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Garraporta, Bumblebore And Lord Boweldesnort

, , , , | Right | July 21, 2008

(I’m walking around stocking videos when a man comes up to me with an extremely strange accent.)

Customer: “I’m looking for the Garraporta.”

Me: “I’m not sure what movie that is. What’s it about?”

Customer: “It’s the Garraporta. There are many movies!”

Me: “Uh, did you ask at the front desk?”

Customer:Garraporta! Garraporta! There are many movies!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. I’ve never heard of that movie.”

(I try every way to tell him I don’t know that movie, but he follows me all around the store saying “Garraporta!” Suddenly, he stops and picks up a movie.)

Customer: “Here, Garraporta!”

Me: “Oh, Harry Potter!

Customer: “Yes, Garraporta! There are many movies!”

Because PvP In Produce Is Teh Suxxorz

, , , , | Right | June 8, 2008

(I worked in the meat department of a large, popular store a few years ago. Alongside this, I was both in college, and played World of Warcraft, so I was pretty zonked whenever I worked.)

Customer: “HEY!”

Me: “Hello, sir, how can I help you?”

Customer: *scowls* “Where’s LARD?!”

(The name for my character in WoW was Lard. The night before, I ended up having to kick a guildy due to him basically being a moron. After he was kicked, he messaged to me that he was ‘going to get me one day’)

Customer: “…Lard?”

Me: “Um… um!”

Customer: *glares, then looks down* “Oh, here it is.”

(He bent down and picked up a jar of lard from the counter in front of me and walked away, and I breathed a huge sigh of relief. I later found out that the same person deleted his character, rerolled the opposite faction, and leveled him to 70 in order to “Kill Lard and camp his corpse.” I consider that the moment that I won at WoW.)


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One Gets You High Speed, The Other Just Gets You High

, , , , | Right | June 6, 2008

Coworker: “Tech support, how can I help you?”

Customer: “I need LSD for my son. You have that, right?”

Coworker: “Uh?”

Customer: “You know, that high-speed Internet thing…”

Coworker: *trying not to laugh* “You mean DSL?”


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Is That An Ethernet Cable In Your Pocket…

, , , | Right | May 10, 2008

(Talking to a female customer…)

Me: “Do you see the ‘Local Area Connection’ icon?”

Customer: “Yes, I see your ‘Local Erection’.”

Sophocles, World’s First Toilet Humorist

, , , | Right | April 26, 2008

(It was summer reading time for the high schoolers near our store. This girl comes in, smacking her gum and looking rather bored.)

Girl: “I need this book, it’s called… something like Ode to Pus or something.”

Me: “Ode… to Pus?”

Girl: “Yeah it’s by some guy named So-fo-Kulls?”

Me: “You mean… you need to read Oedipus by Sophocles?”

Girl: “Yeah, yeah. Ode to Pus by that guy.”

(I’ve never laughed so hard in my entire life.)