I met with a used car dealership for a potential website project. The owner fulfilled every stereotype of a used car salesman, from the velour jumpsuit to the gold chains. The meeting is best summed up by this amazing question. (Please read it in a thick New York accent.)

Client: “So… like, uh… When you build dis website…. You gotta do it in my garage or what?!”

I am the author of this story.

The manager has decided that, on certain days of the month, we will be permitted to wear clothing featuring our favorite sports team.

I do not have a favorite sports team, and my only sports paraphernalia is a very soft blanket that I like a great deal, but I’ve never watched the team in question. So, on the first such day since the new policy, I do not wear any sports-related clothing.

My manager bothers me all day long, asking where my sports team clothing is. A couple of other coworkers bother me, too, but they each only ask once and accept it when I say I do not have any.

Annoyed, I do some research, and I find that the paraphernalia [Manager] is wearing is related to the team called “The Giants” and that they have a rival team called “The Eagles”.

I go to a thrift store and pick up as much Eagles stuff as I can. The next time a sports-paraphernalia day rolls around, I arrive at work in Eagles everything. I have an Eagles hat. I have an Eagles jacket. I have a shirt, a jersey, a pair of pants, a set of socks, and a set of sneakers. I’m even holding an Eagles coffee mug.

My manager watches me walking through the office door with all of this on, pinches the bridge of his nose, and asks me to go home to change.

I do so. My manager has never again bothered me about wearing sports stuff on the sports days.

I donated the clothing back to a thrift store afterward, but I kept the sneakers. They were comfy.

Related:
Worst. Prize. EVER.

I am a clerical worker for a State Government Agency. All these robocalls and scammer calls are ridiculous. The phone rang the other day, and I looked at the caller ID. I was almost positive it was one of those, but hey, work phone. I answered.

Me: “Hi! [State Government Agency], how can I help you?”

I heard the click as the robo-dialer kicked it over to a live person, who did not hear this greeting.

Caller: “Hello?”

Me: “Hi! You’ve reached [State Government Agency]. How may I help you?”

All I can figure is he thought I was lying about the number he’d called and was trying to get out of talking to him.

Caller: “Well, then, f*** you, b****!”

And he hung up.

I started laughing and told my coworkers that he didn’t even give me a chance to tell him, “Not unless you buy me dinner first!”

My wife and I have two huskies, and we take them on car rides to the dog park almost every weekend (weather permitting) and to the pet store at least once a month.

It is early Sunday morning, and we’re heading to the pet store. We get the dogs in the car, and our female husky is content; she’s quietly sitting in the back and watching things out the rear window. Our male husky is his usual self — overly excited. He’s up and down over the back seat and being talkative for the first few minutes. It’s about a fifteen-minute drive to the pet store. After a few minutes, our male husky calms down, and he’s now laying down in the back.

We get within about a half-mile of the pet store, and both dogs must be able to smell the change in the air; they’re excited. They’re both now standing and watching out the windows as we drive closer and closer. We turn into the parking lot and it’s empty. It’s odd that the time is around 8:20 am and they’re not open. We pull up to the entrance and I read the “Hours of Operations” sign.

Sundays: Open 9:00 am.

We’re early. Okay, I guess we’ll make an unscheduled stop at the dog park about five minutes away and then come back.

My wife starts to turn and drive out of the parking lot, and our male husky freaks out and starts to panic. He’s trying to climb up into my lap in the front seat, and he’s whining like a baby and howling as we drive out of the parking lot and away from the store.

I’ve never seen him act that way before. It’s the funniest reaction I’ve ever seen a dog have. Drive to the pet store and then drive away without stopping? He was so upset. Poor puppy!

In the end, after about twenty minutes at the dog park, we go back to the store so he can get his people fix in. He loves meeting all the people, and if other dogs are in the store, that is just an added bonus.

A Romanian friend of mine has a job selling food on a train. She walks from one end to the other with a trolley, selling hot drinks, sandwiches, chocolate, etc. She passes this man, who, upon seeing her, starts ranting.

Passenger: “Bloody foreigners, taking all our jobs…

Without missing a beat, she turns to him, reaches into her pocket, and pulls out a business card.

Friend: “As it happens, sir, we have some vacancies, so if you’d like to call the number on this card, you could book yourself an interview.”

Passenger: *Stammering* “Oh, err, well… I’m honestly not really fussed about that sort of job. Er, thanks, anyway.”

Friend: “So, why did you complain about foreigners like me?”

He couldn’t answer her at all.