I am a shift manager. A customer pulls up to the speaker in the drive-thru and gives my crew member a hard time about her coupon. This coupon is two combo meals for $8.99 (plus tax). She also wants to add two twenty-ounce drinks, which are another $1.79 each.

The customer is yelling and complaining about the price. My crew member (in tears!) comes to me and asks me to deal with her. It’s the middle of the lunch rush and I am protective of my crew members – don’t make them cry! I approach the window.

Me: “I’m the manager. What seems to be the problem?”

Customer: “Why is it almost $15?! The coupon is for $8.99 and I know extra drinks ain’t cost that much!”

Me: “There is a 6% sales tax on everything. The coupon itself even says so. Also, it looks like you requested to add cheese, which is an additional $0.50 per sandwich, and you wanted to go heavy on all the toppings on one, which is an additional $0.60. Also, those additional drinks added around $3.50 to your bill, as well. That’s why it’s not $8.99.”

Customer: “Okay, fine, take off one of the drinks.”

Me: “Okay, so your total is now [over $12].”

Customer: “Seriously? Okay, fine, take off the other one, too.”

Me: “All right, so your total is now [over $10].”

Customer: “It’s $8.99.”

Me: “There’s still a tax, ma’am. Also, the extra cheese and toppings you wanted are adding an additional dollar or so to your bill.”

Customer: “Fine!”

She takes forever to dig up change and the line is growing behind her. I hand her food over and the drinks that came with her coupon bundle.

Me: “Have a good day.”

Customer: “Where’s my other Sprite?”

Me: “You took it off, remember? The coupon came with two drinks so you have your two Sprites.”

Customer: “GIVE ME MY SPRITE! I PAID FOR IT!”

I print out another receipt, showing her that she is wrong.

Me: “You didn’t pay for it.”

Customer: “GIVE ME MY SPRITE!”

Me: “I can’t do that for you unless you pay for it.”

Customer: “GIVE ME MY SPRITE!”

Me: “You already got your two drinks that came with the coupon. You didn’t pay for additional drinks, remember?”

Customer: “GIVE ME MY F****** SPRITE SO I CAN GET THE F*** OUT OF HERE!”

We lock eyes and stare into each other’s souls for what feels like an eternity. Cars behind her are honking. Suddenly, I have an idea.

Me: “Okay one second.”

I pour a carbonated water, which looks identical to Sprite.

Me: “ENJOY YOUR FREE DRINK!”

I slam the window shut and she drives off.

I know it’s petty, and normally, I wouldn’t have done something like this, but I promise you she deserved it.

This story is part of our Best Of October 2020 roundup!

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My high-strung border collie mix has to go out on a leash due to a bad habit of chasing after bunnies, squirrels, cats, turkeys, and deer. Today is no different, and he takes me all over the yard, sniffing and barking every few feet, even though nothing is visible to me.

During one such circuit, he stops to stare into the trees and sniff dramatically. A tiny movement near my feet makes me glance down.

Our neighbors’ tiny tortoiseshell cat is staring up at me, standing less than a foot from my dog. He has not noticed her in the slightest.

I love my dog, but the best and brightest he isn’t!

This story is part of our Border Collie roundup!

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Customer Mail: 

“You wrongfully charged my credit card 7,90€ for a subscription I already cancelled. Due to this, I give you a deadline of forty-eight hours to meet my following demands:

1. End my subscription on [date about two weeks in the future].
2. Apologise.
3. Refund my money and add 10% interest for the money you illegally withheld from me, covering my losses.

If you fail to meet my demands completely, I will take this case to my lawyer.”

My Answer:

“Dear [Customer],

We did not receive any notice before today that you wanted to cancel your subscription. The regular timeframe to cancel accordingly would be [date two weeks in the future].

However, as the sum in question is an important part of your financial portfolio, we decided to cancel your subscription immediately and refund you the whole sum.

We will not be able to pay you the mentioned 0,79€ interest and our legal department is awaiting your lawyer’s written statement. Please keep in mind that a regular letter needs a postage of 0,80€ and we will not be able to refund you anything for that within company policy. So, we would ask you to consider straining your funds unnecessarily in order to avoid further financial losses.”

I checked in with my supervisor to see if I’d gone too far. He treated me to a coffee for making him the entertainer of the week when he read it out loud to the other supervisors in the weekly meeting.

I’m trying to stimulate my daughter’s mnemonic ability with trivia and quizzes. Thanks to a recent accident that painted the bathroom tiles silver, we now know that modern thermometer tips contain a gallium, indium, and tin alloy called Galinstan. My daughter is now taking her temperature.

Me: “Do you remember what’s in the tip?”

Daughter: “Uh. Tin and… gallium and… indium.”

Me: “Very good. What’s the name?”

Daughter: “Tin… Sta… Sta… In… Gal… STALINGRAD!”

My friend was born in America but his family is from Saudi Arabia. His cousin, who is visiting our school, knows English but struggles with some words.

Cousin: “Can I have a thing of paper? I forgot how to say.”

Me: “You can say, ‘a piece of paper,’ or, ‘a sheet of paper.’”

Later that day…

Cousin: “Please can I have a piece of sheet?”