Me: “Hello! How can I help you today?”

Customer: “Yeah, I need a [Sandwich], two large fries, and a shake.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, we don’t sell those here. [Competitor] is next door.”

Customer: “OH!”

(He walks into my dining room and promptly returns to the counter. He appears slightly confused.)

Me: “Can I help you, sir?”

Customer: “Yeah! I thought you said [Competitor] is next door.”

Me: “Yes, sir, it is.”

(I proceed to walk with him back to the dining room and point next door.)

Me: “If you come back this way and go through our side exit, you can walk right over to [Competitor].”

Customer: “OH!”

(I follow him back to the area near the side door and point him in that direction. He appears to be on his way to a [Sandwich], two fries and, a shake when I hear our restroom door open and close. Sure enough, moments later he appears at my counter again.)

Customer: “Why did you send me to the bathroom?!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. Please follow me.”

(I escort the gentleman out the side door and tell him [Competitor] is next door.)

Customer: “OH! Thank you!”

(He started walking toward the front of both my building and [Competitor]. I felt confident he was going to get there. I was wrong. He walked around my building and through the parking lot, and was last seen heading toward an empty lot and the railroad tracks.)

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(I’m waiting in line and overhear a conversation between the customer in front of me and the postman at the front counter.)

Customer: “I need to ship this package out.”

Postman: “Okay. Would you like to upgrade this to priority shipping?”

Customer: “No, I just want to send this by regular mail. I don’t need anything else or any other services.”

Postman: “Okay, that’ll be $10.00 for the shipping. Do you need any stamps today?”

Customer: “No! No stamps, no certified mail, no post office box, no passport. I just need to ship this package out–that’s it. Did I miss anything?!”

Postman: *without skipping a beat* “Do you need any money orders today, ma’am?”

Me: “Thank you for calling [Business] customer service. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Where y’all at? India?!”

Me: “No, sir, I’m in Maine.”

Customer: “Maine? Where the h***’s that?”

Me: “Northern New England, sir.”

Customer: “England? I thought you sounded funny.”

(I have a VERY slight New England accent and this guy sounds like a Southern good ol’ boy).

Me: “No, NEW England, sir, northeastern United States.”

Customer: “Oh, up in Canada, then! Well, you done learned English pretty good I guess!”

Me: “…”

This story is part of our 2nd Terrible At Geography roundup! This is the last story in the roundup, but we have plenty of others you might enjoy!

13 Funny True Stories About Tourists Who Have Absolutely No Clue

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(I work in an insurance agency in the middle of a downtown shopping district. A customer called and asked to be transferred to the agent with the desk by the window.)

Me: “Hi, this is [My Name] speaking. Can I get your last name, please?”

Customer: “It’s Clark, but what do you need that for?”

Me: “Well, each agent deals with a different segment of the alphabet, so clients with last names beginning with A-H go to Joan. I will need to transfer you.”

Customer: “Does Joan have a desk by the window?”

Me: “Uh… no, ma’am, but she will have all of your files. If you can hold for a moment, I will transfer you.”

Customer: “Well, I don’t want to talk to Joan. I want to talk to you. You are the one who sits near the window, aren’t you?”

Me: “Yes, but as I said–”

Customer: “Look, I don’t want to talk to anyone but you! Joan doesn’t sit near the window, so she can’t help me. I need to talk to someone who has a view of the street.”

Me: “Um, okay–”

Customer: “Now if you are done, would you please tell me what the name of the curtain shop across the street from you is called?”

Me: “Huh? Uh, Country Curtains.”

Customer: “Thank you. Now that wasn’t so hard, was it?” *hangs up*

Me: “…”

(A customer takes a free sample from a barrel marked “FREE DOG BISCUITS”.)

Woman: “Are these free?”

Me: “Yes, those are free samples.”

Woman: “What are they?” *rips package open*

Me: “Those are dog biscuits, ma’am.”

Woman: *takes a bite of the DOG BISCUITS* “These are the worst cookies I’ve ever tasted!”

Me: “No doubt…”

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