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Simple Coke For Simple Folk

, , , , , | Right | August 8, 2008

Customer: “Excuse me, miss, but what is in your blackcurrant tea?”

Me: “Oh, it’s just blackcurrant tea.”

Customer: “But what’s in it?”

Me: “Dried blackcurrant tea leaves.”

Customer: “But what’s in it?”

Me: “Black. Currant. Tea.”

Customer: “But you aren’t telling me what’s in it!”

Me: “Ma’am, the tea distributors pluck leaves from a blackcurrant plant. Then, they dry them out, and package them. Then, we pour hot water over the tea leaves, which infuses the hot water with the flavor of the tea.”

Customer: “But what’s in it?”

(My boss comes over.)

Boss: “Ma’am, would you like a Coke?”


This story is part of the Awesome Manager roundup!

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Someone Seriously Needs A Time-Out

, , , | Right | August 8, 2008

(I was in line at a Texas-style BBQ restaurant that serves you counter-style. A Wall Street-type dressed in a very expensive designer business suit is two people ahead of me.)

Counter Guy: “What can I get you?”

Customer: “I need two pounds of moist brisket, wrapped up to go.”

Counter Guy: “Sorry, we just ran out.”

Customer: *slams fist on counter* “AAGGHH, F***! What the f***?!”

Counter Guy: “Um… I’m sorry sir. We still have plenty of the lean brisket.”

Customer: “I don’t want the f***ing lean brisket. I came all the way here for the moist. I can’t f***ing believe this s***! What the f***?”

Counter Guy: “Sir…”

Customer: “Ahh, s***! I can’t believe I came all the way the f*** up here for this s***. Of course you’re out! Why wouldn’t you f***ing have the moist? Ahh!”

Counter Guy: “Sir, really, we have the lean and it’s still very good.”

Customer: “But I don’t want the lean. I came for the moist. S***! This f***ing sucks!”

Counter Guy: “C’mon, sir, just try the lean. I’m sure you’ll like it.”

Customer: “No, I won’t! I want the moist. How the f*** can you be out? F***!”

Counter Guy: *offers a free sample of lean brisket* “I’ll give you some to try. Please, sir, just try it.”

Customer: “Fine! I’ll try the d*** lean!”

(He takes a bite.)

Customer: *completely calm* “Yeah. Yeah, that’s not bad at all. I’ll take two pounds to go, please.”


This story is part of the Customers-Overreacting roundup!

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What Goes Around Comes Around

, , , , | Right | August 8, 2008

Me: “Reference Desk, how may I help you?”

Caller: “I have been waiting for a book for months, and it’s overdue.”

Me: “Okay, I can put it on hold for you and that will trigger our system to call the person who has it out.”

Caller: “I can’t believe that you let people do this. It’s so rude! Don’t people understand that maybe someone else might be waiting to read that book?”

Me: “Ma’am, I understand. Could you please tell me your name and the title of the book?”

Caller: *tells me her name and the book title*

(I type in her name, click “Place Hold” and enter the title. An error message pops up: “Cannot place hold. This title is already checked out to this patron.”)

Me: “Ma’am… there seems to be a problem. I can’t place the book on hold for you because you are the one who has it checked out.”

Caller: “What? WHAT?! That is impossible! How could that be? I never checked that book out!”

Me: “Well, it’s out on your card, and it’s quite overdue. I’m going to have to ask you to return it because there are people waiting to read it.”

A Little Bit Too Specific

, , , | Right | August 7, 2008

Customer: “Hi, you know your stock pretty well, right?”

Me: “Yup.”

Customer: “My wife is divorcing me, but her birthday is next week. I need a card for that.”

Me: “…I don’t think they really make a card for that occasion.”

… And We Wonder Why Everyone Hates Us, Part Two

, , , , | Right | August 7, 2008

Customer: “I’m looking for something that ain’t made in China. This one says made in EU… what’s that mean?”

Me: “It means it’s made in the European Union.”

Customer: “Billy! Billy come quick! This lady says Europe’s a union now!”

Me: “No, ma’am, it means…”

Billy: “Europe united? ”

Me: “Sir, the European Union is…”

Billy: “‘Bout g*d**n time. It was them d*** countries that started the war!”