Customer #1: “I hope this is better than last time! My last ham was salty and had too much fat!”

Me: “I’m sorry about that. We do have a guarantee on flavor, so if you—”

Customer #1: “Never mind, it was a while ago. I want a 10-pound shank.”

Me: “Okay, let me get one.”

(I pull a ham about that size from the refrigerator, put it on the counter in front of her, and unwrap the foil.)

Customer #1: “No! No! That has way too much fat! See right there!”

(I look down at where she is pointing and note it is a normal deposit found in all hams. I decide it’s not worth arguing.)

Me: “Okay, let me get another.”

(I do so, but she’s still not satisfied.)

Customer #1: “No, that’s not any good either! It has too much fat!”

(This repeats several times, as I show her a total of nine other ham shanks, all of which, predictably, have the same small fat deposit. I’m literally running out of hams to show her. [Customer #2], standing behind her in line, has been quiet but has been getting increasingly agitated.)

Customer #1: “What is with this place?! All these hams have fat!”

(Customer #2 finally snaps.)

Customer #2: “Of course it has fat, you moron! It’s a pig’s a** cheek!”

Customer #1: *stunned* “It is?”

Customer #2: “Yes! He’ll tell you!” *points at me*

Me: “Well, yes. Ham comes from the, uh, hind end of a pig.”

Customer #1: “Oh, my God, that’s disgusting! I’m never buying this again!”

(She storms out, and [Customer #2] steps up to the counter.)

Customer #2: “Finally. One 12-pound pig a** cheek, please.”

This story is included in our Awesome Customer story roundup!

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(Our games are priced with the stickers in the top right-hand corner. If there is a special offer sticker, this goes directly below the normal price sticker. A customer approaches me holding an old PS2 game which has the aforementioned stickers.)

Customer: “How can you sell this filth?”

Me: “What game is that you’re upset about, sir?”

Customer: “POO PARADE! Sick filth!”

(I take the game from him and remove the two price stickers.)

Me: “There you go sir, now you can see the whole title. This game is called Pool Paradise. It’s simply a snooker and pool simulation game.”

Customer: *leaves quickly*

(I’m ringing through a customer’s order. I put a romaine lettuce through. The customer points out a price error.)

Customer: “The lettuce is $1.97, not $2.97.”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry. Just to double-check; it’s a romaine lettuce you have, right?”

Customer: “No, it’s USA lettuce.”

Me: “What?”

Customer: “It’s USA lettuce.”

Me: “Well, it’s from the USA, but it’s called romaine lettuce.”

Customer: “No, it’s USA lettuce, not Romanian.”

This story is part of our Crazy Checkout Encounters roundup!

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Read the Crazy Checkout Encounters roundup!

(A customer comes up to me while I’m stocking the shelves. She looks distraught.)

Me: “Ma’am, can I assist you in anything?”

Customer: “Yeah. My friend said he needs some more cheeseheads at his Super Bowl party. I can’t seem to find them. I found Cheese-Its, Cheese-Nips, but no heads. Where are they?”

Me: “Cheeseheads, right?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “Ma’am, that’s a nickname for Green Bay Packers fans.”

Customer: “Oh. Well, where can I find those?”

This story is part of our Super Bowl roundup!

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(A couple of customers walk up to the counter. They are purchasing a home cinema system.)

Me: “Do you need any HDMI cables with this?”

Customer #1: “Any what?”

Customer #2: “No.”

Me: “Okay, that’ll be–”

Customer #2: *to [Customer #1]* “Wait. Hujdimmi?”

Customer #1: “Oh! Hujdimmi!”

Me: “HDMI, yes.”

Customer #1: “Yes. We need hujdimmi.”