At Least She Was Honest

, , | Right | April 15, 2008

(I get a service call to go out to a customer’s house to service a malfunctioning laptop. I was talking to my boss and he gave me the rundown of the call.)

Me: “Alright, so what exactly does the customer want?”

Supervisor: “She says her laptop isn’t turning on, and there might be something wrong with her LCD screen.”

Me: “Okay, sounds like a hardware problem. Did she tell you why all this is going on?”

Supervisor: “Well… she was completely honest with me.”

Me: “…?”

Supervisor: “She got angry and threw it against a concrete wall in a fit of rage.”

Me: “…I’ll take care of it.”

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Tampax, Kayaks, Same Thing

, , , , | Right | April 14, 2008

(I work at a place that provides kayaks, hiking/climbing gear, canoes, and inner tubes for students at our university.)

Young Woman: “Hi, I need deodorant and a tampon.”

Me: “Um, we don’t have those here.”

Young Woman: “What do you mean?”

Me: “This is the Outdoor Center. We provide outdoor recreational equipment for students.”

Young Woman: “Well I’m a student, I’m outside, and I need deodorant and a tampon!”

(About this time my coworker looks up with a look on her face of WTF?!)

Me: “Yeah… those don’t come with kayaks or canoes.”

Young Woman: “They should!”

(I walk off to let my female coworker take over this one.)

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Pepperoni And A Side Of Dentures, Please

, , , | Right | April 13, 2008

Me: “[Pizza place], what can I get for you?”

Customer: “I’d like a large cheese pizza.”

Me: “Great. Anything else for you today?”

Customer: “Um… yeah. Could you undercook that? Most of the people eating the pizza don’t have teeth.”

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(Little Red Riding) In The ‘Hood

, , , | Right | April 11, 2008

Me: “Hello, ma’am, what can I do for you?”

Woman: “Well, I’m looking for a book to get my daughter reading, but I’m not sure where to look.”

Me: “Okay, what does your daughter like?”

Woman: “She really likes ghosts… and gangs.”

Me: “…?”

Woman: “Oh, she’s a gang member.”

Me: “Um…”

(A tiny, little white girl in a wife-beater hops up to the desk.)

Girl: “Yo, mama, you find me a d*** book yet?”

Me: “…true crime?”

(So, I help them find a book about gang wars, because I guess that fits both stipulations and take them to the register. My manager is working the register and tells me that he used to be really good friends with the mother. After I tell him that she said her little girl was a gang member he tells me that “they both were always a little stupid.”)

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Golly Gee, I’m So Smrt

, , , , | Right | April 9, 2008

Me: *notices customer walking into the store* “How can I help you today?”

Customer: “I see you have two DVDs for $10.”

Me: “Actually, that sale ended yesterday.”

Customer: “Well, I have to buy some for my son for Christmas, so maybe you can be a doll and ring them up for me for that price.”

Me: “I’m sorry, I can’t do that.”

Customer: “Why not?”

Me: “Because that sale ended yesterday.”

Customer: “What difference is it to you the price you sell these DVDs at?!”

Me: “My job…”

Customer: “How about if I give you $5?”

Me: “…sure.”

(I go and ring up the two DVDs, and take the customer’s money. With the additional five dollars, this adds up to the normal retail price so there have been no savings.)

Me: “Have a happy holiday.”

Customer: *winks at me*


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