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They Grow Old So Fast

, , , | Friendly | November 24, 2017

(I am in the toy section of a local department store, looking for a birthday present for my niece. As I’m browsing the shelves, a mother and her son come to look at the toys, as well. The little boy is about four or five, and he catches sight of an action figure on the shelf.)

Little Boy: *sigh* “I used to play with that. When I was little.”

(His mother and I exchanged amused looks before he moved onto another aisle.)

Your Logical Argument Is Jetting Away

, , , , , | Related | November 23, 2017

(I am driving with my three-year-old daughter in the backseat. It is about noon, and the sky is almost completely cloudless. My daughter notices contrails from a jet in the sky.)

Daughter: “Mommy, is that a falling star?”

Me: “No, honey. That is from a jet.”

(We go back and forth a couple times; she keeps insisting that it’s a falling star.)

Daughter: “Mommy, can you see the jet?”

Me: “No, honey; it’s very far away.”

Daughter: “Well, if you can’t see the jet, you can’t prove that it’s not a falling star.”

(Now, what do you say to that?)

It’s Time To Listen

, , , , | Right | November 23, 2017

(I work at a children’s play center. Since it’s a Friday night, we’re supposed to close at 8:00, but if there are no customers by 6:30, we usually close an hour early. It’s 7:15, and my coworker and I are counting down the drawer, when someone comes in with their kid — about five or six years old — to play.)

Me: “Hi there! Just so you guys know, we do close at eight tonight, so you have about 45 minutes to play.”

Dad: “Oh, that’s more than enough time! We’ll be out of here by quarter ’til.”

(At 7:50, I go over to them to remind them we close at eight.)

Me: “Just letting you guys know: we close ten minutes from now.”

Dad: *visibly disappointed* “Oh… Does that mean we really have to leave in ten minutes? We just got here, you know.”

Child: *to his dad* “See, Dad? I told you they’d still make us leave.” *to me* “I tried to tell him, miss. They never listen.”

Dry Wit Runs In The Family

, , , , , , | Related | November 22, 2017

(My thirteen-year-old daughter has just told me she’s feeling under the weather.)

Me: *feeling her forehead* “Ah, wow, why are you so hot?”

Daughter: *deadpan* “Genetics.”

Grandma Was Never A Goody-Two-Shoes

, , , , , | Related | November 22, 2017

(My grandma and my grandpa have taken my little brother and me out shoe shopping. My grandma only has one leg.)

Employee: “Hi there! Can I help you?”

Grandma: “Yes, I was wondering if I could get these half off?”

Employee: “Unless you have a coupon, no.”

(My grandma then pulls her pants up revealing her prosthetic leg.)

Grandma: “It’s just that I will only use one.”

Employee: “I am sorry; you still must buy both shoes.”

(They go back and forth for a few minutes before my six-year-old brother bursts in:)

Brother: “Just buy the shoe, Grandma, or Grandpa might shove it where the sun don’t shine!”