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I’ll Tell You When You’re Molder

, , , , | Related | March 16, 2015

(I’m five years old, telling a joke I learned at school.)

Me: “So the papa mole came out of the hole and said, ‘Look at all the flowers!'”

Dad: “Okay.”

Me: “And then the mama mole came out of the hole and said, ‘Look at all the grass!'”

Dad: “All right…”

Me: “And then the baby mole came out and said, ‘What flowers? What grass? All I see is mole a**es.'” *pause* “I don’t get it. Why does he see molasses?”

This story is part of our Mole Day roundup! This is the last story in the roundup, but we have plenty of others you might enjoy!

23 Funny Stories About Getting Confused With The Metric System


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Read the Mole Day roundup!

A Prehistoric Christmas Tradition

, , , | Related | December 9, 2014

(My mom got her boyfriend The Beatles “Rock Band” for Christmas one year, which my little sister quickly became obsessed with playing. She doesn’t know anything about the Beatles or how to select which songs she wants to play, so she’s always asking my mom’s boyfriend for help.)

Sister: “Can you help me pick a song?”

Mom’s Boyfriend: “Sure. Which song did you want to play?”

Sister: “Lucky in the Sky With Dinosaurs!”

(We couldn’t stop laughing. We never call the song by its real name anymore.)

This story is part of our Beatles roundup!

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The Horror Of Housecleaning

, , , , | Related | July 10, 2014

(I am about four years old. My family has taken me to a haunted house, and I am fascinated by the decorations.)

Me: “Hey, look at these cobwebs! These are just like the ones we have at home!”

This story is part of our Haunted Houses roundup!

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Read the Haunted Houses roundup!

A Bitter Bad Behavior

, , , , , , | Related | January 22, 2014

(I work in a candy store. Our credit card machine has been out of service for a couple of days. We have a sign at the register, but I’ve been trying to let everyone know as they come into the store so that I don’t have to sort and restock large purchases when they turn out to not have enough money. I’ve just told a woman and her kids that the machine is broken and we’re taking cash/checks only.)

Woman: “Oh! Well, I do have some cash on me, so we should be okay.”

(She turns to her children.)

Woman: “I don’t have a lot of money, so we can all only get a little bit of candy, okay?”

Middle Daughter: *outraged* “Do you know how expensive I am in stores like this?!”

This story is part of our Kids-In-Candy-Stores roundup!

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Read the Kids-In-Candy-Stores roundup!

As A Rule Of Crumb

, , , , | Related | January 17, 2014

(I am babysitting. My little nephew wants what he calls a “yellow biscuit”: a type of cracker made from corn, so it is a light yellow colour.)

Nephew: “Auntie, can I have a yellow biscuit, please?”

Me: *being a bit silly* “Yes, I’ll get one for you. Does Mummy have yellow biscuits in the cupboard or do we need to get the crayons and colour one in?”

Nephew: “We’ve got lots. They’re in that tin.” *very solemnly* “You aren’t allowed to draw on biscuits. It’s a rule!”

This story is part of our Crayon Roundup!

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Read the Crayon Roundup!