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Chlorine Wishes And Door Knob Dreams

, , , , , | Right | December 30, 2008

Customer: “Hi, what kinds of doorknobs do you carry?”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but we don’t have any doorknobs.”

Customer: “What?! WHY NOT?”

Me: “Um… because this is a pool supply store.”

Customer: “This is totally unacceptable! I came here to get a new set of doorknobs for my garage, and you’re telling me that you won’t sell me any?”

Me: “Yeah, pretty much.”

Customer: “You are so rude! I demand to know the name of the manager! I’m going to complain about this; I hope you liked your job!”

Me: “I do like my job, as a matter of fact. Here you go.”

(I hand her my business card, which states that I am the store manager.)

Me: “Just call this number and I’m sure you’ll be taken care of.”

(The customer grumbles and walks out. She gets into her car and proceeds to call the number on the business card I just handed her.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Store], this is [My Name], how may I help you?”

Customer: “Yes, I was just in one of your stores, and the employee was incredibly rude to me. He refused to sell me a set of doorknobs.”

Me: “I’m sorry you feel that way, ma’am, but as I just told you when you were in the store, we do not sell doorknobs.”

Customer: “I WANT TO SPEAK TO THE MANAGER! NOW!”

Me: “You are, ma’am. I am the store manager.”

(The customer screams and hangs up, then speeds away in her car. In the process, she cuts off a police officer, who promptly pulls her over.)


This story is part of the Awesome Manager roundup!

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Read the Awesome Manager roundup!

It’s So Easy… Yet So Difficult

, , , , | Right | December 24, 2008

(I work for the online customer service branch of a major department store, answering questions via “live help.” The store has many older customers who often have trouble shopping online. The following is an online conversation I have.)

Customer: “Your site won’t let me get through!”

Me: “I’m sorry to hear that. Could you tell me what part of the site you were having an issue with?”

Customer: “It keeps telling me that I have the wrong password. I have my password!”

(I look up her password and use it on the site to make sure it works.)

Me: “I have tested your password and it appears to be working. Would you like me to send you an email with a copy of your password?”

Customer: “NO! I have my password! It says it right here on the screen, and I typed it just like it says.”

Me: *slightly confused as to why the customer’s password would be displayed* “What password do you see on the screen?”

Customer: “cAsE sEnsitIve! I typed it the exact way that it says here! ‘Your password is cAsE sEnsitIve’!”


This story is part of our Password roundup! This is the last story in the roundup, but we have plenty of others you might enjoy!

10 Stories About The Stupidest Tech Support Calls Ever

 

Read the next Password roundup story!

Read the Password roundup!

Is There Anything That Guy Can’t Do?

, , , , | Right | December 23, 2008

Customer: “Do you have movie with Forrest Gump?”

Me: “Yes, we have the movie Forrest Gump; would you like me to tell you where it is?”

Customer: “No, I look for movie Forrest Gump where he gets big.”

Me: “Uhh… do you mean you’re looking for the movie ‘Big’ with Tom Hanks?”

Customer: “Not Tom Hanks, ‘FORREST GUMP’! ‘BIG’!”

Me: “…”

Around The World…Eventually

, , , , , | Right | December 19, 2008

Me: “Thanks for calling [Company]. How can I help you?”

Caller: “Hi, I need directions.”

Me: “Ok, where are you right now?”

Caller: “Highway One.”

Me: “Are you heading north or south?”

Caller: “South.”

Me: “Okay, so after the highway turns away from the ocean…”

Caller: “Oh, I’m nowhere near the ocean.”

Me: “Wait, you’re heading south, right?”

Caller: “Yes, that’s what I just said!”

Me: “What city are you in?”

Caller: *names a city that’s about 30 miles south of where our place is*

Me: “Oh, that’s actually south of us.”

Caller: “I know that! Don’t talk to me like I’m a moron. I’m south of where you are, so I can only take the highway south to get to you!”

Me: “Well, then, we’ll see you here once you’ve circumnavigated the globe!”


This story is part of our 3rd Terrible At Geography roundup! This is the last story in the roundup, but we have plenty of others you might enjoy!

10 Stories About Lost Customers Who Are Terrible With Directions

 

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Read the 3rd Terrible At Geography roundup!

Thievers Can’t Be Choosers

, , , , , | Right | December 19, 2008

Me: “Thank you for calling [Hotel]. How may I help you?”

Caller: “Yeah, I want to complain about these towels of yours. They’re really rough and scratchy.”

Me: “I’m sorry about that, sir… Wait a second; are you calling from outside the hotel?”

(I double-check the incoming call info, and see that it’s coming in on our toll-free line.)

Caller: “Yeah, I’m at home.”

Me: “And you’re calling to complain about towels you took from the hotel?”

Caller: “Yeah, they suck. They’re not very soft.”

Me: “Well, I certainly apologize for that, sir. If you’ll give me your name and address, I’ll have Housekeeping send you some new ones.”

(Surprisingly, he actually gave me his info; not surprisingly, he called a couple of weeks later to complain about the bill we sent him for the towels.)