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Daddy Doesn’t Have The Cuddle Bug

, , , , | Related | October 5, 2015

(My husband and I are trying to re-teach our toddler to sleep in her own bed, as we’ve moved recently. One morning, she comes into our room. Seeing as it’s almost time to get up, we decide to let her cuddle with us. She happily cuddles with me until I tell her I need to nurse her baby sister.)

Daughter: “But I wanna cuddle you!”

Me: *trying to reassure her* “Just cuddle with Daddy for a few minutes. He loves you.”

Daughter: *in tears* “I don’t love him!”

This story is part of our Cuddle roundup!

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No Stopping Him Now

, , , , , | Friendly | June 11, 2015

(A young boy is misbehaving on the subway train. To try to calm him, his mother is reading him the list of stops.)

Mother: “So we have Haymarket, then we have State, then Downtown Crossing, then Chinatown—”

(At the mention of this last stop, the boy’s eyes go wide.)

Boy: *excitedly* “You mean this train goes all the way to CHINA?”

This story is part of our Subway roundup!

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Trident And Try Again

, , , , , | Related | April 15, 2015

(I am travelling in the car with my parents and little brother who is three. We are discussing what to get as a gift for my grandmother’s birthday.)

Little Brother: “Get her a devil stick!”

Rest Of The Family: “A devil stick?! What’s that?!”

(After questioning him, we establish that he means a trident. I have no idea why he thought a trident would be a good gift for an elderly lady.)

This story is part of our Creepy Kids roundup!

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Mothers Can Be Soul-Destroying

, , , , | Right | March 30, 2015

(I work in a Halloween pop-up shop that sells costumes and accessories. A mother and her son, about five years old, come in.)

Boy: “Excuse me, I want a Batman costume.”

Woman: “Not too expensive, please.”

Me: “Okay! Let me show you where they are.”

(I lead them to the costumes and turn around to talk to them, and the boy is completely naked.)

Boy: “I’m going to try that one!”

Woman: “[Boy]! We need to put on your clothes!”

Boy: “But you said being naked is good for your soul.”

Me: *trying unsuccessfully to stifle laughter*

(The woman is frantically apologizing and trying to put on her son’s clothes.)

Son: “No! My soul!”

This story is part of our Halloween roundup!

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I’ll Tell You When You’re Molder

, , , , | Related | March 16, 2015

(I’m five years old, telling a joke I learned at school.)

Me: “So the papa mole came out of the hole and said, ‘Look at all the flowers!'”

Dad: “Okay.”

Me: “And then the mama mole came out of the hole and said, ‘Look at all the grass!'”

Dad: “All right…”

Me: “And then the baby mole came out and said, ‘What flowers? What grass? All I see is mole a**es.'” *pause* “I don’t get it. Why does he see molasses?”

This story is part of our Mole Day roundup! This is the last story in the roundup, but we have plenty of others you might enjoy!

23 Funny Stories About Getting Confused With The Metric System


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