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Checkout This Precociousness!

, , , , , , | Right | May 10, 2022

I am checking out a mother and her two young children, adorable twin boys likely around four years old. The mother is bagging as I scan the items, and then I give her the total.

To my surprise, one of the boys reaches for his mother’s purse and retrieves a credit card. He then climbs ON TO his brother, leaning against the checkout, to get him to the height where the card machine is.

I’m too much in shock to react, as I witness this child insert the card into the reader, enter the PIN, and press the correct buttons to process the transaction.

The mother has now finished bagging like this has been an entirely normal transaction, the twins have descended back to the ground, and as they depart, I hear one of them say to the other:

Twin: “Next time, it’s my turn to push the magic buttons!”

Luckily, there were no other customers, as I needed a minute.

A Totally Metal One, Grandma!

, , , , , , | Related | May 9, 2022

My great-grandmother immigrated from Poland to the USA. She was endeavoring to learn English, but sometimes there could be a little confusion with names. She had been informed of my birth and that my name would be Bernadette. She got a horrified look on her face, and offered this quite indignantly:

Great-Grandmother: Burn the dead?! What kind of name is that for a little girl?”

Won’t Let The Devil Pin You Down

, , , , , , | Right | May 7, 2022

Caller: “I need to complain! My PIN has 666 in it!”

Me: “Ma’am! Please stop there! Never reveal any part of your PIN to anyone, even a bank employee!”

Caller: “I didn’t tell you my whole PIN.”

Me: “It’s a four-digit code, ma’am. By revealing three numbers, you make it very easy for someone else to guess your PIN.”

Caller: “Well, I didn’t tell you the godly part, just the devilish bit. You need to change my PIN!”

Me: “Ma’am, we would have had to change your PIN anyway based on this conversation.”

Caller: “Well… good. But if I see any devil in my new PIN, I’ll be complaining!”

Accidentally Giving Her An Earful

, , , , , | Right | CREDIT: functi0nalPsych0path | May 7, 2022

I’m listening to the “Dune” series again on Audible to prepare for the movie coming out. I’m at a western wear store getting my winter hat reformed and cleaned. While they are doing that, I’m looking around, as one does. I have my earphones in.

I have a prosthetic ear on my right side that is held on by magnets. When I have earphones in, I still put them in both ears to make things look even, and it takes up some of the weight that would just be hanging off my left side if I didn’t — not that the weight is heavy, just annoying.

I’m kneeled over, looking at some boots, and my earphones are yanked off by a woman who starts barking at me. I’m pissed because she’s holding on to my earphones in her hand, and I can see that my ear is still attached to them.

I’m pissed, but the image of a woman barking while my ear is swinging from my earbud is enough to get me laughing.

She stops.

Woman: “What’s so darn funny?!”

Me: *Pointing* “Can I have my ear back?”

She looked down, screamed, dropped everything, and ran away. I went back to shopping and eventually got my hat taken care of.

I hope she dreams about my ear every night.

A Real Cabbage Patch Kid!

, , , , , | Right | May 6, 2022

When I was little, the cashier in the small-town grocery store was a friend of my mom’s. They were concerned because I lost a lot of weight. Mom didn’t have a scale at home that would weigh me, so she and her friend thought the new digital scale on the register seemed like a good option.

It was accurate, but the register required a product code to get the weight, and they were so excited that it worked that the friend forgot to clear that “item”. My mom paid for a baby-sized cabbage! She got home before she realized it!