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Maybe That’s Her Good Side

, , , , | Right | July 28, 2008

Customer: “Do you take passport photos?”

Me: “Yes, we do. Do you want one taken?”

Customer: “Yes, please.”

Me: “Okay, ma’am. Just stand in front of the screen, please, and I’ll take your photo.”

(She walks up and stands in front of the white screen; she’s facing the background with her back towards me. My coworkers can barely keep it together at this point.)

Me: “Ma’am, you’re going to have to turn around if you don’t want the back of your head on your passport.”


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Grab Bag: MMA-SF

, , , , , | Right | July 25, 2008

I work for the Metropolitan Museum of Art’s retail store. Here are a few things customers have asked me:

1. “Do you sell doo-rags here?”

2. “Do you want to come live in my condo with me, wrap my gifts, and keep me company?”

3. “What?! Iced tea makes you thirsty?!”

4. “Do my earrings make me look like Greta Garbo? Do they scream, ‘I want to be alone’?!”

5. “Are these rainbow watches for the queers?”

Now Playing: Busted

, , , , , , , | Right | July 24, 2008

Me: “Welcome to [Movie Theater]. Can I help you?”

Customer: “Two for [R-Rated Movie].”

Me: “Can I see your ID, please?”

Customer: “I don’t have any.”

Me: “Sorry, I can’t sell you any tickets.”

Customer: “But I’m 17! I’m allowed to see it!”

Me: “Not without an ID you aren’t! And even if you had an ID, I could only sell you one. You have to be 21 to buy more than one.”

Customer: “I can’t believe this! Look, I drove here today!”

(At this point he flashes Daddy’s Mercedes keys in my face to “prove” he drove here.)

Me: “So, let me get this straight. You drove your Mercedes here without any form of ID, including a driver’s license?”

Customer: “YEAH! WHAT OF IT?!”

Me: “I’m sure the Raleigh Police Officer standing right behind you would love to have a word with you.”


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When Not In Rome…

, , , , , | Right | July 23, 2008

(A customer comes in looking for a specific FM transmitter. I point him in the right direction and he comes back five minutes later with the device in hand.)

Me: “Found it all right?”

Customer: “Yup. I came, I saw, I conquered.”

Me: “Veni, vidi, vici?”

Customer: “What the h*** did you just call me?!”

The Infomercials Must Love You

, , , , , | Right | July 22, 2008

(A customer comes up to the register with her sandwich purchase, which had sun-dried tomatoes on it.)

Customer: “Do you make the sun-dried tomatoes here?”

Me: *jokingly* “Yes, we have several lawn chairs in back. We cut the tomatoes into little strips and leave them out there for a week or two. ”

Customer: “Really?!”

Me: “No, I was just kidding. We get them from a distributor. ”

Customer: “Well, that’s not nice of you at all! When I was growing up I was always taught to believe things I was told by salespeople!”


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