Your Kids Will Betray You Eventually

, , , , , , | Related | May 30, 2020

One day, my mom was shopping. My toddler brother was acting fussy, but Mom still had a few things that really couldn’t wait. She got the things the family needed as quickly as possible and stood in line with my brother on her hip. Suddenly, he passed gas — a lot, and very noisy. He immediately relaxed; apparently, the discomfort was the reason for his grumpiness. 

And then, he looked around at the other people in line turning their heads and loudly declared, “You did that, Mommy.”

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Redefining “Crunch Bar”

, , , , , , , , | Learning | May 29, 2020

I volunteered to help with the Easter celebration at my grandson’s school. 

After the egg hunt, we herded the kids into their classroom. The teacher made an announcement that candy was not to be unwrapped until later.

While roaming around to help students, I came across the only child who had caused problems. Too late to stop him, I could only watch as he ate a piece of candy… still in its wrapper.

Technically, he didn’t disobey the teacher.

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A Chip Off The Old Potato

, , , , , , , | Related | May 23, 2020

My four-year-old grandson is lying on the couch, popcorn at hand, eyes glued to his favorite Disney movie.

I walk in, see him, and say, “You’re the original couch potato.”

He replies, “Nuh-uh.”

“You’re not the original couch potato?”


“Then who is?”

He points to his grandfather on the other couch and says, “Papa is.”

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Get Behind Me, School Supplies!

, , , , , , | Right | May 16, 2020

We are nearing the beginning of the school year and I have a lady come up who is just livid — not with me or the store, but with the school.

Customer: “This is just stupid! Get this! I am paying for my child to go to [Private School], it costs a fortune, and they’re making me buy school supplies! This is just stupid!”

I finish ringing up her order. I look at the total and then look back to her.

Me: “This wouldn’t happen to be a Catholic School, would it?”

Customer: “Yeah. Why?”

Me: “Well, your total is… $6.66.”

The customer stares for a moment and then laughs.

Customer: “I think I need to buy a candy bar now.”

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We Think They Might Have Trouble With Their Password

, , , , | Right | May 13, 2020

I work in the client services department of an online brokerage. One of our duties is the “Welcome Call” to those who open a new account, giving them some information they’ll need. We have a routine script that we work off:

Coworker: Hi, Mr. [Client], this is [Coworker] with [Company]. I wanted to give you your account number and show you how to access your account online. If you can get a pen and paper, I am going to start by giving you your account number and password to download the software. The password is going to be a little long, and be a combination of letters and numbers, all uppercase for the letters.”

My coworker pauses for a second while the client gets his pen and paper and then she continues.

Coworker: “Okay, so your account number is [number], and your password is going to be [password]. Remember, be sure you have the caps lock on; it’s all capitals.”

Another pause on her side.

Coworker: “Yes, sir, even the G and the K are capital.”

I fell out of my chair laughing.

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