More Leftovers, Less Landfill

, , , , , | Right | November 30, 2009

(I work for the city government and received this call the day after Halloween.)

Customer: “The garbage collectors didn’t take all my garbage this morning. They left my pumpkin.”

Me: “Well, sir, where did you leave the pumpkin for collection?”

Customer: “In my recycling bin.”

Me: “Well, that’s why they didn’t take it. You need to put it in your garbage can.”

Customer: “But you can recycle a pumpkin!”

Me: “Sir, what do you think they are going to recycle your pumpkin into?”

Customer: “PIE!”

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Just Another Day At Work

, , , , , | Right | July 29, 2008

(It is Halloween; I am wearing clown makeup, a bright pink wig, and a bright orange shirt with our store’s logo on it in a HUGE font. A woman with a Bible in one hand and a cross in another comes up to me.)

Woman: “Do you work here?”

Me: “…yes.”

Woman: “YOU WILL ALL BURN IN HELL FOR SELLING THESE ITEMS CELEBRATING SATAN’S HOLIDAY!” *turns to customers* “…AND YOU WILL BURN FOR SUPPORTING THEM!”

Manager: *over loudspeaker* “Thank you for shopping at [Store]! All items are now 6.66% off for the next 6 minutes, 66 seconds. Thank you, and have a nice day!”


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Postman 1, Preemptive Strike 0

, , | Right | July 4, 2008

(I’m waiting in line and overhear a conversation between the customer in front of me and postman at the front counter.)

Customer: “I need to ship this package out.”

Postman: “Okay. Would you like to upgrade this to priority shipping?”

Customer: “No, I just want to send this by regular mail. I don’t need anything else or any other services.”

Postman: “Okay, that’ll be $10.00 for the shipping. Do you need any stamps today?”

Customer: “No! No stamps, no certified mail, no post office box, no passport. I just need to ship this package out–that’s it. Did I miss anything?!”

Postman: *without skipping a beat* “Do you need any money orders today, ma’am?”

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Even Bosses Have A Stupid Quota, Part 3

, , | Right | June 9, 2008

A woman with her young son come up to the counter.

Me: “Hello ma’am, and welcome to [Fast Food Place]. What can I get for you today?”

Customer: “I’d like two burgers, one of them on a sesame-seedless bun, please.”

Me: “I’m terribly sorry, but we’re actually out of seedless buns right now.”

Customer: “How dare you! My son has deathly allergies to a lot of things, I’ll have you know!”

Me: “Ma’am, is he allergic to sesame seeds?”

Customer: “No, he isn’t.”

Me: “Well, ma’am, the only difference between seeded and seedless buns are the sesame seeds, so it will be fine for your son to eat one with seeds.”

Customer: “HOW F****** DARE YOU! YOU DON’T TELL ME WHAT MY SON CAN OR CANNOT EAT! I WANT A SEEDLESS BUN, D*** YOU! GET ME YOUR MANAGER!”

Me: “Yes, of course. Just one moment.”

(I go and get the manager and explain the situation. My manager, NOT a people person, grabs a seeded bun and proceeds to the front with a knife.)

Manager: “HERE IS YOUR D**N SEEDLESS BUN!”

(My manager slices off the top half of the bun and throws it on the counter.)

Me: “Have a nice day, ma’am.”

Customer: “Oh, shut the f*** up.”


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Conscience: We Loves It

, , , , , , , | Right | April 23, 2008

(This is around Halloween, and Halloween parties in Madison is THE biggest event of the year. My store has many Halloween costumes and other Halloween-related products during that time. I am at my cash register for check-out when a customer comes up to me.)

Customer: “Hi. Uhh… I’d like to buy these.”

(The customer puts down a wig, make-ups, a pantyhose, condoms, and lubes on my register.)

Me: “Okay.” *starts scanning*

Customer: “…”

Me: *still scanning*

Customer: “DON’T JUDGE ME!” *runs out*

Me: “?!”

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