It’s naptime for my two-and-a-half-year-old daughter. She’s a pro at stalling; she needs to use the potty, we need to cuddle — I split time with her father so obviously I’ll never say no to cuddles when she asks — we need to read a few stories, etc. Finally, I get her tucked into her crib but she has this devilish grin on her face as I say, “Good night.” 

About ten minutes later, I crack open her door to check on her and see her laying in her crib — she doesn’t know how to climb in and out yet — with a book propped on her chest. She tried to pretend to be asleep but knew she was caught! As an avid reader, I can’t get mad; I just make her promise me she’ll get some sleep during naptime. 

I check 15 minutes later and she is genuinely sleeping. Now I know I need to check her crib for “contraband” before laying her down to bed!

(When I am a small child, I am terrified that there are monsters in my room at night.)

Me: “Mom! There’s a monster under my bed!”

Mom: “Will you knock it off? We go through this every night. There is no monster under your bed. THERE ARE NO SUCH THINGS AS MONSTERS!”

Me: “Mom?”

Mom: “Yes?”

Me: “There’s a gorilla under my bed.”

(She couldn’t tell me there were no such things as gorillas, now could she?)

([Nephew #1] is the recent big brother to two adorable twins. [Nephew #2] is his cousin. Both are four years old.)

Nephew #1: “[Baby #1] and [Baby #2] are so cute I could just eat them up.”

Nephew #2: “Yeah, I could eat them up! Except that we can’t because they are full of blood.”

Nephew #1: “No! It’s because they are full of bones and we would choke!”

(They fit in so well with our family.)

(This story is about when my mom is a teenager. The first time my mom goes to a fancy-ish restaurant, at one point she needs to go to the bathroom.)

Mom: “Mom, I need to pee.”

Memaw: “Don’t say that! You need to use etiquette here!”

Mom: “Okay.”

(A few minutes later, the waiter comes.)

Mom: “Excuse me? Where’s the etiquette?”

Waiter: “…?”

(I’ve been working as an intern for a kindergarten for a while, doing pretty simple tasks that don’t require a lot of responsibility, like playing with the kids and helping them with different tasks. We’re getting the kids ready for going outside, and I’m helping them get dressed. I don’t know quite yet what each kid can and can’t do. H***, I hardly know all of their names! I am helping one kid get dressed, putting on their winter clothes and such. My hair is an unusual colour, and a lot of kids have already commented on — and questioned — it.)

Me: *bend down to help a kid* “Okay, put your leg here!”

Kid: *reaches over to ruffle my hair*

(I help them get almost fully dressed, when one of the elder adults notices us.)

Adult: “Oh, [Kid] is tricking you now.” *smiling* “They’re an expert at dressing themselves.”

Me: *turns to look at the kid*

Kid: *most smug look I’ve seen on a four-year-old*

(Later, I put two and two together, and realized they probably just wanted to touch my hair! That was one sneaky kid.)

This story is part of our Kindergarten roundup! This is the last story in the roundup, but we have plenty of others you might enjoy!

10 Not-So-Sweet Stories About Kids In Candy Stores

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Read the Kindergarten roundup!