One night while we are doing dishes, my wife mentions really having a craving for donuts from a certain shop she likes that’s a bit of a drive away from our house. I decide I want to be nice and surprise her, so I get up early and drive to the donut shop. While I’m waiting in line, my father walks in.

Me: “Hey, what are you doing here?”

Dad: “[Mother] mentioned she was craving donuts from here and I got up early to surprise her. What about you?” 

Me: “[Wife] was craving donuts.”

Just then, my brother-in-law walks in and is surprised to see us.

Me: “Let me guess, [Sister] was craving donuts?”

He nods.

Me: “Just out of curiosity, do you guys start drooling when you hear bells like I do?” 

Turns out my wife, mom, and sister had gone out to lunch the day before and all of our “surprises” weren’t as much our idea as we had thought.

We’re a popular outlet and it’s a Saturday, so it’s beyond crowded. A panicked parent has approached my manager; she’s lost her son and has given a description.

Manager: *Via headset* “All right, team, we’re looking for [Child], three years old, [description of clothes]. His mother is here and he is not accompanied by other adults!”

Doors are shut, music is turned off, and my manager climbs on a waist-level shelf and starts talking LOUD.

Manager: “Attention shoppers! We’re looking for a young boy, wearing a black [Brand] shirt, blue shorts, and white [Brand] shoes, with blonde hair. Again, we’re looking for—”

Customer: “EXCUSE ME?!”

He holds up a child perfectly matching the description, “The Lion King” style.

Little Boy: “HELLO! I am looking for my mum? She is tall and blonde and has a large purse, but I am not allowed to say her name to strangers!”

Mother and son were reunited and shopping resumed. We got glowing reviews from several shoppers.

This story is part of our Best Of October 2021 roundup!

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I went to a restaurant. The server VERY confidently started telling me about the “peanut griggeos” and “heffy-weezens” they had on the drink menu.

He also tried to tell me that “pesto” meant it had chicken in it.

I am in the long crawl of the last five minutes at the end of my shift on a Friday. It’s a busy day, I’m drained and 100% over being at work, and I guess it must be showing in my voice.

Me: “[Company], this is [My Name].”

Caller: *Long moment of silence* “Hello? Is this a recording or a real person?”

Me: *Snapping back to attention* “Oh, I’m sorry. I’m a real person.”

Caller: *Starts laughing* “Oh, okay, I just… You sounded so even and flat a minute ago, I was confused!”

Me: “Let me say something spontaneous for you; onomatopoeia! Photocopier! Edward Scissorhands!”

This elicited more laughter, and the call continued as normal, and before I knew it my last five minutes were over!

During the latest health crises and civil unrest, most firearms stores have been completely wiped out of product. This is particularly true for states with heavy restrictions on what they can have.

As a sales rep for a firearms wholesaler, I am well aware of the desperation of many of these dealers. They are trying to stay in business and cannot get product to sell. One of my restricted state customers knows by now that I only call him if I have guns that are okay to ship to him.

Customer: “I’ll take it.”

Me: “Great!”

Customer: “Matter of fact, I’ll take two.”

Me: “Perfect! That’s exactly how many I have. And one of the other.”

Customer: “Fantastic! Get them here as soon as you can!”

Me: “On it!”

Customer: “Thank you so much. Now, what did I buy?”

Twenty years on the job, and this was by far the easiest and most memorable sales call ever.