Children Of Cancer

, , , , , , | Right | January 16, 2018

(A customer and her daughter, who can be no older than four, walk up to the service counter.)

Customer: “Can I get a pack of [Cigarette Brand], please.”

Supervisor: “Sure.”

Girl: “No, Mommy, don’t.”

Customer: “But Daddy asked me to get them for him.”

Girl: “But they’re bad.” *to Supervisor* “Don’t get them.”

Supervisor: “I have to, or I’ll get in trouble.”

(My supervisor goes over to the drawer and grabs the cigarettes.)

Girl: “No! Don’t get them. They’re bad for Daddy. Don’t!”

Customer: “It’s okay, honey.”

Girl: *looking more and more upset by the second* “No, it’s not. Don’t scan them. Please.”

Supervisor: *trying to act as sweetly as possible* “I’m very sorry, but I have to. It’s my job. I’ll get in trouble if I don’t.”

(She scans the cigarettes.)

Supervisor: “That’ll be [price].”

Girl: “No! Don’t! Mummy, don’t buy them. They’re bad for Daddy. They’ll kill him.”

(The customer pays and the supervisor hands them the pack of cigarettes.)

Girl: “No!”

(As her mother tried to drag her away, the little girl folded her arms and scrunched up her face in that cute way four-year-olds do when they’re angry. I’m glad my supervisor took that one; I don’t think I would have been able to go through with the purchase with a little girl basically begging me to spare her father’s life.)

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Exisssstential Crisisssss

, , , , , , | Related | January 13, 2018

(My family and I are going for a bike ride in the forest when I see a dead snake on the path. We all stop to look at it and are expressing our sympathy [“Aw, poor thing,” etc.] when my youngest sister, probably about three years old, suddenly comes out with this gem:)

Sister: “So, snakes do exist!”

(We all cracked up and tried to figure out where that came from. She had seen snakes in the zoo before, so we still have no idea why she would say that.)

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The Latest Series Is Pokémon: Budgeting And Accounting

, , , , , | Right | January 11, 2018

(I’m in a store that sells Pokémon cards, and I overhear this conversation between two little boys:)

Boy #1: ” Uh-oh. These ones cost more than the others!”

Boy #2: “It’s okay; I budgeted for this.”

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And Jojo Was Her Name-o

, , , , , , | Learning | January 6, 2018

(Years ago, when my youngest aunt first attended school, she had until then been called “Jojo” by family and friends instead of her birth name. This wasn’t an issue until she started school.)

Teacher: “[Aunt]? [Aunt]? I guess she’s absent.”

(After roll call is done, my aunt raises her hand.)

Aunt: “You didn’t call me!”

Teacher: “I didn’t? What’s your name?”

Aunt: “Jojo!”

Teacher: “There’s no Jojo on the list; your name can’t be Jojo.”

Aunt: *getting upset now* “Yes, I am! I’m Jojo!”

Teacher: *light bulb goes off* “The only absent person is [Aunt], are you [Aunt]?”

Aunt: “NO! I am Jojo! My name’s Jojo!”

Teacher: “[Surname] is your last name, right?”

Aunt: “Yes!”

Teacher: “Then you’re [Aunt].”

Aunt: “NO! I said my name is Jojo!”

(She then proceeds to have a full-on tantrum, so the teacher drags her to the office and calls my grandmother to try to resolve the issue. My grandmother just laughs.)

Grandmother: “OH! Jojo is her nickname. I didn’t realize we were only calling her that. Yes, this is [Aunt].”

Aunt: *stomps her foot* “Mooooooom! You’re dumb! My. Name. Is. Jojo!”

(Forty years later, the family will not let my aunt live it down.)

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How To Out-Baby A Baby

, , , , , , , | Friendly | January 3, 2018

(I’m out shopping with my toddler when a woman suddenly stops in front of us with her cart. That’s when I notice that she’s gently tugging at her preschool aged daughter’s hand, trying to make her move out of the way of passers-by.)

Woman: “Come on, [Little Girl]. We’ve got to get home to make lunch for Daddy.”

Little Girl: *trying to pull her hand out of her mother’s grip* “No! I want to play that!”

(The little girl points at the claw machine near the front of the store and the woman sighs.)

Woman: “Not today, [Little Girl]. I don’t have any change to play it. We’ll have to play it next time.”

(At this point, the little girl sits down and crosses her arms and begins to pout.)

Little Girl: *sniffles and pretends to cry* “You’re so mean, Mommy!”

(At this point my toddler, who has been very intently watching the whole exchange, shakes his head.)

Toddler: *loudly as he points at the little girl* “Oh, no, no, no!”

(I can feel my face burning as I blush because my toddler is seemingly admonishing the little girl’s tantrum. The woman notices and points it out to her little girl.)

Woman: “Look at that! That little boy thinks you’re being bad!” *to me* “How old is he?”

Me: “He’s not quite two years old.”

Woman: “Did you hear that, [Little Girl]? You’re acting worse than that little baby right now. I thought you were my big girl.”

Little Girl: *quickly leaps to her feet* “I am a big girl! I’m sorry, Mommy!”

(The little girl then grabs her mother’s hand and skips out of the store alongside her.)

Me: *to my son* “I hope you stay this well-behaved for a long time yet.”

Toddler: *smiling* “Oh, nooo!”

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