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Do As I Shout, Not As I Do

, , , , , , | Right | February 16, 2009

Supervisor: “Well, it says here that you have five books that are overdue. Would you like to renew them?”

Patron: “What do you mean, overdue?”

(The supervisor shows the patron the overdue titles on the monitor.)

Patron: “We returned those books! I can’t believe this kind of stuff happens! What kind of library is this anyway?”

Patron’s Young Child: “But, Papa, I saw one of the books at home, remember? In the–”

Patron: “Shut UP!”

(Ironically, one of the books he claimed to have returned was, “Teaching Your Child Good Manners.”)


, , , , | Right | February 16, 2009

(A lady comes in to buy an iMac computer. After leaving, she calls me thirty minutes later.)

Me: “Yes, ma’am, how may I help you?”

Customer: “I thought these things came with a monitor? You told me it had a monitor.”

Me: “Yes, ma’am, it’s one big monitor with a keyboard and mouse.”

Customer: “Well this one doesn’t have one.”

Me: Um… it’s the big black square on the front.”

Customer: “There is NO big black square on here.”

Me: “What do you mean? The whole machine is just a monitor; it’s the big black square above the CD Slot and speakers.”

Customer: “There is NO big black square. There are no speakers. You told me it came with a monitor.”

Me: “Ma’am… the whole computer is just a monitor with speakers and a CD drive built-in. Spin it around; it’s the big black square on the front.”

(I can hear her turning the machine around and around, and she starts getting angry with me.)

Customer: “Listen, there is no big black square, there are no speakers, and there is no slot for a CD.”

Me: “Ma’am… do you have the computer face down on your desk?”

(I can hear a big clunk as she flips the computer upright on the desk.)

Customer: “Um… I have to go now.” *click*

Satan Needs The Nougat

, , , , , , | Right | February 13, 2009

(A mother and her young son come up to me, each with their own items to buy. I finish ringing up the mother and start with the little boy.)

Mother: *to her son* “Isn’t it nice to buy your toys with your own money?”

Son: “Yeah.”

(The son begins to reach over the conveyor belt for some candy.)

Mother: “Oh, you don’t need that. Put it back.”

Me: *to the boy* “Your total is $6.66.”

Mother: “Oh, no, no, no! Buy that candy!”

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But How Do They Squeeze Him Into This Tiny Little Case

, , , , , , | Right | February 13, 2009

(A customer comes up to the counter with a DVD.)

Me: “You all set?”

Customer: “Is this a Rick James DVD?”

Me: “Yes, it is.”

Customer: “So you mean I can put this in my DVD player and look at Rick James!?”

Me: “Yes, I believe that is the technology.”

Customer: “Well, I’m gonna have to try it out, man!”

The Magical World of Duhs-ney

, , , , , | Right | February 12, 2009

Me: *on the phone* “Help Desk, can I help you?

Customer: “I can’t log in to my computer.”

Me: “No problem, sir; let me reset it for you.”

Customer: “Thanks!”

Me: “Okay, sir, go ahead and type ‘welcome’ as your default password. When you hit ‘OK’ you will be asked to create a new password.”

Customer: “Are there any requirements for the password?”

Me: “The only requirement is that the password has to be at least six characters in length; numbers, letters, or both.”

(Two minutes pass and I still hear a lot of typing over the phone. I’d assumed he’d logged in and starting working, forgetting I was on the phone.)

Me: “Is everything all right? Were you able to get your password reset?”

Customer: “No! It’s not all right! Why is it that every time I call you guys there’s a problem?! You have to make everything so difficult!”

Me: “I am sorry for that, sir… What happens after you try to create your new password?”

Customer: “What do you think?! It tells me to try again! It will not take!”

Me: “Well, go ahead and try entering something different.”

Customer: “You know, you people are ridiculous! How many characters do you think I can remember?! I’m not five years old anymore! All I remember is Pluto, Mickey Mouse, and Donald Duck!”

Me: *facepalm*