Fowl-Mouthed Accusations

, , , , | Right | August 10, 2009

(I’m telling a group of visitors about the peacocks at our zoo. After I’ve finished, one of the visitors stops me.)

Visitor: “Young man, can I have a word with you?

Me: “Certainly, ma’am. How can I help you?

Visitor: “I don’t appreciate you using that kind of language in front of my children.”

Me: “I’m sorry ma’am, I wasn’t aware I had.”

Visitor: “We prefer to call those birds over there pearoosters.”

Me: “Um, why?”

Visitor: “Because peacock is a bad word! I really don’t think you should be using that sort of language and those dirty words in front of small children!”

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I’ll Go Where He’s Going

, , | Right | July 10, 2009

(This is back when people booked holidays with travel agents. I run a hotline for the sole purpose of ordering holiday brochures.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Travel Agency]. Which brochure would you like to order?”

Customer: “I’d like to order ten virgins, please.”

Me: “Pardon me?”

Customer: “Ten virgins, please–”

(There’s a moment of silence; the customer and I both realize at the same time that he meant to say ‘ten Virgin Holiday Brochures.’ To keep the conversation from going awkward, I chime in.)

Me: “How fresh would you like your virgins, sir?”

Customer: “This year’s editions will be fine, thanks!”

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A Very Loose-Knit Family

, , , | Right | June 10, 2009

(I call a man from our waiting list and begin to take him to his table.)

Customer: “Wait, I’m going to eat with my wife and daughter. How are they going to find me?”

Me: “Oh, we have your name from the list, sir. We can send them on back when they arrive.”

Customer: “How are they going to know my name?”

Me: “Your wife and daughter don’t know your name?”

Customer: “No!”

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A Whole Lotta Latte

, , | Right | May 27, 2009

Customer: “Could I have a mug of chino?”

Me: “Sorry… a what?”

Customer: “Mug of chino. I don’t think a cup of chino is enough.”

Me: “…a cappuccino?”

Customer: “No, a mug of it.”

Me: “…”

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The Child May Get A Himself Complex

, , | Right | May 15, 2009

(Iam working at the registers as a lady walks in with a child in a stroller. One of the other employees walks up to her.)

Employee: “Aw, what a cute baby. What’s his name?”

Customer: “God.”

Employee: “You named the kid after God?”

Customer: “No, I named him God.”

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