When In Love, There Is No “Maybe”

, , , , , | Romantic | June 13, 2018

(My 16-year-old sister and her boyfriend are sitting together before church. A young girl who is in the Sunday school class my sister teaches walks up to them. My sister is shy and very easily embarrassed.)

Girl: “Hi, [Sister]! Hey, who’s that?”

Sister: “Oh, this is [Boyfriend].”

Girl: “Oh, okay.” *pauses* “Wait, is he your boyfriend?

Sister: *blushing furiously* “Er… Yes.”

Girl: *delighted* “Are you in love with each other?”

Sister: “Uh… Um… Heh… I really don’t know how to answer that—”

(The girl reaches out and pats her on the shoulder.)

Girl: “You just say yes, or no!”

Deaf To Your Wit

, , , , , | Friendly | June 13, 2018

(My mother is a children’s librarian at the public library. Sometimes I volunteer to help out during story time. My mother’s coworker has the day off, and she and her six-year-old daughter come in. The little girl has a hearing impairment that requires her to wear hearing aids. As I’m supervising the kids during crafts, I hear this gem:)

Little Boy: *running around before he stops and taps her on the shoulder* “Hey, what are those things on your ears?”

Coworker’s Daughter: *turns around to address him* “They’re my hearing devices. They help me listen. You could probably use some.” *turns back around and goes back to her craft*

Generation Gap In Their Knowledge

, , , , , | Learning | June 5, 2018

(I volunteer as a teacher’s aide at the same primary school as my father, who is in his late forties. We both have the same distinct last name, so everyone realizes that we’re related. Our exact relationship, however, confuses a lot of kids.)

Kid #1: “Hey, I know you! You’re [Dad]’s sister!”

Kid #2: “Are you [Dad]’s wife?”

Kid #3: “My friend told me that you were [Dad]’s mummy.”

(Finally…)

Kid #4: “Hey, aren’t you [Dad]’s daughter?”

Me: “Yes, I am. Not a lot of people think I’m his daughter right away. They think I’m his sister, or his wife.”

Kid #4: “But that’s weird. You’re really young, and he’s really old. He’s like eighty, or something!”

(So close, kid. So close.)

Doesn’t Hold A Candle To What They Said

, , , , , | Related | June 4, 2018

(This happens when my sister and I are kids. My sister has just learned how to light matches and is very proud of herself.)

Sister: *to our mom* “Can I light a candle and send it to [Aunt] to show her how good I am at it?”

Me: “That would be dangerous. You should freeze the candle before you send it so it doesn’t catch the box on fire.”

(As best as I recall, neither of us was joking.)

Not Being Five Makes Them All Sixes And Sevens

, , , | Related | June 2, 2018

(I am second in line behind a woman and a child at a buffet-style restaurant. At this restaurant, one child five years old or younger will eat free with the purchase of an adult meal.)

Woman: “One adult and a five-year-old.”

Child: “I AM SEVEN!”

Cashier: “One adult and a five-year-old.”

Child: “NO, I AM SEVEN!”

Cashier: “Okay. An adult and a seven-year-old.”

(The cash register screen displays an adult and free child. The mother pays, thanks the cashier, and then leaves.)

Me: “Kid didn’t want a free meal, huh?”

Cashier: “Guess not.”

(In the background we hear the kid yelling.)

Child: “I AM SEVEN. YOU KNOW I AM SEVEN. WHY WOULD YOU SAY I AM FIVE?!”

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