How Dorothy Does Her Shopping

, , , , | Right | April 9, 2008

(This happened during a tornado that crashed down just up the street from the store I worked in. The power went out, and one of the AC units had almost been ripped off the building. After a brief panic in which all customers and staff were shut in the tornado-shelter/assistant manager’s office, we employees locked down the building and started counting down registers, waiting until the storm had calmed down to let anyone go. It was raining, and the parking lot was actually flooding at this point.)

Me: “Wouldn’t it be funny if someone came tearing in here, possessed with the desire to buy something? Because obviously, in the dark, during a tornado, this is the best time to beat crowds.”

Team Lead: *laughs* “That’s mean.”

(Not ten minutes later, standing by the glass front doors to watch the storm, we see a woman run across the four-lane highway outside, dodging between stopped cars. She tears across the parking lot, carrying her high heels in her hand, and stops to put them on before trying the doors to our building. She tugs, but they’re locked, so of course, she knocks. After a moment of amazement, our Ladies department manager answers the door.)

Department Manager: “Ma’am, we’re closed.”

Woman: *panting* “Really?”

Me: “Tornado took our power out.”

Woman: “Are you really closed?”

(By now, both the captive customers and the employees are exchanging glances. I look at our team lead, who stares wide-eyed at the woman.)

Department Manager: “There’s really no way we could ring you up for anything. We have no power.”

Woman: “Oh, that’s too bad. I thought now would be a good time to get some shopping done! I’ll just go back to my car, then.”

Department Manager: “Ma’am, there is torrential rain pouring down out there, and the wind is moving the cars.”

Woman: “Well I can’t buy anything, so why should I stay?” *leaves*

(Though our policy states that we should try to detain people, we cannot legally do that, so our manager lets her go. I turn to our team lead and say…)

Me: “…didn’t I just tell that joke?”

1 Thumbs
3,697

Hopefully, She’s Not Also Topless

, , , , , | Right | April 7, 2008

(Working in tech support, I talk to some pretty dumb people every day. This was a particular highlight of the week.)

Me: “Go ahead and check the icons in the bottom right-hand corner of your screen for me.”

Customer: “I have no bottom right.”

Me: “Ma’am, everything has a bottom right.”

1 Thumbs
1,598

Why (Good) Regulars Really Rock

, , , , | Right | April 5, 2008

(A man walks into the store with a broken appliance in a bag.)

Customer: “Hi, I’ve had this for about a month now and it broke, so I want a refund.”

Me: “Sir, we’re a liquidation store. All sales are final, but I can replace this item for you.”

(A coworker of mine grabs another one off the shelf and switches it for the customer.)

Customer: “How do I know this one won’t break down in a month like the last one?”

Me: “That’s the thing, we don’t know. If I had some kind of time acceleration chamber, we could put it in there, dial it up to one month from now and see how it’s doing.”

Customer: “Pfft! So what am I supposed to do, take it home and use it for a month and come back if it doesn’t work?”

Me: “Either that, or stay here for the next month.”

Customer: “What about my gas money I spend coming back and forth?”

Me: “Driving your car is a luxury, you could take the bus!”

(At this point a line was forming behind the customer…and the customers in line were regulars who are always joking around with me.)

Old Man: “I rode a horse here today!”

Old Woman: “I rode a mule!”

Customer: *takes his new product and storms out*

1 Thumbs
3,841

The Adventures Of Captain Obvious

, , , , , | Right | April 4, 2008

Me: “Would you like the 4-piece meal or the 6-piece meal?”
Customer: “What’s the difference?”

——–

Me: “Would you like the quarter pound classic burger or the half pound classic burger?”
Customer: “Which one is bigger?”

——–

Customer: “How big is the 6 inch?”

——–

Customer: “How many come in a four-pack?”

——–

Customer: “Is your Sunday special on Sundays only?”

——–

Customer: “Does your turkey chic pea chili soup have beef in it?”

——–

Customer: “What flavor is your vanilla ice cream?”

——–

Customer: “What’s the difference between the lemon and the vanilla?”

——–

Customer: “Hi, do you sell books here?”
Me: “This is a bookstore, ma’am.”

——–

Me: “Thank you for calling Pittsford Plaza Cinema, how may I help you?”
Customer: “Yes, hello. Are you located in the Pittsford Plaza?”

——–

Me: “Thank you for calling Saltgrass Steakhouse in Meyerland Plaza where our gift cards make great holiday stocking stuffers. How may I assist you?”
Customer: “Hi, is this Saltgrass?”
Me: “Yes.”
Customer: “In Meyerland right?”
Me: “Yes…”
Customer: “Do you have giftcards?”‘
*click*

1 Thumbs
2,446

Montgomery Scott’s Early Days At The Copy Shop

, , , , | Right | April 3, 2008

Customer: “My son is locked out of the house and I need to send him the key!”

Me: “We can overnight the key and have it to him by 10:30 am tomorrow morning. Shall we send the key to the neighbor’s house?”

Customer: “No, he needs it right now! Why can’t I just fax it?”

Me: “Ma’am, you can’t fax a key.”

Customer: “Why not? He’s locked out and needs the key!”

Me: “Because a key is a three-dimensional object, not a document.”

(Customer stares at me.)

Me: “Ma’am, is your fax machine in your house?”

Customer: “Yes!”

Me: “How will your son get into the house to get the key from the fax machine if he is locked out?”

Customer: “D*** it! You’re right! Well, thanks for your time!”

Me: “I do what I can.”

1 Thumbs
6,696