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Go To Bed Before Your Brain Blows

, , , , , , | Romantic | November 15, 2021

My husband and I have both been playing on our computers before bed. I go into his office to say goodnight. 

Me: “All right, babe, I’m heading on to bed because I’m falling asleep trying to read this webcomic. I love you! Goodnight!”

Husband: “I’m almost done here. Should be five minutes or so and I’ll join you.”

Me: “Awesome.”

As I walk out the door, I notice he still has a scented candle lit. As he often forgets such things, I begin to lean forward to blow the candle out. Before I can complete the motion, my husband speaks. 

Husband: “Kiss?”

I turn towards him, but instead of kissing him, I blow forcefully on his mouth!

Husband: “What. Wait. Why?!”

Me: *Laughing uproariously* “I was about to blow out the candle when you said, ‘Kiss?’ and so I just… blew in your face, instead! I’m so sorry! You are not a candle!”

Husband: “Yeah, you do definitely need to head on to bed! Don’t worry, babe. I’ve got the candle.”

He did not, in fact, remember to blow the candle out! Thankfully, nothing caught fire overnight, and his office did smell wonderful the next day.

Your Snores Serve To Prove A Point

, , , , , , | Learning | November 15, 2021

I was told the details of this conversation after the fact.

Math Teacher: “I don’t really care how much you pay attention in class so long as you display an understanding of the material on homework and tests. Take [My Name], for example; I don’t think I’ve seen them actually awake in this class, but they’ve got an A. Isn’t that right, [My Name]?”

I snapped out of being half asleep.

Me: “Huh?”

Math Teacher: “Exactly.”

It’s Nun Of Your Business

, , , , , | Related | November 14, 2021

I’m in the car with my mom when we find ourselves behind a car moving VERY slowly. We figure it’s just “Sunday drivers” or possibly “leafers” — tourists from hotter states who’ve come to see the leaves turn color on our trees — but after a few minutes, Mom gets annoyed with them.

Mom: “What are we behind, a couple of nuns?!

As if on cue, the car makes a turn. Into a church. And we can see far enough into the car to see that, yes, we ARE behind a couple of nuns.

Mom: *Gasps* “I’m sorry, Jesus!”

My Eyes Are Up Here, Seriously!

, , , , , | Working | November 12, 2021

I’m a 5’0″ tall woman with G-cup breasts, so my boobs are very noticeable. While I don’t do things to deliberately draw attention to them, there is no way to hide the fact that I have them.

I went to an eye doctor/eyeglasses store for a fresh eye exam and new eyeglasses. I wore a shirt with a mild scoop neck. Even with such a moderately modest shirt on, I couldn’t help but show a lot of cleavage.

After the examination, the eye doctor was assisting me in picking out new frames.

Me: “Which of these two frames do you think looks better on my face?”

He pointed at one.

Doctor: “I think those go better with your boobs. Ummmm, I mean eyes!”

Fortunately, I have a good sense of humor and his slip only made me laugh.

What If It’s A Turkey For Her Pitbull?

, , , , | Right | November 11, 2021

I work in a deli at a very popular chain store. A woman comes up.

Customer: “Hi, I’d like the Pitbull turkey.”

Me: “Do you mean the PitCraft turkey?”

The customer and I both laughed at the obvious.