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Why Don’t You Call The Cops On ‘Em

, , , , | Right | August 30, 2008

(The number to our police department is only one digit off from a doctor’s office, so we often get wrong numbers.)

Me: “Police Department.”

Caller: “My doctor wrote a prescription for me for an X-ray and I need to make an appointment.”

Me: “Okay, and how can the police department help you?”

Caller: “Police department?! I was calling Dr. [Name]’s office! How DARE you answer his phone!”


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Violence On TV, Stupidity On The Couch

, , , , | Right | August 28, 2008

(A video rental customer approaches with two young children.)

Customer: “Hey, you guys seen Con Air?”

Me: “Yeah.”

Customer: “Why’s it rated R?”

Me: “Well, the language is pretty strong, but it’s primarily because of the violence.”

Customer: “Oh. Well, does it have any sex in it?”

Me: “Um, not that I recall.”

Customer: “Okay, great. Hey kids, we’re getting Con Air!”

Getting A Word In Edgewise

, , , , | Right | August 28, 2008

Customer: “I want to see that brooch.”

Me: “Here it is–”

Customer: “How much is it?”

Me: “Well, it’s–”

Customer: “You don’t need to know where I get my money from!”

Me: “Oh, okay. Well, it costs–”

Customer: “I’m on a disability pension.”

Me: “It costs thirty–”

Customer: “And it’s none of your business why!”

Me: “Thirty-five dol–”

Customer: “I had an accident and broke my leg.”

Me: “…”

Customer: “Do you want to know why I’m buying this?”

Me: “Umm… no, it’s okay.”

Customer: “BECAUSE GREEN IS MY FAVORITE COLOR!”


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Thank God For Better Halves

, , , , , , | Right | August 27, 2008

(An older customer calls in for tech support with his satellite receiver.)

Me: “Okay, your signal strength is pretty good.”

Customer: “Right.”

Me: “Let’s just verify all your channels are coming in.”

Customer: “Okay.”

Me: “Can you please put it on channel 400?”

Customer: “No problem, hold on.” *dials 4-0-0 into the telephone*

Customer’s Wife: “Give me that!”

(She gets control of the phone.)

Customer’s Wife: *laughing* “So sorry, he’s such an idiot!”

Probably Wears Diapers

, , , , , | Right | August 25, 2008

Customer: “Excuse me… HEY! Excuse me.”

Me: “How may I help you, sir?”

Customer: “I need you to find a battery for my Timex.”

Me: “You are standing next to our entire selection. If it isn’t there, we don’t have it.”

Customer: “How do I know which one it is?”

Me: “Didn’t you bring the watch with you?”

Customer: “Yeah…”

Me: “Well, sometimes it is stamped on the back cover.”

Customer: “I can’t decipher this. Can you open the watch and check?”

Me: “I’m sorry, we don’t offer that service.”

Customer: “What do you mean?”

Me: “I mean, we don’t offer that service. I have neither the tools nor the training to work on your watch.”

Customer: “But you sell the batteries!”

Me: “Yes, we do. I’ll gladly help check that you are buying the right one, but I won’t work on your watch.”

Customer: “But you sell the batteries! You HAVE to put it in for me!”

Me: “Sir, I could also sell you toilet paper, but you would still have to do the wiping yourself…”