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This Quote Brought To You By The Number TWO

, , , , | Right | February 20, 2009

Customer: *on the phone* “I know you aren’t tech support, but I have an easy question.”

Me: “Okay…”

Customer: “How do you make the @ symbol… you know, for the email?”

Me: “You hold the shift key and press 2.”

Customer: “Won’t that just make a capital 2?”

Me: “…”

I’m Afraid You Can’t Spell, Dave

, , , , , | Right | February 20, 2009

(I am monitoring the customers at the self-checkout machines when a customer holding cilantro angrily waves me over.)

Me: “Sir, what seems to be the problem?”

Customer: “These machines are so useless! They don’t even have cilantro under the look-up list!”

Me: “Sir, it’s because you’re looking under ‘S’ instead of ‘C’ — cilantro is spelled with a ‘C.'”

Customer: “Oh, so you’re a know-it-all, huh? We’ll see what you know when these machines take over YOUR job one day!”

Me: “…”

You Said It, Not Me

, , , , | Right | February 18, 2009

(A customer comes up with credit card bill.)

Customer: “Hi, I’d like to make a payment.”

Me: “Sure, no problem.”

(I take the bill and notice it’s actually for a different store.)

Customer: “My wife went and bought a bunch of stuff, so I gotta pay the bill.”

Me: “Sir, I don’t really know how else to say this, but this is a [Different Store] card.”

Customer: “I’m in [Our Store], aren’t I?”

Me: “Yes.”

Customer: “You’re too nice. You should have just said, ‘Get the f*** out. You’re in the wrong store!'”

Eww, Fresh Food

, , , | Right | February 18, 2009

Server: “Um… one of our tables asked me to bring this salad back.”

Cook: “What’s wrong with it? It looks fine to me.”

Server: “He complained that the lettuce was too green in his Greek salad.”

Cook: “His lettuce was too green?”

Server: “Yeah.”

Cook: “I really don’t want to know what kind of lettuce that guy’s been eating…”

(In the end, we had to call our manager in to explain to this guy that our lettuce only comes in one color, green.)

You’re Only As Old As You Act

, , , , , , , | Right | February 17, 2009

(An elderly woman well into her 70s comes through the check-out line with a single bottle of wine. I start to scan the bottle through.)

Customer: “Wait! Aren’t you going to check my ID?”

Me: “Er, no, ma’am, I don’t think it’s really necessary.”

Customer: “Well, that’s no good! You should check all ID if you’re selling alcohol.”

Me: “Well, okay. May I see your ID, please?”

(She hands over an ID card that is obviously fake.)

Me: “Ma’am… this card says you’re seventeen.”

Customer: “Oh, dear! You’ve caught me! I’m much too young to be buying this! It’s a good thing you were checking IDs. I’d better just go now! *skips out the door*

Me: “…”


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