To Be Fair, That Makes Some People Go “Moo,” Too

, , , , , | Learning | July 18, 2019

(I am an assistant junior preschool teacher. Our class consists of kids age eighteen months to three years. This happens while reviewing animals with a pair of twins in the class.)

Me: “[Twin Sister], what animal says, ‘moo’?”

Twin Sister: “Cow!”

Twin Brother: “Vodka!”

(The lead teacher and I go dead face, wondering where on earth a near two-year-old could hear the word “vodka” and say it with such clarity.)

Me: “Did he just say, ‘vodka’?”

Lead Teacher: “I think so. [Twin Brother], what animal says, ‘moo’?”

Twin Brother: “Vodka!” 

(He is clearly proud of himself because he thinks he said the right word. By the end of the day, my coworker leaves instructing me to tell the twin’s mother what her son said and ask if she knows why.)

Me: “So, [Twin Brother] said something today and we really don’t know where he heard it.”

Twin’s Mother: *shocked* “Oh, really? What was it?”

Me: “Well, we asked what animal says, ‘moo,’ and [Twin Sister] said, ‘cow,’ but [Twin Brother] said, ‘vodka.’”

Twin’s Mother: *sighing with relief* “Oh! He’s saying, ‘vaca.’ It’s Spanish for ‘cow.’ I’ve taught them a couple of words and numbers in Spanish.”

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The Future Economy

, , , , , | Friendly | July 16, 2019

(I often overhear a lot of funny things from kids while I’m at work, but this one takes the cake.)

Child #1: “I have more money than anyone else in the world!”

Child #2: “Yeah, he has twenty-three dollars!”

(I stifled my laughter and sadness as I realized that I had less money than that child. Kids are sometimes pretty great.)

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The Big Bye-Bye Blizzard

, , , | Related | July 8, 2019

(This is a story my sister told me about when her oldest daughter was still a toddler and her mother would always say, “We’re going bye-bye!” whenever she went shopping. Any other time — like going to work — she had an agreement with our mother for her to watch my niece since they lived with her. One winter, a major snowstorm passes through the area, making the roads dangerous. Her husband — a policeman — advises her to stay home from work, and she does. The following is the conversation she has with her daughter that day.)

Daughter: *upon seeing her mother, not Grandma, enter the room* “Mommy go work?”

Sister: “No, Mommy’s not going to work today.”

Daughter: *looks from her mother, to the window, and then back again with a huge grin* “Mommy go BYE-BYE?”

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The Returning Dead

, , , , , , | Related | July 6, 2019

(I’m working the returns desk and I have an older lady and her young granddaughter in my line.)

Me: “Could I see your card for your return?”

Lady: *digging around purse* “Where did I put my card?”

Girl: “I don’t know, Grandma.”

Lady: “Did you take it out?”

Girl: “I’m a zombie killer, not a stealer!”

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Grandchildren Grow On You, Like Fungus

, , , | Related | July 4, 2019

(I’m taking the bus to my workplace. Behind me are a grandmother and her grandchild, doing a crossword puzzle clearly intended for children. The kid is not nearly as interested as the grandmother seems to be.)

Grandmother: “All right, let’s see here. Three letters, ‘part of your foot.’ What do you think that could be?”

Kid: “I don’t know.”

Grandmother: “Come on. It’s fun! The clue is part… of… your… foot.”

Kid: “I… don’t… know.”

Grandmother: “Just take a guess! Here, look: what’s on Grandma’s foot right here?” *clearly indicating her toes*

Kid: *pause* “Fungus?”

(She quickly put down the crossword puzzle after that and said nothing else during the rest of the trip.)

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