A customer is browsing as I am folding clothes. My manager is within earshot.

Customer: “Is this the cheapest this goes?”

Me: “Yes, madam.”

Customer: “You can’t do it for me any cheaper?”

Me: “No, madam.”

Customer: “Is it on sale?”

Me: “No, madam.”

Customer: “No discounts?”

Me: “No, madam.”

Customer: “What about your staff discount?”

Me: “That’s only for staff, madam.”

Customer: “I don’t understand why you can’t do anything for me. I want a discount!”

Manager: *Stepping in* “Well, since you asked six times and were told no, you’ve unlocked the special ‘seventh-asking’ discount that means you get to pay nothing and we get to watch you walk out with nothing.”

They walked out with — you guessed it — nothing.

Our restaurant is kinda fancy-ish, and we have an extensive wine selection, sorted by grape and depth of flavor. A couple is having a steak and a fish dish between them. One asks for a deep red to go with his meat, but I recommend a lighter wine for the diner ordering the fish.

I come back a little while later, and the diner with the fish is holding up both glasses of wine.

Customer: “I ordered a lighter wine, but they weigh about the same!”

I pause a moment to see if they’re joking, but depressingly, I am left waiting.

Me: “Uh… when we refer to a wine being light-bodied or not, we’re referring to it having a more delicate flavor, and a—”

Customer: “I didn’t order this wine for its flavor!”

She ended up with a Long Island iced tea and didn’t complain.

My partner is mildly allergic to cats, and both of us travel too frequently to have a dog. I get it, but I miss having pets, so when one of my friends says in the shared group chat that she’s found a stray kitten who needs a permanent home, and my partner says he’s willing to meet the kitten, I’m delighted. I don’t go with him to the first meeting because I don’t want to push him into a pet he doesn’t want, but I shouldn’t have worried; he’s swept away by kitten cuteness, and even better, the kitten turns out to be at least partially a low-allergy breed, so my partner doesn’t get more than a slightly stuffy nose.

I’m so delighted to be getting a cat that I’m more than happy to let my partner pick out a name. He could name the little furball Beef-And-Cheese-Combo, and I’d still just be excited to be getting a pet! Being my partner, however, he spends a solid week picking out a deeply symbolic name in archaic Sanskrit, meaning “Zen” and “the root of all wisdom”. It’s a bit big a name for a very small kitten, but who cares? We’re getting a cat!

We’re a few months into blissfully being owned by a (now very pampered) cat when we go over to my cousin’s for dinner one night. My cousin mentioned that he and his wife had recently gotten a cat, too, and we very quickly meet her: a beautiful long-haired princess who comes to greet us at the door.

Partner: *Happily petting her* “Awww, what a sweet girl! She’s getting along okay with your dog, then?”

Cousin: “Yep, they’re friends. I think he scared her a little at first, but one hiss, and he backed off, and they’ve been getting along great since then.”

Partner: “What’s her name?”

Cousin’s Wife: “Garby.”

Me: “Like Greta Garbo, with that thick fur coat?”

Cousin: “Nope, short for Garbage. We found her living in the dumpster, so we named her Garbage.”

Noticing my incredulous expression, his wife explains further.

Cousin’s Wife: “We tried coming up with something a little classier, but we couldn’t find anything we both agreed on. And by then, she was already responding to ‘Garbage Kitten’, so we just went with Garby.”

Partner: “…”

I had to chuckle, while my partner laughingly explained how much thought he’d put into naming our fluffy little hellion. Both strays found their forever homes — but with two very different approaches to pet naming! Neither cat seems to mind, as long as we keep the treats coming.

I am a passenger passing through airport security, and my attention is drawn to a loud conversation happening in a line parallel to mine. I can see a couple of airport security staff loudly trying to explain something to an older Asian woman.

Airport Security #1: “Ma’am! You cannot bring this on to the plane with you! It needs to be checked in with your hold luggage!”

Airport Security #2: “You cannot bring an electronic item with heating elements onto the plane!”

The older Asian lady starts shouting at them in Cantonese. Eventually, another Asian woman, somewhat younger, comes over and starts shouting at the older Asian woman in Cantonese. Then, she turns to the security staff.

Younger Woman: “Sorry, sirs. My mother didn’t realize she couldn’t bring a rice cooker onto the plane.”

I suddenly realize, with shock, that there is a small one-person rice cooker sitting there in her open luggage. The older Asian lady is still shouting something in Cantonese. The younger woman “translates”.

Younger Woman: “My mother is sincerely apologetic and did not realize that it would be a problem to bring this item on the plane.”

There’s continued shouting from the older lady.

Younger Woman: “Even if it is just a little one and designed for small portions.”

And there’s more shouting from the older lady.

Younger Woman: “We are happy to have this item discarded so that we can make the plane on time, and she won’t be doing this again now that she knows the rules.”

I needed to leave, so I didn’t see what happened next at security. However, I did spot the older lady again, this time shouting at some staff in an electronics store inside the terminal. Her long-suffering daughter was trying to explain, I assume, that this store sold things like international plug adapters, not individual rice cookers.

I’m volunteering as a referee for First Lego League, a competition for mostly middle-school-aged kids building Lego robots to complete various challenges on a table for points.

I try to make things fun for the kids as much as possible; I want the whole experience to be positive enough for the kids to come back next year even if they don’t have a perfect robot after all. We have to wait for all tables to set up before a match can begin, which gives me some time to talk with the kids.

Me: “I have a very important task for you all. They’re going to announce every team’s name before the match. When they say yours, I want you all to cheer louder than any of the other teams. Can you do that?”

Boy: “Yeah!”

The entire team is clearly the loudest and most energetic when their team name is called, with the first boy I talked to being the most energetic of his team.

Me: “You were definitely the loudest. Just for that, I’ll double your starting points.”

Boy: “Really?! He’s going to double it!”

Me: “Do you know what your starting points are?”

Boy: “No, but it’s double!”

Me: “You start with a zero…”

The boy doesn’t seem to hear me. He instead goes to try to tell one of the adults waiting back a little further back where we make coaches and parents wait that we are doubling their score.

Teammate: “I don’t think he’s listening anymore. At least he’s happy.”

We had to start the match about then, so I never did get to clarify things to the first kid. Hopefully, he wasn’t too disappointed when someone finally let him in on the joke.

Related:
Please, Parents, Resist The Urge To Over-Help!
Faith In The Future Of Humanity: Restored!