Maybe If George Lucas Got His Hands On Them

, , , | Right | January 12, 2010

(A bookstore customer hands me a copy of the re-release of 101 Dalmatians.)

Customer: “What does re-mastered mean?”

Me: “They just made the colors brighter and the sound better.”

Customer: “Oh, so it’s the same as before?”

Me: “Yeah, just brighter colors and better sound.”

Customer: “They didn’t change the story or anything?”

Me: “No, it’s just brighter colors and better sound.”

Customer: “Did they make the dogs cuter?”

1 Thumbs
2,336

Trouble Brewing

, , , | Right | January 7, 2010

(A customer puts beer on the table to buy.)

Me: “Can I see your ID, please, sir?”

Customer: “Oh, I don’t have it.”

Me: “Sorry, I can’t sell this to you. You have to have a valid ID.”

Customer: “Can’t you tell I’m 21?”

Me: “Yes, sir, but policy requires me to ID you if you look under 40.”

Customer: “Well, I have this… Will it work? You guys have taken it before when I bought beer.”

(Customer hands me a pink government paper with his name and information on it.)

Me: “What is this?”

Customer: “My DUI report.”

1 Thumbs
4,318

They Don’t Call Her Dumblesnore For Nothing

, , , , | Right | January 7, 2010

(Someone has been sleeping on a chair poolside for many hours. It’s routine to wake a customer if they’re getting too badly burned.)

Me: “Excuse me, miss? You must wake up. You are getting badly sunburned.”

Customer: *sleepily* “Where am I? Is this Hogwarts?”

Me: “No, ma’am.”

Customer: “Narnia?”

Me: “Nope.”

Customer: “Camp Half-Blood?”

Me: “Not even close.”

Customer: *pauses* “Well, s***, then.”

1 Thumbs
4,149

Thou Shalt Not Wear Boot Cut

, , , , | Right | January 6, 2010

Customer: “Excuse me, miss. These jeans just don’t seem to fit right.”

Me: “Well, these are men’s jeans. We have plenty of women’s jeans over here, in the women’s department. Is there a size I can help you find?”

Customer: “You mean I just tried on men’s jeans?” *horrified look*

Me: “Yes, ma’am. These are men’s jeans. This is the men’s department.”

Customer: “OH, MY GOD! The Bible forbids women to wear men’s clothes! I’m going to Hell!”

Me: “I’m sure you’ll be fine. You didn’t know. God won’t be angry.”

Customer: “That’s what you think. You obviously don’t know God, then.” *storms off*


This story is part of our Biblically Bonkers roundup!

Read the next Biblically Bonkers roundup story!

Read the Biblically Bonkers roundup!

1 Thumbs
3,876

Aches On A Brain

, , , | Right | January 6, 2010

Customer: “I’m looking for a DVD. My father told me I had to rent it.”

Me: “Okay, do you know what the movie was called?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “Did he say what actor or actress was featured in the film?”

Customer: “Samuel something.”

Me: “Samuel L. Jackson?”

Customer: “Yeah. Him.”

Me: “Did he happen to mention what the movie was about?”

Customer: “Um… Snakes… on a Plane.”

(I walk the customer over to the movie “Snakes on a Plane” and hand it to her.)

Customer: “I don’t think this is it.”

Me: “Ma’am, this is the only movie I have with Samuel L. Jackson in it about snakes on a plane.”

Customer: “Hmm…  and this is about snakes on a plane?”

Me: “Yes.”

(The customer puts the movie back on the shelf.)

Customer: “I just don’t think this is it.”


This story is part of our Snakes roundup!

Want to read the next story? Click here!

Want to read the roundup? Click here!

1 Thumbs
5,085