May We Suggest Hoobastink and Led Hindenburg

, , , | Right | April 21, 2009

(I overhear this odd exchange while shopping at a local used music store. It takes place between the clerk and a woman with a heavy accent.)

Customer: “I am looking for a CD of band called Wet Noodle.”

Clerk:Wet Noodle? I don’t think we have anything like…”

Customer: “You have it! My grandson says he wants the CD of band Wet Noodle!”

(The clerk searches for the band on his computer, to no avail.)

Clerk: “I’m sorry, we don’t have any record of any products by a band called Wet Noodle.”

(I put one and one together and interject.)

Me: “Ma’am, do you mean Limp Bizkit?”

Customer: “Yes! Some band like Wet Noodle or Limp Bizkit or some food!”

(The clerk gets the CDs for the lady, finishes her transaction, and then turns to me.)

Clerk: *to me* “I’m giving you every discount I know of.”

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Right Next To The Yeast Pie

, , | Right | April 1, 2009

Customer: “Where are the bread donuts?”

Boss: “Um, sorry, sir? All our donuts are a yeast base.”

Customer: “No, no, bread donuts! YOU DON’T EVEN KNOW YOUR OWN BAKING! BREAD DONUTS!”

Boss: “I’m not sure what you mean. I’m sorry, sir.”

(The customer storms off grumbling to himself and makes it about 10 feet.)

Customer: “Oh! Here they are.”

Boss: “Sir, those are bagels.”

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I LAve L.A.

, , , , | Right | March 31, 2009

Customer: *holds up sweatshirt* “Oh, my god, they spelled this wrong!”

Me: “What?”

Customer: “Los Angeles!”

Me: “Um, that’s how you spell it.”

Customer: “Nooooo. It says LOS Angeles, but it’s supposed to be LAS Angeles. It’s pronounced LAS Angeles. Am I right?”

Customer’s Friends: “Yeah, totally!”

Customer: “And, actually, shouldn’t it be LAS AngeLAS? Because that’s how you say it, LAS AngeLAS!”

Me: “…”

Customer: “I can’t believe no one has ever noticed this before!”

Me: “Yeah, it’s shocking…”

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May We Suggest The Covert Cauliflowers

, | Right | February 25, 2009

(I’m restocking a salad bar at a restaurant when a customer walks up to me.)

Customer: “Excuse me? You’re running out of espionage in the salad bar.”

Me: “….excuse me? Espionage?”

Customer: “Yes, espionage.”

(He meant spinach, since I hadn’t gotten around to restocking that.)

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It Burns When I Download

, | Right | February 19, 2009

Caller: “I’m having trouble downloading pictures in your program. My camera doesn’t appear in the list.”

(I ask him some questions and determine that his camera is not compatible with our software.)

Me: “I’m sorry, it looks as though you’ll have to download your pictures using the software that came with your camera. What program do you normally use?”

Caller: “Chlamydia.”

Me: “I’m sorry, what was that?”

Caller: “I usually download my pictures in Chlamydia.”

Me: *stifling laugh* “Go into your start menu and read me the name of the program very carefully.”

Caller: “Okay, it says cam-ee-dee-uh.”

Me: “Oh, Camedia…”

(I keep it together and manage to wrap up the call.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Technical Support]. Is there anything else I can do for you?”

Caller: “Nope, I’ll just download my pictures in Chlamydia then. Thanks!” *click*

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