hallway.”

Employee: “I don’t think we have anything like that in the size you’re looking for.”

Me: “Are you sure? I saw longer rugs in here last week.”

Employee: “Uh… sir, that’s a towel.”

Sitting Down On The Couch On The Job

| NY, USA | Crazy Requests

(I am required to greet everyone when they enter the store. The clerk’s desk is towards the front, so I usually do it as people approach or pass the desk while I process in paperwork. I usually ask if people are looking for anything specific as a follow-up, unless they clearly indicate they are just browsing. A woman walks in.)

Me: “Hello!”

Lady: “Yeah, I’m just browsing, thanks.”

(She flaps her hand dismissively, so I don’t follow up. About twenty minutes goes by with me walking through the space to subtly check on her as she sits on couches and chairs and does things on her phone. I then get caught up with another customer, and return to my paperwork. The woman storms up to the desk, clearly livid.)

Lady: “I have been waiting for over FIFTEEN MINUTES!”

Me: “I’m so sorry, ma’am, did you need help finding something?”

Lady: “Um, YES. I have questions about your couches. I’ve been back there waiting for you to help me.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, you should have said something. You said you were just browsing so I assumed you would let me know if you had questions.”

Lady: “Well, I’m not going to do your job for you, am I?”

(She didn’t end up buying a couch.)

Planting A Seed Of Crazy

| CA, USA | Bizarre, Popular

(My fiancé and I are browsing at a local furniture store for a new bed. This particular store showcases their furniture in different styles, such as a sofa and entertainment center would be set up in a living room style. We are walking past the section where all the office desks, filing cabinets, and other related items are. When I pause to tie my shoe, I notice a woman with a gallon of water.)

Lady: “Don’t tell anybody I’m doing this, okay, hon?”

(She then starts pouring water into the fake plants.)

Me: *flagging down the nearest employee* “Excuse me, but there’s a woman in the office section trying to water the fake plants.”

Employee: “Oh, shoot! How’d she get back in here?” *radios the security guard* “Hey, Andy, Mrs. Francis made her way back in. Can you come escort her out?”

Me: “She’s been here before?”

Employee: “Yes! She’s a local who believes our fake plants are real, so she tries to water them. There are other stores who have fake plants, but she seems to be extremely fixated on the ones we have here.”

(At this point, the security is holding onto the screaming woman’s arm.)

Security: “Mrs. Francis, we’ve already told you. Those plants are fake, and you cannot bring liquids into the store. It will damage the wood!”

(Suddenly the lady sees me standing there and she narrows her eyes at me.)

Lady: “You! I thought you were a good person! You ratted me out, you dumb b****!”

Me: “I’m sorry…”

(As she’s pulled away from the store, I can hear her screaming:)

Lady: “You’re all plant murderers! Not only do you cut down trees to make your furniture, but you starve those poor plants to death! Shame on all of you! I hope you get choked to death by my dangling vines!”

Fiancé: “Well, that was interesting. I wonder what she meant by ‘my dangling vines’?”

Employee: “That’s nothing compared to what she did or said on Arbor Day.”

Me: “What about Earth Day?”

Employee: *shudders* “You don’t want to know, and I don’t want to remember.”

Maybe You Should Sleep On It

| FL, USA | Home Improvement, Spouses & Partners

(An elderly couple comes in to buy a mattress. A coworker of mine is assisting them as they look at a new set.)

Husband: *examining mattress* “Is this mattress double-sided?”

Coworker: “Nope.”

Husband: “Oh… how do you know which side to sleep on?”

Coworker: “The side that has the quilt on it…”

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