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Urine The Woods

, , , | Related | November 29, 2016

(My aunt and my four-year-old cousin are walking in the woods one day when it starts to rain lightly.)

Aunt: “Oh! Look, [Cousin]! We’re going to get some rain now!”

Cousin: “Or the squirrels are all peeing.”


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Curious About George

, , , , | Learning | September 25, 2016

(I give my students a worksheet about George Washington. The last question asks what they would ask George Washington if they met him today. These are some of the responses.)

Response #1: “For an autograph.”

Response #2: “How do you run the country?”

Response #3: “Ask questions about his wife.”

Response #4: “Can you sign my shirt?”

Response #5: “I want you to be president again.”

Response #6: “How old are you?”

Response #7: “Wow.”

Response #8: “How are you doing.”

(And my personal favorite.)

Response #9: “Why did you dye your hair?”


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Keeping Easter Sweet, Part 2

, , , , | Related | July 27, 2016

(I organize a big Easter hunt for all my nieces and nephews each year at my parents acreage. I hide a ton of treats and toys for each kid, and they have to follow clues to find them all since they are hidden everywhere across 12 acres. Afterwards, the kids sometimes need to be reminded to thank me. I am sitting in the living room, right next to the kitchen where I hear this conversation:)

Sister: “Did you thank Auntie [My Name] for the Easter hunt and all your treats?”

Three-Year-Old Nephew: “No.”

Sister: “Go tell Auntie thank you for helping the Easter bunny hide everything, please.”

Three-Year-Old Nephew: *runs past me on the couch to the back door (in the living room), opens the door wide and yells* “HAPPY BIRTHDAY!” *closes it and runs off to play*

Sister: “You know, some days I wonder about that child…”

 

In Soviet Russia, Watermelon Likes You!

, , , , , | Related | June 23, 2016

(It’s Memorial Day weekend and the whole family is spending the weekend together, including my cousin and her four-year-old daughter. We are in the kitchen preparing snacks before we go outside to enjoy the beautiful day.)

Cousin: “Who wants watermelon?”

Kids: “Me!”

Cousin: “Who doesn’t like watermelon?”

Four-Year-Old Daughter: “Communists!”


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That Isn’t Chocolate…

, , , , | Related | May 4, 2016

(I am babysitting my nephew when this conversation happens:)

Me: “Are you excited for Easter?”

Nephew: “Yeah!”

Me: “What’s your favorite part about it?”

Nephew: “Getting candy from the Easter Bunny. Hey, where do Easter eggs come from?”

Me: “Um… the bunny harvests them.”

Nephew: “Good. I was afraid I was eating candy that came out of his a**!”