The Curse Of The Babyface, Part 2

, , , , , | Right | July 19, 2021

I have just gotten to work and I go into the locker room where I ran into one of my coworkers. She begins to ask me about my boyfriend, who works in a different department. He is three years older than me. Also, my mother works at the same store, as well, in yet another department.

Coworker: “You and [Boyfriend] have been together for a while now, haven’t you?”

Me: “Yeah, coming up on two years in July!”

Coworker: “You work opposite shift times, right?”

Me: “Yeah. It means we don’t get to see each other that often. Sometimes we can go weeks before we can hang out.”

Coworker: “When was the last time you saw him?”

Me: “Last week on Tuesday. I went over to his house and we watched movies.”

Coworker: “And… your mom is okay with that? With you hanging out alone with him and staying the night with him?”

Me: *Confused* “Um… yeah?”

Coworker: “Wait, how old are you?”

Me: “Thirty-two.”

Coworker: “OH! You’re an adult!”

I started laughing. People often think I’m a lot younger than I am, but I can’t help but wonder if people really thought that my boyfriend was some creep.

Related:
The Curse Of The Babyface

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Jumper To The Realization

, , , , , | Right | July 19, 2021

I’m waiting in the side lot of a superstore for my groceries to be brought out to my car. It’s so backed up that I wind up waiting a while for my groceries, and during the wait, my car battery dies.

I go around the parking lot for about an hour asking if anyone has jumper cables, but no luck. I call roadside assistance and they say it’ll be about an hour and a half for someone to come out, so I sit on a curb and just wait.

It isn’t long before it dawns on me that, in fact, I am in the parking lot of a store that sells everything I need to get my car running again, so I run inside and buy a $15 set of jumper cables and ask one more car if they could help me jump it, and they agree to help.

Five minutes later, my car is running like new and I’m on my way home. Once I’m settled on my couch, I call the number for roadside assistance to cancel the service, hold for about ten minutes, and finally get a representative.

Me: “Hello! I called earlier and asked for help with a dead car battery. I would just like to cancel that service request.”

Representative: “Okay, sure. For the driver’s report, may I ask why you’d like to cancel?”

Me: “Well, it’s kind of silly, but while I was waiting for the service, it clicked that I was in the parking lot of a store that sold jumper cables, so I just bought some and the car next to me was able to help get me running again. I’m sorry for the trouble, but I’m all set!”

The rep had a good laugh at my slow thinking and was still giggling when she got my request cancelled and disconnected the call.

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Carrying The Banner For Bad Phrasing

, , , , , , | Learning | July 18, 2021

In high school, I’m in a musical that takes place in New York around the turn of the twentieth century. One of our musical numbers is performed by a group of girls who are referred to in the script as “Bowery Beauties.” We’re at rehearsal, but we’re also on lunch break, and one of our directors is darting around to different tables.

He comes to our table, which is completely composed of girls.

Director: “Have you seen any Beauties around here?”

We connect the dots pretty quickly and figure out that he’s asking for the actresses, so we help him as best we can. He thanks us and leaves.

A minute later, he comes back to our table with an apology, reassuring us that we are all beauties and he shouldn’t have phrased it that way. I had a lot of not-so-great experiences in that theater, but that was one thing I’ll always remember in a positive light.

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This Trip Will Be One For The Books

, , , , | Romantic | CREDIT: joeltheconner | July 17, 2021

My wonderful family of four is on a trip to visit family and friends. Four years ago, on a trip with the same itinerary as this one, I booked our hotel as I usually do. I am what you would describe as “thrifty,” and I don’t like spending a ton on hotels when we are basically just sleeping there.

The hotel I booked for this leg of the journey was probably not the most high-class, and sure, it was not in the safest area of town. This was definitely a hotel where some acts of questionable legality and morality occur. In my defense, it was a very last-minute booking as we were supposed to be staying with family and there were very few options available under $150 a night.

The stay there ended up being fine, but it has been a long-running joke between us for the past four years.

We are now visiting for the first time in four years. I go to book the hotel.

Wife: “No way! It’s my hometown, and I am doing it this time.”

So, she pulls up a hotel booking site and starts looking at places, specifically looking for a place with a pool for the littles. She looks at one and reads the reviews and details.

Wife: “This one looks good, especially for such a low price!”

She even calls to make sure the pool is open because of the health crisis. I look at the photos and look back at her, thinking she is making a joke. She is not. I just smile.

Me: “Whatever you think, babe!”

Yep, you know what’s coming.

As we approach the hotel, I see a look of confusion slowly wash over her face.

Wife: “Wait, is this…” *Trails off*

Me: “Yep! It sure is!”

She booked us in the exact same hotel that she had been giving me grief about for four years. I laughed and laughed and laughed. She could not believe she did it, and she also thought it was hilarious. I am vindicated!

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Oh… Oh, No…

, , , , , , | Related | July 17, 2021

I’m gay and my family is very supportive. I’m visiting home from college during Thanksgiving break, and I invite my boyfriend to come along. We get a warm welcome and dinner goes smoothly.

On Friday, traditionally, my mother makes a lot of candy and we ship them off to friends and relatives. My boyfriend and I help box everything up. This year, she has decided to make about six different kinds of fudge.

As my boyfriend and I are cutting, wrapping, and boxing up the candy, my mom sticks her head into the den.

Mom: “How are my little fudge packers doing?”

My boyfriend and I burst into laughter, and it took us fifteen minutes before we were able to stop giggling long enough to explain to her what “fudge packer” meant.

My then-boyfriend is now my husband. I love my family.

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