Me: “[Pizza place], what can I get for you?”
Customer: “I’d like a large cheese pizza.”
Me: “Great. Anything else for you today?”
Customer: “Um… yeah. Could you undercook that? Most of the people eating the pizza don’t have teeth.”
Me: “Hello, ma’am, what can I do for you?”
Woman: “Well, I’m looking for a book to get my daughter reading, but I’m not sure where to look.”
Me: “Okay, what does your daughter like?”
Woman: “She really likes ghosts… and gangs.”
Me: “…?”
Woman: “Oh, she’s a gang member.”
Me: “Um…”
(A tiny, little white girl in a wife-beater hops up to the desk.)
Girl: “Yo, mama, you find me a d*** book yet?”
Me: “…true crime?”
(So, I help them find a book about gang wars, because I guess that fits both stipulations and take them to the register. My manager is working the register and tells me that he used to be really good friends with the mother. After I tell him that she said her little girl was a gang member he tells me that “they both were always a little stupid.”)
Me: *notices customer walking into the store* “How can I help you today?”
Customer: “I see you have two DVDs for $10.”
Me: “Actually, that sale ended yesterday.”
Customer: “Well, I have to buy some for my son for Christmas, so maybe you can be a doll and ring them up for me for that price.”
Me: “I’m sorry, I can’t do that.”
Customer: “Why not?”
Me: “Because that sale ended yesterday.”
Customer: “What difference is it to you the price you sell these DVDs at?!”
Me: “My job…”
Customer: “How about if I give you $5?”
Me: “…sure.”
(I go and ring up the two DVDs, and take the customer’s money. With the additional five dollars, this adds up to the normal retail price so there have been no savings.)
Me: “Have a happy holiday.”
Customer: *winks at me*
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(This happened during a tornado that crashed down just up the street from the store I worked in. The power went out, and one of the AC units had almost been ripped off the building. After a brief panic in which all customers and staff were shut in the tornado-shelter/assistant manager’s office, we employees locked down the building and started counting down registers, waiting until the storm had calmed down to let anyone go. It was raining, and the parking lot was actually flooding at this point.)
Me: “Wouldn’t it be funny if someone came tearing in here, possessed with the desire to buy something? Because obviously, in the dark, during a tornado, this is the best time to beat crowds.”
Team Lead: *laughs* “That’s mean.”
(Not ten minutes later, standing by the glass front doors to watch the storm, we see a woman run across the four-lane highway outside, dodging between stopped cars. She tears across the parking lot, carrying her high heels in her hand, and stops to put them on before trying the doors to our building. She tugs, but they’re locked, so of course, she knocks. After a moment of amazement, our Ladies department manager answers the door.)
Department Manager: “Ma’am, we’re closed.”
Woman: *panting* “Really?”
Me: “Tornado took our power out.”
Woman: “Are you really closed?”
(By now, both the captive customers and the employees are exchanging glances. I look at our team lead, who stares wide-eyed at the woman.)
Department Manager: “There’s really no way we could ring you up for anything. We have no power.”
Woman: “Oh, that’s too bad. I thought now would be a good time to get some shopping done! I’ll just go back to my car, then.”
Department Manager: “Ma’am, there is torrential rain pouring down out there, and the wind is moving the cars.”
Woman: “Well I can’t buy anything, so why should I stay?” *leaves*
(Though our policy states that we should try to detain people, we cannot legally do that, so our manager lets her go. I turn to our team lead and say…)
Me: “…didn’t I just tell that joke?”
This story is part of the More-Customers-Versus-Mother-Nature roundup! This is the last story in the roundup, but we have plenty of others you might enjoy!
23 Hilarious Stories About Customers Versus Mother Nature
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(Working in tech support, I talk to some pretty dumb people every day. This was a particular highlight of the week.)
Me: “Go ahead and check the icons in the bottom right-hand corner of your screen for me.”
Customer: “I have no bottom right.”
Me: “Ma’am, everything has a bottom right.”
