Cause For Pregnant Pause, Part 23

, , , , , , | Right | August 21, 2020

I’m in a bookstore looking at some fantasy books when I see a woman in her early twenties walk up to a table full of “Harry Potter” books and merchandise. She strikes up a friendly conversation with a little boy around seven to nine years old.

Boy: “But, why’s he so mean?”

Woman: “When his mom got together with his dad and he was conceived, his dad was under the effects of a love potion. Magic made it so he could never actually feel love.”

Boy: “How come that makes him mean?”

Woman: “When people don’t feel love, and people can’t make them feel loved and important, they do all sorts of things to feel like they’re important — even if that means they’re only important because they’re scary.”

The boy nods for a moment in understanding and then voices a new question.

Boy: “What’s ‘conceive’ mean?”

The woman’s eyes grow wide, and for a moment she struggles to figure out the right wording before just giving up.

Woman: “That’s a question more for your mom, kiddo.”

She ran all the way to the escalator!

Cause For Pregnant Pause, Part 22
Cause For Pregnant Pause, Part 21
Cause For Pregnant Pause, Part 20
Cause For Pregnant Pause, Part 19
Cause For Pregnant Pause, Part 18

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Mommy Issues

, , , , , , , | Right | August 21, 2020

I’m babysitting a cute little four-year-old for the second time. She has a teenaged brother.

She has great manners and is always very polite and articulate for a four-year-old. Today, she wants to watch a film, so I tell her to go choose one. She comes back with a new DVD of “Bambi.” She tells me she’s never seen it before. I’m a bit hesitant, but I agree, as I think she is able to handle it. We get to the part where Bambi is stumbling through the snow looking for his mother. 

Girl: “Where is Bambi’s mummy?”

Me: “Sweetheart, she died. The bad men killed her.”

There is a full ten seconds of silence while she processes that. 

Girl: “F*** that! I’m not watching this s***!”

She threw the remote on the floor and stormed out of the room. Her parents were understandably shocked when I told them!

This story is part of our Best Of August 2020 roundup!

Read the next Best Of August 2020 story!

Read the Best Of August 2020 roundup!

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Nip This Misconception In The Bud

, , , , , , | Related | August 14, 2020

My almost-five-year-old has been much hungrier than usual lately and has also been wearing the same size clothing for a while. As she is eating yet more food — most of it is even healthy! — I notice her frame is filling out a bit, and I remember how in the past she’s grown “out” before “up.”

Me: “You’re looking bigger in the middle. I think you’re getting ready for a growth spurt. I bet that in a month or two, you’ll need bigger clothes.”

Child: *Excited* “I want to be taller!”

About half an hour and apparently a bit of misunderstanding later…

Child: *Pulling up her shirt* “Can you check my nipples to see if I’m ready for a growth spurt? If I’m ready, can you buy me one?”

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I’m Only Four But My Mind Is Older

, , , , | Related | August 14, 2020

My husband and I are playing a game with our four-year-old daughter where we have to babysit her dolls while she goes out to work. She comes back into the room after a second or two.

Me: “I thought you were at work?”

Daughter: *Dramatic sigh* “It was closed. Now nobody has to work there.”

A few seconds pass. Our daughter walks to the doorway.

Daughter: “Now I have to go back to work and shut that boss’s mouth!”

We make some noises that amount to, “WHAT?”

Daughter: “I already have the glue.”

She walked out of the room, leaving us trying not to laugh and wondering how in the h*** she came up with that one. Never a dull moment.

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Siblings Can Really Get On Your Nerves

, , , , , , , | Related | August 12, 2020

My nine-year-old cut her finger doing an art project — not terribly, but she needed help cleaning the cut and bandaging it. She asked me why it hurt so much and I explained that fingertips have a lot of nerve endings and she’d cut some nerves.

It seems she tried to explain this to my seven-year-old but didn’t quite get the point across, because when my husband came home, the seven-year-greeted him with, “[Nine-Year-Old] cut her finger and her nerves fell out!”

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