A Very Loose-Knit Family

, , , | Right | June 10, 2009

(I call a man from our waiting list and begin to take him to his table.)

Customer: “Wait, I’m going to eat with my wife and daughter. How are they going to find me?”

Me: “Oh, we have your name from the list, sir. We can send them on back when they arrive.”

Customer: “How are they going to know my name?”

Me: “Your wife and daughter don’t know your name?”

Customer: “No!”

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A Whole Lotta Latte

, , | Right | May 27, 2009

Customer: “Could I have a mug of chino?”

Me: “Sorry… a what?”

Customer: “Mug of chino. I don’t think a cup of chino is enough.”

Me: “…a cappuccino?”

Customer: “No, a mug of it.”

Me: “…”

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The Child May Get A Himself Complex

, , | Right | May 15, 2009

(Iam working at the registers as a lady walks in with a child in a stroller. One of the other employees walks up to her.)

Employee: “Aw, what a cute baby. What’s his name?”

Customer: “God.”

Employee: “You named the kid after God?”

Customer: “No, I named him God.”

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A Flock Of Explorers On A Safari Singing Opera

, , | Right | May 12, 2009

Me: “All right, so, what browser are you using to view your websites?”

Customer: “Mozzarella Firefox!”

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Your One-Stop Shop For Addictive Substances

, , | Right | May 7, 2009

(An older lady comes into the store looking for the Playstation game “Croc.”)

Customer: “Hey! Y’all got Crack?”

Me: “Excuse me, ma’am?”

Customer:Crack!”

Me: “Do you mean… Everquest?”

Customer: “NO, D*** IT, I WANT CRACK! You know, little alligator be runnin’ ’round ‘n s***.”

Me: “…do you mean Croc?”

Customer:Crack, Croc, whatever!”

Me: “Yes, ma’am, right here…” *rings up sale*

(After the lady leaves, my boss comes up to me.)

Manager: “Did that lady just try to buy crack rocks from you?!”

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