Comeback To That Comeback

, , , , , , | Related | October 17, 2017

(I don’t catch the first part of this conversation, but the gist of it is: My brother-in-law makes a comment to my niece, she makes a comeback, and is told off for it with this parenting gem.)

Sister: “I don’t care if you’re insulting, just so long as you’re witty! Now, something that might have made a better comeback..” *whispers into [Niece]’s ear*

Niece: “Okay. Daddy, can you say it again?”

Brother-In-Law: “[Niece], I have a bag here; I’d like you to put your attitude into it.”

Niece: “Silly Daddy, my attitude wouldn’t be able to fit.”

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Kid Earns A High Five

, , , , | Friendly | October 16, 2017

(The young son of one of our regulars is the cutest thing. He goes up to my coworker with a pack of cards that we give away for free, as a promotion for a game his dad plays, and he says, in his tiny voice:)

Kid: “Is it okay I took this? It says ‘thirteen plus.’ I’m five.”

Coworker: “That’s okay; we won’t tell.”

(We both had a good laugh at his seriousness. Ah, the logic of a five-year-old.)

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About To Start A Storm In A Teacup

, , , , , | Related | October 10, 2017

When I was around seven, my mom brought me to a music festival. While we were walking into the building, my mom pointed at some mint in their garden, and told me you can make tea out of it.

A couple hours later, I wanted something to drink, and tried to get a tea from the concessions stand. They didn’t have any. So, I returned outside, and got an idea. In short order, I and several other unsupervised children began pulling up as many mint plants as we could. When we’d gathered a sizable amount, I brought my bounty inside and dropped it on the concession counter. By chance, my mom was right there when I did so, and scolded me. I turned to her, confused, and declared, “But now they can make tea!

For some reason, she was less than pleased by my ingenuity, and immediately bundled me into the car. The next year, the concession stand offered tea.

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A Sign That Grandpa Is Home

, , , , , , | Related | October 9, 2017

My paternal grandfather was an odd man in many ways, but the one pertaining to this story was the fact that, when he was through with something, that was the end of the discussion in his mind. It was not unusual for him to have one of my aunts drive him forty-five minutes to our house for a visit, as he had no driver’s license, visit with us for less than fifteen minutes, then announce, “Okay, I’m ready to go home!”

He was also infamous for interrupting prayers over meals. If he thought a prayer had gone on long enough, he would shout, “Amen!” and start eating or serving himself. As is the case with a lot of older people, his behavior continued without comment.

When I was five years old, Grandpa passed away. I don’t remember this incident, but according to family legend, I was quiet and well-behaved throughout the entire funeral… until we got to the cemetery. Then, in the middle of the dedicatory prayer over the grave, I spoke up at the top of my five-year-old lungs:

“WHEN ARE WE GOING HOME?!”

At any other funeral, I’m sure the family would have been mortified. But since this was Grandpa, everyone burst into much-needed laughter and remarked, “Yup, she’s Grandpa’s girl.”

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Don’t Like What They’re Cooking Up

, , , , , | Related | May 30, 2017

(I am attending my son’s fourth grade class for a Mother’s Day celebration. My son gives me a heads up about the process.)

Son: “So, each of us wrote something about our mothers. We’ll read it in front of everybody, we sing a song, and then you’ll have your cake and tea.”

Me: “Aww, that’s really sweet.”

Son: *whispers* “No, what’s actually sweet is the fact that, in my writing, I did not mention your cooking skills because I love you.”

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