Worst. Advertising. Ever.

, , , | Right | January 16, 2008

(My first day on the job at a Halloween shop, my manager decides that we aren’t getting enough business and proceeds to hand me a plastic pitchfork, wrap a feather boa around my neck, and shove me out onto a street corner in the ghetto with a sign.)

People: *in a passing car* “SATANIST B***H!” *throws ketchup packets at me*

(A short time later, a white car driven by an older man pulls up.)

Older Man: “Miss?”

Me: *walks over* “Yes?”

Older Man: “How much?”

Me: “…excuse me?”

Older Man: “Well, I don’t usually go for the satanic-looking type. I guess you could get out of all that black…”

Me: “What the… oh…” *I start laughing hysterically*

Older Man: “What? You aren’t?”

Me: *I point up towards the store* “Mister, I work for the Halloween shop…”

Older Man: “Oh, when do you open?”

Me:I don’t. The store is open now, though.”

(The older man blushed and sped away. After that, I picked up my sign, went back to the store, and told my manager that I refused to do that ever again.)


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And The Cases Serve Their Purpose

, , , | Right | January 11, 2008

(Note: this is before Halo 3 has come out. A customer walks into the store and looks at the display cases of Halo 3.)

Customer: “HALO 3 IS OUT! HOW DID I MISS IT?! Do you have any copies left?”

Me: “No. The game does not come out for another month.”

Customer: “Then why do you have the cases out on the floor already?! It’s ridiculous! It serves no purpose but to taunt the customer. I hate when stores do this!”

(Customer turns and complains to his friend for five minutes, then turns back to me.)

Customer: “Is there any way that I can reserve Halo 3?”

Me: “Yes, you can, for $5.”

(Customer buys the reserve.)

Me: *as he is leaving* “And the cases serve their purpose.”


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If A Is Equal To B…

, , | Right | December 3, 2007

(I work in a Mexican restaurant; our pico de gallo salsa is the same as our “mild.”)

Lady: “I’ll have the pico de gallo and the mild.”

Me: “Oh, well, they’re the same thing.”

Lady: “…But I want both.”

Me: “O…K…” *scoops pico de gallo* “…there’s the pico, and…” *adds another scoop* “…there’s the mild.”

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Sorry, Scotty & Spock Haven’t Been Born Yet

, , , | Right | November 6, 2007

Customer: “Hello, is this Tech support?”

Me: “Absolutely, is there an issue I can help you with?”

Customer: “Yeah I want you to take over my computer and tell me what’s wrong with it. It’s all crazy.”

Thinking about how “all crazy” actually constitutes as a good description of a problem in most cases.

Me:  “Okay, ma’am, well I assume you’ve had us remote control your machine before, so go ahead and open the program for me and I’ll try to connect. What’s the IP address?”

Customer: “No, you can’t have my IP.”

Me: “Well it’s impossible to help you without it. Don’t worry, I’m not going to do something to your machine.”

Customer: “No, you don’t understand. My ISP or whatever stopped giving me internet so I need you to do it some other way.”

Me: “Ma’am, without internet I can’t just… beam into your computer.”

Customer: “Man, those guys control EVERYTHING!!”

*click*

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Because Insurance Is Such A Scream

, , , , , | Right | October 18, 2007

Me: “So, let me get this straight. You want your insurance website to look like the Walt Disney World site?”

Client: “Yes, because [the Walt Disney World site] seems so happy and fun. When people visit our site, they should feel like buying insurance is fun!”

Me: “Um, okay… so is there anything else you’d like?”

(The client thinks for a few moments.)

Client: “Rollercoasters! I like rollercoasters!”

Me: *face palm*

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