The Devil Is In The Pre-Sales

, , , , , , , | Right | January 25, 2010

(I’m working at the hotel on Christmas Day.)

Customer: *to husband* “See that girl there? She must be one of those devil worshipers! Why else would she be here on the day of Christ’s birth?”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “Who do you worship? Why are you working on Christmas? You worship the devil!”

Me: “Actually, I’m working because I don’t have any children. A lot of the other employees do so they’re home with their families.”

Customer: “Who do you worship?”

Me: “I’m a Christian.”

Customer: “DO NOT LIE! GOD WILL STRIKE YOU! GOD KNOWS ALL!”

Husband: *laughing* “Yes, just like Santa. He sees you when you’re sleeping and knows when you’re awake.”

Customer: “Santa has NOTHING to do with Christ. You’ll offend them both!”

 

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Welcome To B.C. Bookstores

, , , , , , , , | Right | January 25, 2010

(I’m ringing up a young couple for a video game. The girlfriend asks about the game and the boyfriend describes it to her.)

Boyfriend: “[In the game] you’re one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.”

Girlfriend: “Which one?”

Boyfriend: “War.”

Girlfriend: “Who are the others?”

Boyfriend: “Famine, Pestilence, and Plague.”

Girlfriend: “Who makes this s*** up?!”


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The Customer Is Always Right (And Regular)

, , , , , | Right | January 22, 2010

Coworker: “Hello, how may I help you?”

Caller: “I just called and made an order for delivery, but please tell the driver to wait. I have to go have bowel movements.”

Coworker: “Um, sure thing, ma’am.”

(About ten minutes go by…)

Me: “Hello, how may I help you?”

Same Caller: “You can tell the driver he can bring my food to me now. I’m done with my bowel movements.”


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A Calculated Whisk

, , , , , | Right | January 22, 2010

(A customer arrives to pick up the meal he ordered over the phone.)

Me: “So, you would like to add two chocolate shakes to your phone-in order?”

Customer: “Yes, please.”

(I crack out the calculator to add the two orders and sales tax.)

Customer: “Typical! Teenagers can’t solve any problems without a calculator.”

Me: “Okay, then, what’s your total?”

Customer: “I don’t know. Let me see the calculator.”


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Belaboring The Points

, , | Right | January 21, 2010

Me: “Thank you for calling [Tech Support]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Hi, yes. I just got back from surgery and I can’t remember my email password.”

Me: “Sure, I’ll be glad to help. Let me pull up your account and we can reset your password.”

(We proceed with a very routine process of setting a new email password. About halfway through, she bursts out laughing.)

Customer: “I’m sorry. My coworkers just handed me a card congratulating me on the new twins. I guess you can tell what kind of surgery I had, huh?”

Me: “I gu–”

Customer: “I’ve got BOOBS!”


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