Probably Would Have Been Better If He Had Just Winged It

, , , , , | Right | April 27, 2021

I get a call-in order for our spicy chicken wings. A guy shows up to pick up his order, pays, and goes back to his car. This guy and his girlfriend eat the wings in their car and occasionally look back inside at me.

Half an hour later, the guy comes crashing through the door, yelling and screaming that there are feathers in his chicken wings. I open the box and notice big white CRAFT feathers on top of the fully-eaten wings. The feathers barely have sauce on them except for where they have touched the wings.

Me: “Sir, these are not chicken feathers, and you ate all of the wings.”

Customer: “No! Those are chicken feathers on my wings, and I want new wings!”

Me: “Sir, I can clearly tell you put craft feathers on these. I can’t get any more made.”

Customer: “This is bulls***! Get me your f****** manager!”

I went to the office and the owner of the place was the only one there. I could tell he was in a bad mood. For me, this was perfect! I told him the story and showed him the box. He rolled his eyes and stomped to the front.

The guy told him that his wings had feathers on them and he wanted new wings. Boss Man told him he’s not stupid, those weren’t chicken feathers, and he could go somewhere else if he wanted to try and scam for extra food. Best day of my life! Finally, someone wasn’t getting away with their scams!

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How Responsible!

, , , , , , | Working | April 26, 2021

My coworker is passing by a manager.

Coworker: “Hi.”

Manager: “Did you just ask if I was high?”

Coworker: “No, I said, ‘Hi.’”

Manager: “Well, never at work.”

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Well, Well, Well, How The Turntables…

, , , , , , , | Working | April 26, 2021

I’m buying groceries like usual when an item won’t scan.

Cashier: “I’m sorry, but this item isn’t scanning up.”

Me: “Oh, no problem. I’m not in a rush.”

Cashier: “I guess that must mean it’s free, then!”

Me: “I… Uhhh… Pardon?”

She called for a price check, but I never expected to be on the receiving end of that line!

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We Know Our Enablers Very Well

, , , , | Romantic | April 26, 2021

I’m relaxing on the couch with my boyfriend. We both are almost at the stage of sleep when I suddenly bolt straight up and head to the front door. When I get back to the living room, my boyfriend is sitting up, looking very confused.

Boyfriend: “What on earth?”

Me: “I heard the [Online Retailer] delivery guy’s keys.”

Boyfriend: *Pauses* “Baby, you live on the third floor. There are like thirty people who come up and down your steps each day.”

Me: “Yeah.”

Boyfriend: “And out of all that, you recognized the keys to your delivery guy?”

Me: “Of course!”

Boyfriend: “Do I even want to know how you know this?”

Me: “Do you want me happy?”

Boyfriend: “Yes…”

Me: “Do you want to fight?”

Boyfriend: “No.”

Me: “Then it’s best that you don’t know how I know this.”

Boyfriend: “All right, whatever. Could you come back to the couch now?”

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Cut This Lesson Short

, , , , , , , | Learning | April 26, 2021

My mother is a high school maths teacher working with some of the younger and more difficult students. To try and encourage her students, she stamps their work with various motivational phrases.

A few minutes after giving her class back their homework, she notices one student looking a bit puzzled for a few minutes before putting his hand up.

Student: “Miss, what’s a eunuch?”

Although this isn’t exactly a maths question, my mum decides to try and answer anyway.

Mum: “Uh, well, a long time ago, in some countries, nobles used to have lots of wives or girlfriends who were all housed in special rooms within their palaces. You know how dogs can get neutered to prevent them having puppies? Well, they used to do that to some of their male servants so that they could be trusted to look after the women, and those servants were called eunuchs.”

As you can imagine, all of the students in the class have stopped what they were doing and are watching this scene. The student looks even more puzzled and a bit angry.

Student: “Well, why did you call me a eunuch, then?”

Mum: “What? What are you talking about? When did I call you a eunuch?”

Student: “You did! You wrote it on my homework!”

Mum: “I don’t know what you’re talking about! Show me.”

The student stormed up to her desk with his homework in hand and showed her the message she had stamped on it. What did it say?

“You’re unique.”

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