Right Working Romantic Related Learning Friendly Healthy Legal Inspirational Unfiltered

The Holiday Of Dr. Moreau

, , , , | Right | November 24, 2022

I work in a grocery store.

Customer: “Hey! I don’t need anything, but can I ask you a question?”

Me: “Of course! What can I help you with?”

Customer: “My wife is making something called a turducken. How do they do that?”

Me: “You mean how do they make a turducken?”

Customer: “Yeah.”

Me: “They take the bones out of a chicken, duck, and turkey. Then, they stuff the chicken in the duck and the duck in the turkey.”

Customer: “Well, now I feel like an idiot. I thought they had created a duck/turkey/chicken hybrid. I was wondering how they got those animals to breed.”

Me: “No, it’s just a stuffed meal.”

Customer: “That would be some real Dr. Moreau-type s***.”

When Mr., Mrs., And Mx. Just Won’t Cut It

, , , , , , | Working | November 23, 2022

I have just come out as nonbinary. It’s an adjustment for my boss and coworkers. They’re great with my new name but not so much with my pronouns/other nicknames. It helps us all when we don’t take things too seriously.

I’m cleaning up the milkshake machine after I was making a milkshake and it exploded on me. This always happens only with the chocolate for some reason. My boss comes up to me. I don’t remember the exact context, but he calls me “Miss”.

I give him a look.

Me: “Miss?”

Boss: “Sir? No, I’m just going to call you what you are. Mess.”

I look at the milkshake I’m cleaning up.

Me: “Yeah, that’s fair.”

The Latest NAR Avenger: Bobby Spiderman!

, , , , , , , , | Right | November 23, 2022

I work in the produce department. There’s a kid in there named Bobby who has a really good sense of humor. He takes a call from a customer.

Customer: “I found a spider in my grapes!”

Bobby: “Sometimes bugs do come in on the fruit. We’re very sorry that happened.”

Customer: “I’m bringing it in so you can test whether it’s poisonous or not!

Bobby: “We don’t do that… and she hung up.”

The customer comes in later with a spider in a Tupperware container. She comes up to me.

Customer: “What are you going to do with it?”

As I’m backpedaling my way through the conversation, Bobby walks up.


He grabs the container and notes how big the spider is, which freaks her out a little bit.

Customer: “What are you going to do with it?”

Bobby: *With the most serious tone* “Probably going to shake him up and see if he’ll fight the other ones we have out back.”

Then, he just walked away. The customer went ape-s*** on me, but I wasn’t even mad.

The Curse Of The Babyface, Part 3

, , , | Working | November 23, 2022

I am someone who has the mixed blessing of being “babyfaced.” I say it’s a mixed blessing because this was seriously problematic for me in my teens and twenties. I had issues such as having the police called by a concerned citizen who thought a seventeen-year-old was passionately kissing a ten- or eleven-year-old, being kicked out of bars and nightclubs by rude bouncers accusing me of using a fake ID, and being carded at the theaters to see R-rated movies — despite the fact that I was thirty.

But this recent incident had me nearly in tears. It was after the health crisis lockdown, and right down the street from me was a massive playing field where I noticed people always running track or playing a sport. I decided I’d made enough excuses to keep sitting on my wobbly butt after noticing I could barely jog a block before running out of steam. I strolled into the office adjacent to the playing field to ask how to sign up for a membership.

The lady behind the counter gave me an odd look.

Lady: “I suppose you could, but I’m not sure you would fit well. The members here are pretty young, and you’re much older.”

Me: “That’s okay; I don’t mind young adults. I just would like to get back in shape and be active.”

Lady: “I understand that, but… are you sure you can keep up with them? Most of them are teenagers, and you are how old? Twenty-five? Twenty-six?”

Me: “Actually forty, but I don’t know whether to get offended or hug you!”

The Curse Of The Babyface, Part 2
The Curse Of The Babyface

They’re About As Bright As The Object They’re Holding

, , , , | Right | November 22, 2022

Customer: “I need to return this flashlight. It’s not lighting up.”

Me: “I can’t return that flashlight, sir.”

Customer: “Why not?”

Me: “Because that’s a hose nozzle.