Cause For Pregnant Pause, Part 23

, , , , , , | Right | August 21, 2020

I’m in a bookstore looking at some fantasy books when I see a woman in her early twenties walk up to a table full of “Harry Potter” books and merchandise. She strikes up a friendly conversation with a little boy around seven to nine years old.

Boy: “But, why’s he so mean?”

Woman: “When his mom got together with his dad and he was conceived, his dad was under the effects of a love potion. Magic made it so he could never actually feel love.”

Boy: “How come that makes him mean?”

Woman: “When people don’t feel love, and people can’t make them feel loved and important, they do all sorts of things to feel like they’re important — even if that means they’re only important because they’re scary.”

The boy nods for a moment in understanding and then voices a new question.

Boy: “What’s ‘conceive’ mean?”

The woman’s eyes grow wide, and for a moment she struggles to figure out the right wording before just giving up.

Woman: “That’s a question more for your mom, kiddo.”

She ran all the way to the escalator!

Related:
Cause For Pregnant Pause, Part 22
Cause For Pregnant Pause, Part 21
Cause For Pregnant Pause, Part 20
Cause For Pregnant Pause, Part 19
Cause For Pregnant Pause, Part 18

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Mommy Issues

, , , , , , , | Right | August 21, 2020

I’m babysitting a cute little four-year-old for the second time. She has a teenaged brother.

She has great manners and is always very polite and articulate for a four-year-old. Today, she wants to watch a film, so I tell her to go choose one. She comes back with a new DVD of “Bambi.” She tells me she’s never seen it before. I’m a bit hesitant, but I agree, as I think she is able to handle it. We get to the part where Bambi is stumbling through the snow looking for his mother. 

Girl: “Where is Bambi’s mummy?”

Me: “Sweetheart, she died. The bad men killed her.”

There is a full ten seconds of silence while she processes that. 

Girl: “F*** that! I’m not watching this s***!”

She threw the remote on the floor and stormed out of the room. Her parents were understandably shocked when I told them!


This story is part of our Best Of August 2020 roundup!

Read the next Best Of August 2020 story!

Read the Best Of August 2020 roundup!

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Nip This Misconception In The Bud

, , , , , , | Related | August 14, 2020

My almost-five-year-old has been much hungrier than usual lately and has also been wearing the same size clothing for a while. As she is eating yet more food — most of it is even healthy! — I notice her frame is filling out a bit, and I remember how in the past she’s grown “out” before “up.”

Me: “You’re looking bigger in the middle. I think you’re getting ready for a growth spurt. I bet that in a month or two, you’ll need bigger clothes.”

Child: *Excited* “I want to be taller!”

About half an hour and apparently a bit of misunderstanding later…

Child: *Pulling up her shirt* “Can you check my nipples to see if I’m ready for a growth spurt? If I’m ready, can you buy me one?”

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I’m Only Four But My Mind Is Older

, , , , | Related | August 14, 2020

My husband and I are playing a game with our four-year-old daughter where we have to babysit her dolls while she goes out to work. She comes back into the room after a second or two.

Me: “I thought you were at work?”

Daughter: *Dramatic sigh* “It was closed. Now nobody has to work there.”

A few seconds pass. Our daughter walks to the doorway.

Daughter: “Now I have to go back to work and shut that boss’s mouth!”

We make some noises that amount to, “WHAT?”

Daughter: “I already have the glue.”

She walked out of the room, leaving us trying not to laugh and wondering how in the h*** she came up with that one. Never a dull moment.

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Siblings Can Really Get On Your Nerves

, , , , , , , | Related | August 12, 2020

My nine-year-old cut her finger doing an art project — not terribly, but she needed help cleaning the cut and bandaging it. She asked me why it hurt so much and I explained that fingertips have a lot of nerve endings and she’d cut some nerves.

It seems she tried to explain this to my seven-year-old but didn’t quite get the point across, because when my husband came home, the seven-year-greeted him with, “[Nine-Year-Old] cut her finger and her nerves fell out!”

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