Can’t Bear To Be Apart

, , , , | Related | July 31, 2013

(My dad uses some connections to reserve us an island to camp on in the Gulf of Mexico. The island is tiny, and we are the only people camping there. The largest animal on the island is probably a rabbit. I am eight, and my brother is three. The week we are there, low tide is around 11:00 pm, and my parents leave to go and look for shells. I’ve never been very good at sleeping, so I decide to follow after them. Eventually, they run into me on the beach.)

Dad: “[My Name], is that you?”

Me: “Yes, Daddy!”

Dad: “Do you know what time it is?”

Me: “Dark.”

Dad: “Yes. Why aren’t you asleep in the tent?”

Me: “There’s a bear attacking the tent. It scared me.”

Dad: “Baby, there aren’t any bears on the island. Why do you think there’s a bear attacking the tent?”

Me: “I heard it. It growled and banged on the wall.”

Mom: “Where’s your baby brother?

Me: “He was asleep already. I left him for the bear to eat.”


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A Scarred Childhood

, , , , | Related | May 29, 2013

(My tiny two-year-old daughter excitedly runs up to me.)

Daughter: “Mummy, can I tell you a secret?”

Me: “Sure, you can.”

(I bend over so my daughter can whisper in my ear. Unexpectedly, she speaks in a low, demonic whisper.)

Daughter: “I. Killed. Mufasa.”


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A Super-Smart-Aleck

, , , , , | Related | May 7, 2013

(I am taking my five-year-old son to the optometrist for his yearly eye check-up.)

Doctor: *to my son* “So, are you have any trouble seeing things?”

Son: “Well, my regular vision’s fine, but I’m still working on my x-ray vision.”


This story is part of the World Sight Day roundup! This is the last story in the roundup, but we have plenty of others you might enjoy!

13 Reasons Why Healthcare Workers Should Rule The World

 

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Totally Dory-ble, Part 2

, , , , | Related | February 1, 2013

(My family are all at Disneyland Paris on holiday. We all love Disney movies, and my youngest brother is currently obsessed with “Finding Nemo.” He is about three years old.)

Sister: “Let’s go on ‘It’s A Small World’!”

(“It’s A Small World” is a boat ride with water. My youngest brother is entranced by the singing dolls, but then he notices the water. He looks at it for a moment. Then he looks at the stuffed Nemo plushie he’s holding.)

Brother: “Nemo, go home!”

(He tries to throw Nemo out of the boat.)

Everyone: “NO!”

(My mum grabs the toy and stops him.)

Brother: “But all drains lead to the sea!”


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