After two years of working from home, I return to the office. I see a coworker whom I haven’t seen in real life in that same time, and we start chatting near the coffee machine.

Coworker #1: “And how is Robin doing?”

Me: “Oh, Robin is fine. The only odd thing is that he’s lately very obsessed with my bras. He keeps on sniffing the one I wore that day. I tried giving him an old one to fool around with, but no, it has to be the one I wore that day.”

Coworker #1: “And he never did that before?”

Me: “No, but I guess as long as he doesn’t rip them, I’m okay with it.”

Coworker #2: “[My Name], how could you?!”

Me: “Eh… excuse me? Oh, hi, [Coworker #2], didn’t see you.”

Coworker #2: “How old is Robin now?”

Me: “Eh… seven years old?”

Coworker #2: “And you just let this happen?! You should put a stop to this, right now! Sure, it may be bras now, but what’s next, panties?! And you’re just okay with that? [My Name], you of all, people, I expected more of. How can you be okay with this? And don’t go saying, ‘Boys will be boys’! What does your husband say about this?”

Me: *Pauses* “[Coworker #2], you do remember that Robin is my cat, right?”

I’ve never seen anyone turn that red. [Coworker #2] quickly left; she must have remembered that my husband and I don’t have any children. And while I am looking into my cat’s behaviour, I doubt a seven-year-old, neutered, indoor cat will be the world’s next danger for women.

Years ago, when my gramps was sick with a cold, my nan messaged my mum regarding an upcoming visit.

Nan: “Gramps has a cold. Maybe we should reschedule. He will be better soon.”

My mum tried to reply:

Mum: “No problem. I hope he does.”

But autocorrect changed her message to:

Mum: “No problem. I hope he dies.”

Luckily, our family has a good sense of humour. It’s been an ongoing joke for years.

I’ve been a cashier for over two years now, so I’ve seen all kinds of weird, funny, and borderline insane things happen while working.

Today was super slow until I helped my last customer. He was an elderly gentleman just buying a few small items. I greeted him, scanned his items, and then told him his total. As I waited to see what his method of payment would be, he started unbuckling and unzipping his pants.

I was shocked, so I quickly looked away because what the heck? Then, he quickly started apologizing.

Customer: “No, no, I’m not trying to be indecent or anything! I’m just wearing two pairs of pants and my wallet is inside!”

I slowly started to look back and saw that he was, in fact, wearing a second pair of pants under the first and digging for his wallet. I just laughed awkwardly and he paid and started to leave.

Me: “Have a great night!”

Customer: “All right.”

He responded in the most serious way as if accepting my words as a command.

The strange part was that the top layer of pants didn’t seem to be painting pants or anything like that; they were just normal slacks from what I could tell. Overall, he was an interesting customer compared to the rest of that night. It cracked me up and I think I’ll remember this one for quite a while.

I work in customer service for a food company. Customers call us if they have questions about our products regarding things like ingredients, health, allergens, etc.

Me: “Thank you for calling [Company]. How can I help you?”

Caller: “How do you know when to take [pie] out of the microwave?”

Suddenly, I hear a loud “pop!” from the background.

Person In The Background: “MY LEGS!”

Caller: “Uh… I gotta go!” *Click*

My youngest cousin is, frankly, annoying as h***. She always has to be better than anyone, and her sense of humour consists of mocking, insulting, or hitting other people. Unfortunately, when she was little, most people thought it was cute and let her get away with it. She’s also very religious and has a “holier-than-thou” attitude. The majority of my family members are atheists and got tired of her attempts to proselytize us long ago, but at my brother’s wedding, she finds a new victim.

Cousin: “Have you welcomed Jesus into your heart yet?”

Friend: “Uh. I’ve heard of him. Personally, I’m a follower of the Raven Queen.”

Cousin: “But Jesus is our saviour! Don’t you want to go to Heaven? Have you even read the Bible?”

Friend: “Bits, yeah, in school.”

Cousin: “You should really take it more to heart! It speaks about how Jesus sacrificed Himself and died for our sins!”

Friend: “Don’t spoiler me! I didn’t get to that part yet!”

At this point, everyone around was listening, ready to save him from our over-zealous cousin. We all burst out laughing. So far, she hasn’t tried again!