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This Little Man Knows What Inflation Is

, , , , , , , | Right | August 10, 2022

I like to tease kids and tell them that their candy costs a million dollars. I ask them if they have that much and then “lower” the price until I reach the accurate price. Most kids will say no, they don’t have a million dollars, but every now and then, they’ll say that they do; it’s just at home or their parents have it. One little boy in particular sticks out, though.

Me: “Do you have a million dollars?”

Boy: “Not yet.”

I chuckle as I look at his father.

Me: “Ambitious!” *To the boy* “And when will you have it?”

Boy: “When I’m five.”

Me: *Cracking up* Very ambitious!”

The Age Of Absent Fathers

, , , , , , | Right | August 9, 2022

My biological father was a bit absent when I was a child (and not in the picture at all from my mid-teenage years, but that’s a different story) and therefore, he did not spend as much time with us as my older brother and I would have liked. This meant he was sometimes a bit oblivious about things regarding my brother and me, which we, of course, found a bit distressing.

We were visiting a zoo, and the following conversation took place at the entrance. It’s worth noting that it was free admission for children younger than four. I was five at the time.

Entrance Host: “And how many tickets would you like?”

Father: “One grown-up and one child. My youngest is only three.”

I was a bit annoyed at my father for forgetting such an important thing as my age.

Me: “But Dad! You’re forgetting that I’m five years old!”

The entrance host shared a look with my dad, who paid for my ticket, as well, without another word.

It was only when I got older that I realised that my age was probably NOT one of the things he was oblivious to.

Christmas Shopping Just Got A Lot Cheaper

, , , , | Related | July 28, 2022

I was babysitting my niece the evening before her sixth birthday while her mom was working and her dad (my brother-in-law) was at his rehearsal. I had just arrived, and my brother-in-law was getting ready to leave, when a package was delivered.

Brother-In-Law: *To my niece* “It’s probably for your birthday. Do you want to open it now or wait for mommy?”

My niece started jumping up and down excitedly.

Niece: “Open it now!”

My brother-in-law opened the package, and the first thing we can see was the packing air pillows that are used to cushion the contents.

Brother-In-Law: “Oh, look! It’s air!”

Niece: “Oh, I always wanted air!”

Nailed It On The First Try, Kiddo!

, , , , , | Learning | July 25, 2022

I’m working as a substitute teacher in a kindergarten class.

Boy #1: “Teacher, [Boy #2] said the H-word!”

Boy #2: “What the h*** is the H-word?”

I had to turn away because I started laughing.

The Young Teaching The Young

, , , , , , | Related | July 24, 2022

Some sixty years ago, Mom purchased one of those skinny sets of encyclopedias one found at the grocery store. If you spent a certain amount of money each week, you got each progressive volume for a discounted price or for free.

According to my mother (I remember NONE of this except the encyclopedias themselves), I could not get enough of those encyclopedias. I would start at A, read it through, and keep going all the way to Z. Then, I would start over. I also read them aloud to my younger brother, which means I had to be at least eight years old.

On a Sunday, after we got home from church and were still sitting in the car, my little brother piped up out of the blue to ask:

Brother: “How does the baby get in the mommy’s tummy?”

Mom said that she and Dad looked at each other, looked at my brother and at me, and then looked at each other again.

Mom: “We were expecting that question, but from you, not your brother. And we had no idea what to say.”

They didn’t have to say anything, as it turned out.

I apparently sighed with all the frustration of a very old person put through the wringer and said:

Me: “For heaven’s sake, [Brother]. Don’t you remember? I read you the article about whales. It said in the story how whales make babies, and Mommies and Daddies do things pretty much the same.”

Brother: “Oh, yeah. I forgot.”

My parents heaved a huge sigh of relief. And I probably went into the house, grabbed the encyclopedia, and began another reading cycle.