I am majoring in [Major #1] at my university. I sign on as a Teaching Assistant (TA) early on and get on very well with all of the teachers. The lead teacher for the course, [Professor #1], starts jokingly telling me, “You’re fired!” any time I have a question or problem.

Me: “[Professor #1], this power supply seems to be busted.”

Professor #1: “You’re fired!”

Me: “This student needs a password reset for the online homework system.”

Professor #1: “You’re fired!”

And so on.

At some point, an additional instructor, [Professor #2], is hired, and he joins in the goofiness.

I continue as a TA for this course throughout my Bachelor’s degree and on into the first semester of my Master’s. My Master’s is a combined program for [Major #1] and [Major #2], but the actual degree will be in [Major #2]. For this first semester, I am working half of my time in the TA position and the other half assisting a [Major #2] professor with her research website.

My bosses in [Major #1] suggest that since I am now technically pursuing [Major #2], I should find work in their department fully and cease being a TA for [Major #1]. As I’ve been a TA in great standing for so many years and absolutely love it, I am fairly devastated.

Nonetheless, I follow their advice and end up getting an appointment to teach a full class the following semester in [Major #2]. This eases the blow, as I want to become a professor anyway.

I report the news to everyone at our next weekly TA meeting. [Professor #2] gets a huge grin on his face, like a child let loose in a candy warehouse, and says:

Professor #2: “Finally! After all these years, I get to say it for real! [My Name], you’re fired!”

I’m a newly qualified nurse in a stroke ward. I’m doing a medication round and find a new listing on a patient Kardex (list of meds, when to give them, etc.) that I cannot read. It looks like someone has tried to draw a wave. I go hunt down a doctor to get it interpreted.

Doctor: “How am I supposed to know? It’s just a squiggle! You nurses should be able to read it! Or find the moron who wrote it and ask them!”

Me: “You wrote it. That’s your signature.”

The doctor is silent for a moment.

Doctor: “…what patient was it again?”

One of the toppings we offer for our frozen Greek yogurt dessert is honey. I am serving two teenagers.

Teenager #1: “Do you make the honey yourself?”

I am about to reply when her friend interjects with honey-dripping sarcasm.

Teenager #2: “Yes. She makes the honey herself because she is actually a bee.”

My girlfriend, some friends, and I decide to go to a sandwich shop during a snowstorm. We go to another friend’s house to pick him up (he lives at the top of a large hill covered in ice — that was fun) and then head back to town. I’ve been carrying a twelve-can crate of beer the whole way as I am not really sure if any shops will be open due to the weather.

We make it to the sandwich shop and my girlfriend and friends go in to order. The snow is probably at the three-feet mark by now and we’re surprised they’re not closed.

I dig a hole in the snow right outside the door and start filling it with cans of beer.

Then, suddenly:

Employee: “Oi, what do you think you’re doing?”

I look up and it’s one of the staff from inside the shop.

Me: “Err… just burying my beer, bro.”

He gives me this weird look.

Employee: “Dude, it’s snowing hard right now. I’ve had no customers all day except for you and that lady in there. Stop burying them and bring them inside; we’re all thirsty!”

And so we all ended up sitting in this sub shop with the staff, eating free sandwiches, and drinking beer. After about two hours, the employee said he didn’t want to be snowed in there with us and was closing shop — a good call, as the snow was encroaching four or five feet.

I frequent a small independent grocery store in a small rural town. Most people know each other, so we tend to be a bit more relaxed around here. Above the counter is a sign saying:

Sign: “[Number] days since a customer asked a stupid question.”

It has been a record-number ninety-nine days since a customer has asked a stupid question, and in a depressing state of awareness of the world, the sign does not come equipped for three-digit numbers.

My total comes to $23. I hand the employee a $20 bill and ask:

Me: “Can I put the remaining $3 on my card?”

Employee: “Sure!”

Me: “Oh, wait, I need some gas money. Can I get $10 cashback?”

The employee looks at the money, looks at me, looks up at the sign, looks back at me, and sighs.

Me: *Realising* “I take it back! I take it back!”

Employee: “It’s too late. The question has been asked!”