(A pimply, overweight 18-year-old boy dumps a satin black flame-job man thong on the counter.)
Boy: “Uh, can I return this? My mom got it for me.”
This story is part of the Embarrassing Parents roundup!
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(Talking to a female customer…)
Me: “Do you see the ‘Local Area Connection’ icon?”
Customer: “Yes, I see your ‘Local Erection’.”
Customer: “Can I get a chicken sandwich?”
Me: “Sure. Which bread would you like it on?”
Customer: “Chicken.”
Me: “…Uh, okay, but which bread?”
Customer: “Chicken.”
Me: “Sir, which bread would you like?”
Customer: “CHICKEN!”
Me: *pointing at the bread* “Bread!”
Customer: “Oh, bread! I thought you were saying breast.”
(I don’t know whether to hate my accent or the types of customers we get late at night.)
This story is part of the Chicken roundup!
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Read the Chicken roundup!
Tech Support: “What software are you using to backup?
Customer: “Ms. Dos.”
(The customer spoke like it was a person, like Mr. Dos or Mrs. Dos.)
Tech Support: “What, are you just copying the files with the xcopy or copy command?”
Customer: “Oh, no. I use Ms. Backup for that!”
Customer: “Where are your walnuts?”
Me: “It’s over with the other nuts.”
Customer: “I didn’t see them.”
Me: “They’re next to the cashews. Trust me, when you see them, you will laugh.”
(Time passes, I finish filling my bin and wade through the Christmas crowd to check on the customer. I find her standing right in front of the walnuts. She’s clearly found them.)
Me: “You found them.”
Customer: “Yeah. I couldn’t see them because the sign was in the way.”
(Note that she’s referring to a large, 18-inch sign with three-inch-wide red letters that read WALNUTS. It was added because customers complained they couldn’t find them.)
Me: “You couldn’t see the walnuts because of the sign that said WALNUTS?”
Customer: *angry* “Yeah, that’s right!”
Me: “I… can’t help you.”
This story is part of the Christmas Day roundup!
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Read the Christmas Day roundup!
