Tricky Customers Are Just Killer

, , , , | Right | January 19, 2010

(I am taking tourists on a boat to see wild killer whales.)

Me: “If anyone has any questions during the charter, I would be happy to answer them.”

Customer: “So, when does the show start?”

Me: “Pardon?”

Customer: “The show. You know, like Shamu and stuff?”

Me: “You do know that these are wild animals, right?”

Customer: “I don’t understand.”

Me: “These are wild animals. They don’t do tricks like you would see in an aquarium.”

Customer: “They don’t?”

Me: “No. They do not.”

Customer: “Oh, I see.” *pause* “So, when do you feed them?”

Me: “We don’t feed these animals. They are wild. They feed themselves.”

Customer: “I thought you said they didn’t do tricks?”

This story is part of our Clueless Tourists roundup!

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All Signs Point To Other Signs

, , | Right | January 19, 2010

Customer: “Hey! Where are your biscuits on special?”

Me: “On the display right next to you. You’re standing right next to it.”

Customer: “Oh. Well, you should have a sign there to point them out!”

(I point to the large sign above the biscuits. It’s black and red and quite large.)

Customer: “Well, you should have a sign that points to the sign!”


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Who You Gonna Call: Sawdusters

, , | Right | January 19, 2010

Me: “Thank you for calling [Furniture Store]. How may I help you?”

Customer: “Hi. You make custom furniture, right?”

Me: “Yes, we do.”

Customer: “Okay, can you make a table and maybe some chairs out of this tree in my front yard?”

Me: “Sorry, ma’am, but we don’t actually do any of the tree cutting. We get all of our wood from a lumber yard.”

Customer: “But the city says I need to cut down this tree right away or I’ll be fined!”

Me: “Sorry, ma’am, but I can’t do anything about that.”

Customer: “Well, screw you, then! My grandfather planted this tree here! He’s going to haunt you till you die! HAUNT YOU TILL YOU DIE!”

This story is part of our Outrageous Requests roundup!

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On Shaky Ground With This One

, , , , | Right | January 18, 2010

(This happened shortly after a large, widely reported earthquake in Hawaii.)

Me: “How can I be of assistance today?”

Customer: “Yes, I’m interested in traveling to the Big Island in Hawaii.”

Me: “Okay, and do you know which dates you want to travel on?”

Customer: “Oh. Um, well… when does earthquake season end?”

This story is part of our Customers Versus Mother Nature roundup!

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Famous Ignoramus

, , , , | Right | January 15, 2010

Me: “Hello, sir, how may I help you?”

Customer: “Do you have those books in that series?”

Me: “Which series is that?”

Customer: “You know, the one by that famous author.”

Me: “There are lots of famous authors, sir. Do you know what one of the books was called?”

Customer: “I want the third book in the series by that famous author!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but without more information, I don’t know which book you’re after.”

Customer: “This is ridiculous! How could you not know the ones I’m talking about? They’re FAMOUS!”

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