(I have just gotten a new officemate who is also new to the company. He knows people on our team well enough but is still learning names from other teams that we have to collaborate with. He is attempting to send an email to someone on a particular project.)

Officemate: “What’s Albert’s last name?”

Me: “Hu.”

Officemate: “Albert. He works on the [Project]…”

Me: *sensing the spirits of Abbott and Costello disturbed and rising from their graves to haunt us* “His name is Albert Hu. H-U.”

(I’m trying to look up a customer’s file. For translation’s sake, let’s say the name is Johnson.)

Me: “You said your name was Johnson, right? How do I spell that?”

Caller: “Well, it’s the same as how you pronounce it.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but I can’t find your file.”

Caller: “How hard can it be? It’s just Johnson!”

Me: “You said Johnson, right? Not Johnsons?”

Caller: “Yes, Johnson. With a double N!”

Me: *pause* “Thank you, sir, I found your file.”

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(I am on break at work and scrolling through social media. I see a post that says your sailor name is the color of your shirt and the name of your first pet. Note that I am white and my coworker is black.)

Me: “Hey, [Coworker]! What was the name of your first pet?”

Coworker: “It was a dog named Lady.”

Me: “Your sailor name is—”

(I pause as I realize that she is wearing a white shirt.)

Coworker: “What?”

(I don’t know her very well as she just joined the team, and I don’t want to make a joke she may find offensive, so I just show her the post.)

Coworker: “My sailor name is White Lady! I love it!”

The healthcare organization where I work is setting up an educational conference for our members, who are mostly doctors and nurses. When people register for the conference online, they have the option of customizing their name badges with nicknames and Twitter handles. 

My coworker is preparing attendee name badges and notices something. An attendee, a doctor whose last name includes the word “cheese,” has customized his nickname to “The Cheeseman.” After much deliberation, we decide to print the name badge as-is.

At the conference, my coworker meets the attendee, hands him his registration packet, and shows him the name badge. 

Doctor: “Wow… I don’t remember doing that. I must have been s***faced!”

Coworker: “We can print you a new one, if you’d like.”

Doctor: *Solemnly, and a little sadly* “No… No, I deserve this.”

He took his badge and wore it for the entire conference.

(I’m at my boyfriend’s house for dinner. I am meeting his parents and his siblings for the first time. I also have an unusual name.)

Boyfriend’s Sister: “So, what’s with your name?”

Me: “It’s a name.”

Boyfriend’s Sister: “Yeah, a stupid name.”

Boyfriend: *laughs nervously*

Boyfriend’s Mother: “[Boyfriend’s Sister]! [My Name] is a guest!”

Boyfriend’s Sister: “With a stupid name.” *looks at me smugly*

Me: “Actually, I was named after my great-grandma, who was in a concentration camp in the forties. She survived, but she later died from lung problems brought on by the terrible air in the camp.”

All: *silent*

Boyfriend: “Guys, I told you not to make fun of her name. I told you there was a reason for it. Now you’ve made yourselves look like jerks. Come on, [My Name], I’ll take you to [Fast Food Place]. You like the chicken nuggets, right? 

(Later on in the week, I got an apology letter from my boyfriend’s sister and it was signed by his parents, as well. Apparently, the girl got into a heap of trouble for making fun of my name.)