I work in a tax office and my client today is a nurse.

I’ve got a bit of a sense of humor, and when I was younger I worked in a hospital, so just for fun I grab a piece of paper and scribble some meaningless squiggles on it.

Me: “Read this prescription for me?”

Nurse: *Without skipping a beat* “Amoxicillin, 250mg, three times per day, seven-day supply.”

We both laughed so hard it upset the client three cubicles over.

Scammer: “I am calling to inform you that your computer has a virus.”

Father: “My wife uses the computer more than I do. Here, talk to her.”

Scammer: “Hello, ma’am, I’m calling to inform you that your computer has a virus.”

Mother: “Let me give you to my daughter; she’s better with computers than I am.”

Scammer: “Hello, miss, I am calling to inform you that your computer has a virus.”

Me: “You should talk to my brother; he is the family tech guy.”

Scammer: “Hello, sir, I’m calling to inform you that your computer has a virus.”

Brother: “No, it doesn’t.” *Click*

Props to the scammer for staying professional while we gave them the runaround and even more for never calling back again!

Customer: “Please! You must help me! You only have medium-sliced bread and I must have thick-sliced!”

Me: “I’m afraid that what we have on the shelves is all we have in stock.”

Customer: “But you don’t understand! My horoscope told me I must have thick-sliced bread today or I would suffer horribly!”

Me: “I… uh… Let me fetch my manager.”

My manager is fetched and the… situation… is explained.

Manager: “We have whole loaves that aren’t sliced at all.”

Customer: “But it needs to be thick-sliced!”

Manager: “If you think about it, it’s one slice of bread that is incredibly thick. This must have been what your horoscope alluded to.”

Customer: *Eyes widening* “You’re right! It’s the thickest of all! This will save me! You must be a Taurus!”

I know my manager’s birthday and therefore know that he’s a Sagittarius.

Me: “Actually, he’s a—”

Manager: “—Taurus! Yes, you got me. I am most definitely a Taurus.”

Customer: “I knew it!” *Trots off happily*

Manager: *To me* “Sometimes you just gotta lean into the crazy.”

I move into a new place, and I am handed a booklet with the house rules in it — not uncommon.

Rule #1 is written in red and all in caps.

Rule #1: “IF YOU POO ON THE FLOOR, PICK IT UP IMMEDIATELY. FAILURE TO DO SO IS GROUNDS FOR EVICTION.”

My brother, who is helping me move, starts going off.

Brother: “Why is that a rule? Why is it in red? And in all caps?!”

Me: “There’s a story behind this one; I can just tell.”

Way back in the day, I was in charge of checking out electronics returns when they came into our big box store. A customer came in to return a broken modem — a 28.8k. I told you it was back in the day!

At the time (I have no idea if this is still the case) we had to write down what the customer said was wrong, and as long as there was no obvious damage, we refunded their money.

The customer returning the modem said, with a deadpan look on his face:

Customer: “My son said this one doesn’t work because the dilithium crystals are missing.”

He pointed to a part of the modem where it looked as if one of the capacitors had broken off.

Me: *Stifling a giggle* “Can you repeat that for me, sir?”

He repeated himself with absolute conviction.

Whether he believed it or not, I let that one slide and gave him his money back. It’s one of my favorite stupid tech stories!