(My parents always made a big deal about swearing when I was little. I was also a stickler for the rules, and hated breaking them, even by accident. I am about four when this happens:)

Me: “Mom, I know what the F-word is!”

Mom: “We do not say that word in this house! That is a very rude word, and I don’t ever want to hear you say it.”

(Later that night, as Mom is tucking me into bed:)

Me: “I am sorry, Mom; I didn’t know ‘fart’ was a swear word.”

Mom: *after a moment’s pause* “Yes. Yes it is. Good night, dear.”

(This is back when my late husband is three or four years old. His family goes to another state to a well-known amusement park as a treat. While his parents’ backs are turned, he runs away. Being only four years old, my late husband is as fearless as our three-year-old daughter is now. When his mother finds out he was missing, they have security and many employees look for him, while she is beside herself, scared that her son is missing, or worse, kidnapped. They finally find him by one of the attractions, and while she is so mad at him, she can’t help but cry and hug him, prompting questions from him, and a silly answer.)

Husband: “Mama, why are you crying?”

Mother: “I was so scared!”

Husband: “But why were you scared? I’m okay!”

Mother: “We didn’t know where you were!”

Husband: “But, Mama! I knew where I was the whole time!”

(From what I understand, his entire family laughed so hard he didn’t get into trouble for that, but they have never gone back to that park since. When this was told to me, my reaction went from shock to laughing so hard I fell off the chair onto the floor, and my husband laughed right along with me. Knowing the memories of him like that makes me smile from time to time. Then, I have to remember I have his mini-me.)

(A grandma and her little grandson have just picked out a cupcake decorated to look like a sundae for him, and I ask if today is special. It turns out the little boy fell at school and has a minor injury on his head. Feeling bad, I go for the free cookies the store gives out to children.)

Me: “I know something that might make that feel better. Would you like a cookie?”

Boy: “No.”

Grandma & Me: “No?”

Boy: “Maybe tomorrow.”

Grandma: “Maybe tomorrow?”

(We both laughed, and I waved goodbye as the little boy clutched his packaged cupcake. I hope the little cutie feels better!)

(My husband calls his mother over the hands-free system while we’re driving, which mystifies our two-year-old daughter.)

Daughter: “Hear Nanna! Hear Nanna!”

Me: “Yes, we can hear Nanna on the phone over the speakers!”

(The next day, we have to call Nanna again, but there’s an issue with the connection, so my husband has to repeat the voice command. Our daughter reacts in the same way. After the call is over:)

Daughter: “Hear Nanna! Hear Nanna!”

Me: *figuring out what she wants* “Oh, no, it only works for Daddy’s voice.”

Daughter: “Hear Nanna! Hear Nanna!” *pauses* “CAALL MAAAM!”

(We could not contain the shock or laughter. We know she’s a total parrot, but she never ceases to amaze us with how much she absorbs.)

(I am a crossing guard. A little girl comes to my corner. Several boys are coming up the street behind her.)

Me: *to little girl* “How was your day?”

Little Girl: *silence*

Me: “Okay, you can cross. Have a nice day.”

Little Boy: “Did she tell on me?”

Me: “No, she didn’t say a word. What did you do that needs telling on?”

Little Boy: “Nothin’.”