Just Dandy With The Candy

, , , | | Related | May 23, 2018

(A woman comes into the store with her very curious young daughter, maybe two or three years old. She’s asking what different things are.)

Daughter: “Wah dii?”

Mother: “[Candy #1].”

Daughter: “Wah dah?”

Mother: “[Candy #2]”

Daughter: “Wah dah?”

Mother: “[Candy #3]”

Daughter: “Oh! [Candy #3]! Well! I do not like [Candy #3]!” *pause* “Wah dii?”

(She must have been imitating someone, but to hear a toddler abruptly start enunciating clearly and then go back to baby talk was quite amusing.)

Potty Training Is Very Demanding

, , , , | | Related | May 17, 2018

(I’m at a family holiday gathering, playing cards in a circle with my sisters and some cousins. One of my cousins has a young toddler who is sitting with us and watching, until she suddenly looks to her mom across the room, and bellows with amazing articulation:)

Toddler: “Mommy, I’m pooping!” *points her finger* “And I want you to change it!”

(The group of us collapsed into hysterics, and my cousin admitted that if her daughter was old enough to demand her personally for diaper duty, it might be time for potty training.)

Living In A Special Bubble

, , , , | Related | May 16, 2018

(My boyfriend, our four-year-old daughter, and I are at home and have just finished eating dinner. It’s time for our daughter to start the evening routine.)

Me: “Okay, [Daughter], it’s time for your bath.”

Daughter: “But I don’t want to take a bath; I want to shower.”

Me: “I know, but tonight you’re going to have to take a bath.”

Daughter: “But I’m too big to take a bath!”

Me: “What do you mean? Too tall, or too old to take a bath?”

Daughter: “No, you’re not listening, Mom. I’m too…”

Boyfriend: *interrupting from the upstairs bathroom* “Hey, [Daughter]! Do you want bubbles in your bath?”

Daughter: “Yes!”

(She took a bath.)

When Double Trouble Is Not Enough

, , , | Related | May 11, 2018

(I’m waiting in line for the cashier when a woman walks up behind me with two boys. They’re junior-high-aged and alike as two peas in a pod.)

Woman: “[Boy #1], you keep our place in line while I take [Boy #2] over to look at the braces.”

(She walks off with the other lad.)

Me: “So, is it fun being a twin?”

Boy #1: *grinning* “We aren’t twins.”

Me: “…”

Boy #1: *grinning even more hugely* “We’re triplets!

This Joke Is The Camel’s Nose That Leads To Future Embarrassment

, , , , | Related | May 6, 2018

(I am about four. Usually Mum gets the groceries with my grandparents and me. For whatever reason, my dad decides to join us one day, possibly to distract me, as my brother is only a few months old. Dad has an odd sense of humour.)

Me: *pointing at a kiwi fruit* “Daddy! What’s that?”

Dad: “It’s a camel’s egg.”

Me: “Okay.”

(Nothing more is said. The next time I’m shopping with mum, I run to produce and point out the kiwi fruit.)

Me: “Mummy! Look! It’s a camel’s egg!”

(Everyone stopped and stared, and Mum was so embarrassed that she grabbed me and took off. Dad thought it was hilarious. It’s over 20 years on, and I STILL call them camel’s eggs, much to the displeasure of my partner. Mum can now see why Dad thought it was so funny, though.)

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