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Not-So-Friendly Skies

, , , , | Right | January 21, 2009

Customer: “Excuse me, when does the non-smoking sign go off?”

Me: “It doesn’t. You’re not allowed to smoke on this flight.”

Customer: “But it’s lit up! The seatbelt light turns off, and I think I need a smoke.”

Me: “You’re not allowed to smoke on an airplane.”

Customer: “I can’t just go outside and smoke, can I? *points to an emergency exit*

Me: “Er… good luck with that.”


This story is part of our Terrible Airline Passengers roundup!

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A Bozo By Any Other Name

, , , , | Right | November 19, 2008

Me: “Hello, how may I help you?”

(The client looks at name on desk; my name’s Hattie.)

Client: “Your name is so stupid.”

Me: “Sorry, sir. I can’t help that. It’s not so bad. ”

Client: “Your parents must really hate you.”

Me: “No, I’m sure they don’t. How can I help?”

Client: “I want to check my registration. Name’s Horace Gumptin.”

Me: *stifles giggle*

Client: “Are you laughing at me? Your name rhymes with fattie!”

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Introducing The DK Spring Collection

, , , , | Right | September 10, 2008

Customer: “I’d like two tickets for the Green Knight, please.”

Me: “You mean the Dark Knight, ma’am?”

Customer: “No, I mean the Green Knight! The Batman movie!”

Me: “Ma’am, the only Batman movie currently showing is the Dark Knight.”

Customer: “I’ve never heard of that! I don’t want to see it! Give me two for the Green Knight!”

Me: “Ma’am, there is no such movie.”

Customer: “Fine. We’ll go see this Dark Knight thing, then. But I just want you to know I am not pleased!”

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More Like The Gas Beneath My Pants

, , , | Right | September 2, 2008

Me: “Hello, [Music Store]. How may I help you?”

Customer: “I was wondering if you had the sheet music for Hero.”

Me: “Mariah Carey?”

Customer: “No! Bette Midler!”

Me: “Oh! Wind Beneath My Wings! Sure, we’ve got it!”

Customer: “Huh?”

Me: “The song is called Wind Beneath My Wings. It’s one of the most popular vocal arrangements on the market.”

Customer: “No, it’s that one about her hero.”

Me: “Yeah…” *sings* “Did you ever know that you’re my hero? You’re everything I wish I could be… I can fly higher than an eagle… and you are the WIND BENEATH MY WINGS.”

Customer: “Yes! That’s the one!” *sings* “‘Did you ever know that you’re my HERO!’ Can you hold a copy for me?”

Me: *giving up* “Of course…”

(Later on…)

Coworker 1: “So, who was on the phone?”

Coworker 2: “… and why are they the wind beneath your wings?”

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The Devil Is In The De-Tails

, , , , , | Right | August 29, 2008

Me: “Hello, how can I help you?”

Customer: “I’d like to make an appointment for a dismemberment.”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “I want to bring in my dog for a dismemberment!”

Me: “Oh! You must mean a distemper shot.”

Customer: “Yes! Now, when can I get my dog dismembered?”


This story is part of our Take Your Dog To The Vet roundup!

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