The Devil Is In The De-Tails

, , , , | | Right | August 29, 2008

Me: “Hello, how can I help you?”

Customer: “I’d like to make an appointment for a dismemberment.”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “I want to bring in my dog for a dismemberment!”

Me: “Oh! You must mean a distemper shot.”

Customer: “Yes! Now, when can I get my dog dismembered?”

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Terms Of Endearment

, , | | Right | August 19, 2008

(I work for an Internet tech support center. Due to security and billing, once an account has been registered, it can’t be changed.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Tech Support]. What can I do to assist you today?”

Customer: “I need to change the email address I registered on the account.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but I do not have the ability to do that for you. You can, however, set up a sub-account to use instead.”

Customer: “You don’t understand. I really need to change the email address.”

Me: “Well, sir, I can give you to another department who might be able to help, but in order to change that, it will essentially disconnect and reconnect your service. This may result in a charge due to your contract. I can show you how to set up a sub-account though.”

Customer: *sighs* “I really have to change my account. My wife is going to kill me.”

Me: “Can I have the email address so I may access your account?”

(There’s a long pause before the customer speaks again.)

Customer: “Ourpaininthea**@***.com. I was really frustrated when I was registering.”

(At this point, I nearly have to mute my phone to keep the customer from hearing my laughter.)

Customer: “My wife uses this to talk to all of her bridge club friends. She will kill me if she has to give this out.”

Me: “Well, sir, you can set up a sub-account just for your wife and she can have whatever email address she wants. You get ten of them for free, so you would never even have to use the main account if you don’t want to.”

Customer: “Really? Can you show me? You may have just saved my marriage.”

Me: *still trying not to laugh* “No problem, sir…”

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Bison Wings Has An Interesting Ring To It

, , , | | Right | August 1, 2008

Client: “I need a flight.”

Me: “Sure, ma’am. Where to?”

Client: “Bison.”

Me: “Um… okay, ma’am. And that is?”

Client: “In the US.”

Me: “Sure… and what state?”

Client: “I am not sure, but I need one leaving Friday.”

Me: “Sorry, ma’am, but I can’t find any flights to Bison.”

Client: “It’s a BIG place. ”

Me: “Do you mean Buffalo, New York?”

Client: “We don’t call them BUFFALO anymore.”

Me: “Ma’am, they didn’t change the name of the city.”

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Garraporta, Bumblebore And Lord Boweldesnort

, , , | | Right | July 21, 2008

(I’m walking around stocking videos when a man comes up to with an extremely strange accent.)

Customer: “I’m looking for the Garraporta.”

Me: “I’m not sure what movie that is. What’s it about?”

Customer: “It’s the Garraporta. There are many movies!”

Me: “Uh, did you ask at the front desk?”

Customer:Garraporta! Garraporta! There are many movies!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. I’ve never heard of that movie.”

(I try every way to tell him I don’t know that movie, but he follows me all around the store saying “Garraporta!” Suddenly, he stops and picks up a movie.)

Customer: “Here, Garraporta!”

Me: “Oh, Harry Potter!

Customer: “Yes, Garraporta! There are many movies!”

 

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One Gets You High Speed, The Other Just Gets You High

, , , | | Right | June 6, 2008

Coworker: “Tech support, how can I help you?”

Customer: “I need LSD for my son. You have that, right?”

Coworker: “Uh?”

Customer: “You know, that high-speed Internet thing…”

Coworker: *trying not to laugh* “You mean DSL?”

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