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The Baby Steps Diet

, , , | Right | July 8, 2008

Me: “Hi, welcome to [Coffee Shop]. How can I help you?”

Regular Customer: “Hey, buddy!”

Me: “How are ya today? The usual?”

Regular Customer: “Nope, I cut back on my sugar. I no longer take eight.”

Me: “Oh. What can I get you, then?”

Regular Customer: “I’ll get a large with seven-and-three-quarters sugar.”

Oh My, Aren’t We Sneaky Today

, , , | Right | July 8, 2008

(I’m working at a well-known Scandinavian furniture store. Our children’s supervised play area only allows ages 3 to 6. Parents need to fill in a form with the names of the children and the address…)

Customer: *writes down age 7*

Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry, but only children from 3 until 6 are allowed to play in here.”

Customer: *makes a 6 out of the 7 and looks at me with a big smile*

Me: “…”

A Fine Line Between Smarta** and Dumba**

, , , , , , | Right | July 7, 2008

(I work at a popular fast food restaurant. Drive-through customers should be aware that we can hear every word they say.)

Coworker: “Hi, welcome to [fast food place]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “I just need a minute to decide.”

Coworker: “No problem, just let me know when you are ready.”

(The customer talks to his passengers, while we listen…)

Customer: *to his passengers* “I should ask for something dumb on my ice cream, just to see what they say. How about pickles? They would probably just ignore me. Oh, I know… tomatoes!”

Customer: *to my coworker* “Okay, I’m ready.”

Coworker: “Alright, go ahead…”

Customer: “I’d like an ice cream sundae with tomatoes on it, please.”

Coworker: “I’m sorry, due to the recent recall in the States, we aren’t serving tomatoes right now. Can I offer you a sundae with pickles instead?”

Customer: *drives off without ordering anything*

Those Silly Colonies And Their Quaint Rebellion

, , , , | Right | July 7, 2008

(We have a lot of patriotic displays up in the store windows for the 4th of July: flags, red white and blue balloons, Uncle Sam hats, etc.)

Old Lady #1: “Wow, look at all of these! It’s Christmas in July.”

Old Lady #2: “I love it when they do this. I love crazy things like Christmas in July!”


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Directionally Challenged

, , , , | Right | July 6, 2008

Me: “Hello! How can I help you today?”

Customer: “Yeah, I need a [Sandwich], two large fries, and a shake.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, we don’t sell those here. [Competitor] is next door.”

Customer: “OH!”

(He walks into my dining room and promptly returns to the counter. He appears slightly confused.)

Me: “Can I help you, sir?”

Customer: “Yeah! I thought you said [Competitor] is next door.”

Me: “Yes, sir, it is.”

(I proceed to walk with him back to the dining room and point next door.)

Me: “If you come back this way and go through our side exit, you can walk right over to [Competitor].”

Customer: “OH!”

(I follow him back to the area near the side door and point him in that direction. He appears to be on his way to a [Sandwich], two fries and, a shake when I hear our restroom door open and close. Sure enough, moments later he appears at my counter again.)

Customer: “Why did you send me to the bathroom?!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. Please follow me.”

(I escort the gentleman out the side door and tell him [Competitor] is next door.)

Customer: “OH! Thank you!”

(He started walking toward the front of both my building and [Competitor]. I felt confident he was going to get there. I was wrong. He walked around my building and through the parking lot, and was last seen heading toward an empty lot and the railroad tracks.)


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