I am notoriously bad with directions. My dad and I are planning on meeting in the town where we live; I am walking from my house and he is walking from his.

Me: “Where will I meet you?”

Dad: “You know the tackle shop?”

I’m a woman in my twenties with absolutely zero interest in fishing.

Me: “Why would I know where the tackle shop is?”

Dad: “You know the nail bar?”

I can’t express how little I care about nail décor.

Me: “Why would I know where the nail bar is?”

Mum: “You know the church?”

Me: “Which one?”

Mum: “The church of England in the middle of town.”

Me: “Uh…”

Eventually, Dad gets out Google Maps and points to a landmark.

Dad: “I’ll meet you here at 3:45.”

Me: “Oh, the fountain? Why didn’t you lead with that?”

Dad: “I didn’t think you’d know there was a fountain in town.”

Me: “But a tackle shop is essential knowledge?!”

Fortunately, I found him easily enough!

It’s just gone 9:00 am and I notice a couple browsing food-to-go. The woman is very much looking like she’s just rolled out of bed and sounds English, whilst the man sounds like he’s local and looks a lot more together. They’re having some kind of disagreement; she looks annoyed but he is trying not to laugh.

Woman: *Sounding very tired* “Excuse me. Sorry to disturb your shopping, but I’d like to ask your opinion on something if that’s okay?”

Me: *Against my better judgment* “Sure thing, ma’am.”

Woman: “Would you agree that forcing someone to do mathematics when they’ve been awake for over twenty-four hours and had been traveling for… eleven-ish hours… was evil?”

Me: “Oh, definitely, ma’am.”

Woman: “Thank you.” *To the man, who’s now outright laughing* “See, you are being evil. Evil, evil, evil.” *Pauses, then speaks in a pitiful voice* “I just want to eat and sleep.” 

I later see them leaving.

Woman: *To me* “He bought me cookies.”

Me: “So everything is forgiven, ma’am?”

Woman: “Yesssssssssss.”

I once had a math professor who was very invested in the “whole package” philosophy of teaching — so much so that his students were required to write essays and give presentations on things related to math, and we were strictly graded on things like punctuation and grammar, not just content. Many of us learned to be very careful and double- and triple-check anything we turned in because we didn’t want to have points taken off. We would often trade papers for proofreading if it wasn’t an exam situation.

One day, I was taking one of this professor’s exams and noticed a misspelling in a word problem. He had misspelled balloon as ‘baloon,’ and because our exam was handwritten on mimeograph paper and not printed from a word processor, there was no spell check to save him. Because I was hyper-aware of those types of mistakes in his class, I reflexively circled the misspelling while reading the problem and continued on with the exam.

To his credit, when returning the exams to us, he confessed that he had indeed made a spelling error on the exam and that he felt it was only fair that he award extra credit to everyone who pointed it out. It turned out that more than half the class had done as I had and marked the misspelling because he had instilled that attention to detail into us so thoroughly.

My teenage daughter and I are at a Renaissance Festival listening to a musician. I say something to my daughter and she punches me in the arm.

Wife: “What did you hit Dad for?”

Daughter: “Tell her.”

Me: “I just said I knew that musician. During periods of civil disorder, he breaks into businesses and steals stuff.”

Wife: “…”

Me: “He’s a luter.”

Wife: “Hit him again.”

I’m relating my medical history to a doctor I’ve never seen before. He’s wrapped up the visit and is typing the report, and he’s already had two phone calls in the meanwhile.

Doctor: *Typing* “…and when did you have the hysterectomy?”

Me: “I don’t remember which year. It could have been… 2016, 2017. I’m not sure.”

Doctor: *Still typing* “Okay, I’ll put in 2016. But it was after the pregnancy, anyway, correct?”

Me: “I’m quite sure it was after the pregnancy, doc.”

Doctor: *Pauses* “Oh.”

It’s a hard time to be a doctor.