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Too Bad Brains And Patience Are In Short Supply

, , , , , | Right | CREDIT: MaiTai0427 | October 10, 2021

Me: “This is [Supply Company]. How can we hel—”

Caller: “How could you hang up on me?! I’ve been trying to get this order placed for the last thirty minutes with you, and we finally get to the payment, and we get disconnected, and you don’t even call me back?!”

Me: “I’m sorry that happened to you, but I wasn’t the one you were speaki—”

Caller: “I don’t care. Let’s just get this over with.”

Me: “All right, one moment.”

I search through the account that popped up via her phone number and there’s nothing from today. I’m dreading telling her that with every fiber of my being. I finally bite the bullet.

Me: “Sorry, there is nothing here from today.”

She immediately goes into a tirade about how incompetent we are and how she has never been so exhausted with a company. She demands to know how we can lose an order we just discussed fifteen minutes ago. This goes on for a solid minute.

Caller: “I demand to speak to the woman who hung up on me!”

Me: “The last agent you spoke to on [Day] was male.”

Caller: “I just spoke to a female agent fifteen minutes ago!”

Me: “Your last call was on [Day] with a male agent.

She’s so mad that she yells:

Caller: “Where are you calling me from?!”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry, but you called me.”

She is so pissed off at this point that she goes silent.

Me: “Yes, you called me at [Supply Company].”

Caller: “Yes, I know that already. This is [Other Supply Com]— Oh, wait.”

She goes silent again.

Me: “Sorry, ma’am, this isn’t [Other Supply Company].”

She hung up. I still whispered, “Have a nice day!”

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Keep Your Mitts Off My Mitzi!

, , , , , , | Related | October 10, 2021

When I was growing up, my mother regularly talked about how she hated Pomeranians — “little yappy things,” she called them — and how she hated dogs named Mitzi and would never own one, ever. She had a neighbor when she was young with a vicious little dog that matched this description.

One day when I was about fourteen, I was at a mall with my parents and my mother had gone into a fabric store. My father and I walked into a pet store to kill time, and while we were there, someone brought in a sweet-tempered little dog she wanted to sell.

My father started interacting with the dog and liked it.

Father: “What sort of dog is this?”

Owner: “She’s a Pomeranian.”

Father: “What’s her name?”

Owner: “Mitzi.”

My father lit up like a Christmas tree.

Father: “[My Name], go tell your mother I’m buying a Pomeranian named Mitzi.”

I thought it would be funny to tell her that, so I found her.

Me: “Dad’s buying a Pomeranian named Mitzi.”

I’d never seen my mother look so horrified in her life. She dropped her shopping and stormed off to the pet store. However, by the time we got back, my father had actually bought the dog. My mother stared daggers at him all the way home and said she wanted nothing to do with the dog. 

But within about three days, that dog had my mother totally smitten. She was gentle and mischievous and not at all happy — except when moose came into the yard. The only remainder of her previous insistence was that we were not allowed to call the dog Mitzi but instead called her Mits.

She ended up becoming my mother’s dog until the day she died while out chasing a moose — her favorite activity. My mother ended up with her favorite dog all because it was a breed and name she despised.

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Be Glad You’re Not The PRINCIPAL’S Kid

, , , , , , , | Learning | October 10, 2021

I’m substitute teaching at a high school. As most high schoolers do, they are testing me. While it is annoying, it’s nothing I can’t handle. I know the staff and routine well so I know what to do and who to call if things get out of control. The class I’m working in for the day is a bit rowdy and led by one student in particular who just happens to be the secretary’s daughter. Instead of sending her to the disciplinary room and having that on her record, I decide to call her mother.

Me: “Hi. [Student] is giving me a rough time in class. I don’t want to send her to [room] unless I absolutely have to. Would you mind if I send her down to you?”

I can hear the smile in the mother’s voice.

Mother: “No need. I’ll handle it. Just give me one minute.”

Me: “Okay?”

She hangs up. I hear the entire schoolwide intercom system click on. The entire school hears the secretary’s voice. 

Mother: “[Student’s First, Middle, And Last Name]! Get it together or you’re grounded!”

The girl’s face goes white and her friends burst into laughter. 

My phone rings. 

Me: “Hello?”

Mother: “Just let me know if she gives you any more trouble.”

Me: “Absolutely.”

The student didn’t give me any more trouble!

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Her Defense Is Sweet But Unnecessary

, , , , , | Friendly | October 9, 2021

I’m driving my car with my best friend and her brother as passengers. I haven’t seen her brother in many years, since I moved over a decade ago.

Brother: “So, what have you been up to?”

Me: “Well, I had a baby.”

Brother: “Yeah, I can see that.”

Friend: “What’s that supposed to mean?! She looks great!”

Me: “No, he can see because he’s crammed in between two empty car seats in the back seat.”

Brother: “Yeah, I had to climb over them to get in.”

Friend: “Oh, yeah!”

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If You’re Not Here, Please Raise Your Hand

, , , , , | Learning | October 8, 2021

I’m fifteen, in eighth grade, and we are having history class. Our teacher is a very calm, tall, big guy who gives this vibe of being a cool, laid back person in practically all situations.

In my class are four girls who are usually quite good at following along in class, but not today. Today they decide to be very — loudly — chatty after class starts. 

Our teacher just looks at them while quietly marking down who is present. After a while, the teacher speaks out loud to all of us in a sort of wondering way.

Teacher: “Can you be absent while still being present?”

All of us students, besides the four girls, think about it and slowly agree. Without paying any attention to the teacher, the four girls just wave their hands in a “whatever” gesture.

Four Girls: “Yes, yes. Sure, you can.”

Then, they go back to chatting.

Teacher: *With determination in his voice* “All right, then I’ll mark all of you four girls as being absent in this class.”

You should have seen how fast these four girls started to pay attention, declaring that he could not do that, since they were in the classroom. I don’t think we ever got it clear if the teacher did actually mark them as absent or not, but the four girls never did the same thing in his class again.

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