It’s Gonna Be A Long Call

, , , , | Right | May 27, 2008

(A customer had some serious problems with his computer, and since we are an Internet company, we refer to the computer manufacturer number.)

Me: “Okay, sir, can you tell me the brand of your computer?”

Caller: “Compaq…” (or so I thought I heard…)

Me: “Okay, sir, give me a sec–”

Caller: *apparently still reading* “…compact disc.”

Me: “…”

1 Thumbs
1,936

Ouch… Sorry, Fido

, , , , | Right | May 27, 2008

Customer: “Are there any thrift stores around here that support cancer research?”

Clerk: “No, I think the only ones in town support the humane society.”

Customer: “Oh, we have asthma. We don’t want to support that.”

Clerk: “…”


This story is part of our Thrift Store roundup!

Read the next Thrift Store roundup story!

Read the Thrift Store roundup!

1 Thumbs
1,399

Why “Catch-22” Needs To Be Required Reading

, , , , | Right | May 24, 2008

Customer: “I bought a computer from you guys not three weeks ago, and my Internet isn’t working.”

Me: “Well, the computer itself seems to be operating perfectly.”

Customer: “It is not working perfectly. I cannot get on the Internet. ”

Me: “I understand that; I just mean while the Internet itself isn’t working, your computer is functioning properly.”

Customer: “My computer is worthless without Internet.”

(Company policy is to direct her to her ISP for further assistance. So I try to get that info from her so I can give her a proper phone number.)

Customer: “Why don’t you just fix it?”

Me: “I’ve run out of things we can try.”

Customer: “What is the ISP going to do?”

Me: “They’ll walk you through a few things, or at least tell you if there is an outage or other problem in your area.”

Customer: “I bought this computer from you, and you should be the ones fixing it.”

Me: “It’s not the computer; it’s the Internet. Unfortunately, we’re not your Internet provider. There’s really nothing more I can do for you.”

Customer: “How much do you charge for Internet?”

Me: “We do not sell Internet.”

Customer: “Then who do I buy my Internet from?”

Me: “I don’t know. [Large Company], perhaps?”

Customer: “I suppose I should order some Internet.”

Me: “You haven’t even signed up for it yet?!”

Customer: “I wanted to do it on the Internet.”

Me: *head explodes*

1 Thumbs
6,386

Along The Way, You’ll Meet Some Hopped-Up Munchkins

, , , , | Right | May 23, 2008

(I live in a town where 65% of the people are 65 years old and older. When we were redoing the design of the store, they placed a large white walkway from the front door to the pharmacy.)

Customer: “Hi, I would like to pick up my prescription.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but this is the front of the store. Your prescription is in the back of the store, in the pharmacy.”

Customer: “How do I get there?”

Me: “Follow the white brick road.”

1 Thumbs
1,287

Nothin’ Like A Good Old Existential Meltdown

, , , , | Right | May 22, 2008

(I’m confronted by a customer with an extremely high-pitched voice and impenetrable Highland accent. This is one of those tiny old Scottish women with a headscarf nailed on and muscles like steel wires. They are a common sight in the East of Scotland, and are almost immortal. Only the slow action of the wind off the north sea will gradually erode them.)

Me: “That will be £[amount], please.”

Old Lady: “Areyenamerican?”

Me: “I beg your pardon?”

Old Lady: “Ah sid, are ye Namerican?”

Me: “I’m sorry, I missed that.”

Old Lady: “Are… ye… an… American?”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry. I misheard you. No, I’m English.”

Old Lady: “Oh… why?”

(I have spent much of the last three years trying to come up with a satisfactory answer. As yet I have made no progress.)


This story is part of our Scotland themed roundup!

Read the next Scotland themed roundup story!

Read the Scotland themed roundup!

1 Thumbs
5,531