Someone’s Not Getting Any Dessert

, , , , , | Related | October 14, 2020

I am currently working from home. I’m near the end of an online chat with my supervisor.

Supervisor: “Oooh, I can smell cake from the kitchen.”

Me: “Yum, sounds nice. I’m not very good with cake.”

Then, my son yells out:

Son: “You are amazing with cake, Mum. Two seconds and it’s gone.”

Cheeky little bugger.

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Same, Kid. Same.

, , , , , | Related | October 10, 2020

When my son is seven, he starts telling my husband and me that he wants a baby brother or sister. One day, we are at a rather large family gathering. My sister is there with my niece, who is suffering due to teething and just having had vaccines yesterday, and she makes this suffering well known by screaming at the top of her lungs.

One of my relatives approaches my son and says she’s heard that he wants a little baby brother or sister. With a look of utter disdain that I think only kids can manage, he looks at my crying niece and then back to my relative.

Son: “Not if they sound like that, I don’t!”

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Next, They’ll Learn How To Draw Dinosaurs

, , , , , , | Learning | October 5, 2020

I work as a teacher’s assistant for a first-grade class, meaning I follow students to their specials. We are currently in art class watching the art teacher give a demonstration on how to draw an owl.

Two boys are sitting together at a table. [Student #1] is new to the school, while [Student #2] went here as a kindergartener. 

[Student #1] is impressed with the teacher’s work and upset with his own.

Student #1: “Aw, man, she’s really good!”

[Student #2] is trying to be comforting.

Student #2: “Don’t worry; she’s been doing this for 2,000 years!”

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Driving You To Learn

, , , , | Related | October 1, 2020

I have been seriously threatening to learn to drive for most of my four-year-old daughter’s life. I tell her that I will be going out to practice driving with her daddy after she goes to bed this evening.

Daughter: “You don’t need to go with Daddy! I can teach you driving!”

Me: “I know, but I need to go in the car to learn.”

Daughter: “No, you don’t! You just get in the car, put on your seat belt, and go—” *runs around and mimes steering* “—’VROOOOOOM!’”

She has “taught” me like this before. I’m glad to say it always starts with putting on the seat belt.

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O Brother, Where Art Thou?

, , , , | Related | September 23, 2020

I have two girls, ages four and two, and am visibly pregnant with my third child. My mother is watching the younger girl while I do a quick run to the grocery store with my elder daughter.

A random stranger comes up to me who clearly wants to rub my belly but is restraining herself.

Stranger: “Ooh, a new baby!” *To my daughter* “Are you hoping for a brother or a sister?”

My four-year-old speaks up VERY loudly in that way that only four-year-olds can.

Daughter: “I want a brother because I already have a sister and one’s enough of those.”

A nearby cashier tried very hard not to laugh.

My daughter did get her wish. She and her sister are still very close, though, thirty-five years later!

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