Getting A Word In Edgewise

, , , | Right | August 28, 2008

Customer: “I want to see that brooch.”

Me: “Here it is–”

Customer: “How much is it?”

Me: “Well, it’s–”

Customer: “You don’t need to know where I get my money from!”

Me: “Oh, okay. Well, it costs–”

Customer: “I’m on a disability pension.”

Me: “It costs thirty–”

Customer: “And it’s none of your business why!”

Me: “Thirty-five dol–”

Customer: “I had an accident and broke my leg.”

Me: “…”

Customer: “Do you want to know why I’m buying this?”

Me: “Umm… no, it’s okay.”

Customer: “BECAUSE GREEN IS MY FAVORITE COLOR!”

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Thank God For Better Halves

, , , , , , | Right | August 27, 2008

(An older customer calls in for tech support with his satellite receiver.)

Me: “Okay, your signal strength is pretty good.”

Customer: “Right.”

Me: “Let’s just verify all your channels are coming in.”

Customer: “Okay.”

Me: “Can you please put it on channel 400?”

Customer: “No problem, hold on.” *dials 4-0-0 into the telephone*

Customer’s Wife: “Give me that!”

(She gets control of the phone.)

Customer’s Wife: *laughing* “So sorry, he’s such an idiot!”

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The Cutter Gets Queued

, , , | Right | August 25, 2008

(I work at a cookie store in a train station and am serving a customer; there are a few people waiting behind him. Suddenly, a man comes and pushes in front.)

Customer: “Five white chocolates!”

Me: “I’m sorry, I have to finish serving these people first. Only then I will serve you.”

Customer: “But I have to catch a train!”

Me: “So does everybody else… This is a bloody TRAIN STATION!”

Customer: *looks a bit scared, nods his head, and goes to the back of the queue like a good boy*

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Basic Subtraction, Part 2

, , , , | Right | August 22, 2008

Me: “Hello, how may I help you?”

Customer: “Hi, can I have a small pork fried rice, please? Without pork.”

Me: “A small pork fried rice, without pork?”

Customer: “Yes… can you add some chicken to that?”

Me: “Um, so you want a small chicken fried rice?”

Customer: “No. I want a small pork fried rice, no pork, with chicken.”

Me: “Sure… anything else?”

Customer: “Yes, I also need a small chicken and broccoli.”

Me: “Sure, is that all?”

Customer: “Yes…” *pauses* “Oh… and no broccoli in the chicken and broccoli!”

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And The Problem Solves Itself

, , , , , | Right | August 22, 2008

Me: “Thank you for calling. May I please verify your address and phone number?”

(The caller rattles off an address, including the apartment number.)

Caller: “… that’s why I’m calling. What’s this about a ‘dog’ in my address?”

(I notice her address has the words “DASIN DOG”.)

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. I have no explanation for that. I can certainly remove it. Also, we don’t seem to have your apartment number. Would you mind repeating that for me?”

Caller: “D! D as in Dog!”

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