Animal Planet After Hours

, , , , | Right | February 24, 2010

Manager: “Hi, ma’am, how can I help you?”

Customer: “Yes, I just need a book for my grandson. It’s called Bestiality.”

Manager: “I’m sorry, what did you say it was called?”

Customer:Bestiality. He’s in second grade. It’s this series of books.”

Manager: “Ah, could you mean Beast Quest perhaps?”

Customer: “Yes, Beast Quest. What did I say?”

Manager: “Um… bestiality.”

(The customer’s eyes bug out as she turns every shade of red.)

Manager:Beast Quest is this way if you’ll follow me…”

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Clearly Not The Better (Or Smarter) Half

, , , , | Right | February 22, 2010

Customer: “I’d like to rent Mr. Hoople Oople.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, I’m not familiar with that one. Is it a comedy or drama? Our movies are alphabetical, so I’m sure I can help you locate it.”

Customer: “It’s a music video.”

(I take him over to the music and concert section. Nothing of that sort is found.)

Me: “Hmm, is that the name of the band or the venue?”

Customer: “No, it’s a movie. Mr. Hoople Ooople.”

Me: “No, I’m not showing anything by that name. We have a book over here that we can look up movies by actor or actress.”

Customer: “Richard Dreyfuss was in it.”

(I find nothing.)

Me: “Sir, maybe we don’t carry this film.”

Customer: “You do, my wife called and you said you had it!”

(I check with the other counter clerks. One of them looks confused but a light goes off in his head, and he goes and grabs a box off of the shelf.)

Customer: “See? I told you! Mr. Hoople Ooople!”

(The customer holds up a box which says “Mr. Holland’s Opus.” He checks out.)

Coworker: “I’d have had no idea what he was talking about either, but his wife called an hour ago and asked about it… with the right name, of course.”

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Sorry, This Store Is Full Of Yahoos

, , , , | Right | February 8, 2010

Customer: “I called in here yesterday and put an item on hold. Do you have it?”

Me: “Let me check, who put it on hold for you?”

Customer: “Google.”

Me: “Google?”

Customer: “Yes, Google… or Nadia.”

Me: “We don’t have a Nadia here, do you mean Natalie?”

Customer: “No, his name was Nadia!”

Me: “His name was Nadia?”

Customer: “Yes… or Google.”

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Fuel For (Lack Of) Thought

, , , , | Right | January 19, 2010

Me: “How can I help you?”

Customer: “My son told me to get broadband I’d have to pay more money, but I told him that there was this thing from the phone company you put on your telephone chord that gave you broadband.”

Me: “You mean a noise canceler, sir? That is only for DSL lines through the phone company, not through us.”

Customer: “Diesel… yeah, that’s what I want! So, can you hook me up with diesel broadband?”

Me: “Sir, I’m sorry we don’t offer D-S-L Lines. You have to call your phone company and have them installed.”

Customer: “Do you have unleaded lines?”

Me: “Sir, it’s DSL. Not diesel as in the fuel.”

Customer: “You’re not a very good company then. You’re saying I can’t get diesel from you, but then telling me I can’t get unleaded either.”

Me: “Sir, if you just call your phone company I am sure they can help you.”

Customer: “Oh, okay then.”

(The customer starts mashing numbers on the keypad without hanging up. I stay on the line.)

Me: “Sir?”

Customer: “I just talked to [my company] and they said you have diesel lines.”

Me: “Sir you never hung up the phone. This is still [my name] from [my company name].”

Customer: “Holy s***! You work for both places?”

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They Don’t Know Jack

, , , , | Right | January 1, 2010

Customer: “This negative customer feedback [for my company about my services] uses someone’s name, so it should be removed.”

Me: *reading the comment* “Ma’am, the customer said, ‘Paying extra for shipping didn’t do jack.’ ‘Jack’ refers to a phrase, not a name.”

Customer: “Well, I’ve never heard that before. You say it’s a phrase, but to me it’s a name, and that’s personal information, and it should be removed.”

Me: “Well, is there someone in your organization named ‘Jack?'”

Customer: “No, there isn’t. I don’t know where she got that name from, but she’s up to something and you’re letting her get away with it!”

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