Yes To Dismember, No To His Member

, , , , , | Right | January 29, 2010

(A customer comes to the counter with his son with a Grand Theft Auto game.)

Me: “Sir, you are aware this is an 18-rated game?”

Customer: “Yes, I am aware of that.”

Me: “It contains sex.”

Customer: “Okay.”

Me: “Violence.”

Customer: “Okay.”

Me: “Bad Language.”

Customer: “Okay.”

Me: “Drug Usage.”

Customer: “Okay.”

Me: “Full frontal male nudity.”

Customer: “He’s bloody well not having this!”

(The customer handed the game over to me and walked out.)


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And That’s How The Minnesota Vikings Came To Be

, , , , | Right | January 29, 2010

Customer: “Hmm. Are you tribal?”

Me: “Um, no. I am white.”

Customer: “No, you are seriously tribal.”

Me: “Well, I’m part Cherokee…”

Customer: “No, that’s not it.”

Me: “I’m part Norwegian?”

Customer: “THAT’S IT!”

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If You Can’t Bear Them, Join Them

, , , , , , , | Right | January 28, 2010

Me: “Hi! How can I help you today?”

Customer: “Yeah, I like that little teddy bear with the sweater. How much is it?”

Me: “Well, ma’am, the teddy bear comes with this gift set of fragrance and body wash. It’s $30.”

Customer: “No. Just the bear.”

Me: “Well, ma’am, I have no way to just ring up the bear as it comes with the gift set only.”

Customer: “Then how do I get the bear?”

Me: “Well, you would have to buy this gift set. It’s very popular and only $30.”

Customer: “No, thank you. I’ll just take the bear today. How much?”

Me: “Ma’am, we do have a good deal for the holidays. I can sell you the bear, for only $30, and not only that, but I will throw in this fragrance gift set, just for you.”

Customer: “Thank you so very much, dear!”


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Some Confucian About Who Is In Charge

, , , , , | Right | January 26, 2010

Customer: “Is the President here today?”

Me: “No, the president works in the White House, not the Capitol.”

Customer: “Oh… so, is he here?”

Me: “No, not today. He’s meeting with the President of China, today.”

Customer: “China doesn’t have a president.”

Me: “They don’t?”

Customer: “No, they’ve got that Mao guy.”

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A Very Electric Blender

, , , , , , | Right | January 25, 2010

Customer: “I’d like to sell this.” *hands me a blender*

Me: “Okay, let’s take a look. Does it work?”

Customer: “Yep, it works great.”

(I proceed to test the blender. I plug it in and a huge spark jumps from the plug and the fuse blows. I unplug the blender and pick it up to try it in another plug. I notice a puddle under the blender.)

Me: “Where is this water coming from?”

Customer: “Oh… well, I put it through the dishwasher. Maybe it wasn’t completely dry yet.”

Me: “Putting the blender jar into the dishwasher shouldn’t make that much of a mess.”

Customer: “Yeah, but I put the whole thing in the dishwasher. I wanted the base to be clean, too.”


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