Halflings Are People, Too!

, , , , | Friendly | February 26, 2019

(I live in an apartment building. A woman and her young child from my floor go to the elevator at the same time as me. The elevator already has a person in it. The kid looks around at everyone once the doors close, and he starts talking to his mom.)

Kid: “There’s three people in the elevator.”

Mom: “What about you? Don’t you count as a people?”

Kid: “I’m tiny.”

Mom: “Are you half a people?”

Kid: “No!”

Mom: “Are you a whole people?”

Kid: “Yes.”

Mom: “Then don’t you count?”

Kid: “I have short legs.”

They Got A Little Lost…

, , , , | Right | February 21, 2019

(I volunteer at a children’s museum in Florida that has an airboat simulator. The ride has about an eight-minute wait, so I like to talk to the kids in line about the Everglades to make it feel shorter.)

Me: “Okay, can anyone name an animal that lives in the Everglades?”

Kids: “Alligator!”

Me: “Besides alligators.”

Kids: “Uh… birds! Snakes!”

Me: “Could you be more specific?”

(Right behind them is a wall with pictures and names of over a dozen Everglades animals.)

Little Girl: “Hippopotamus!”

This Cookie Crumbles Most Efficiently

, , , , , | Related | February 20, 2019

Our family was having dinner at my mom’s house. At the conclusion of the meal, Nana told my youngest son — twelve years old — he could have a cookie if he helped clear the table. He promptly seized the cookie with one hand and took an enormous bite while collecting utensils with the other hand. Nana suggested gently that the cookie was for after the table was cleared, to which my son replied with a mischievous grin, through a mouthful of cookie crumbs, “But Nana! I’m just multitasking!”

All You’re Ever Gonna Be Is Mean

, , , , , | Learning | February 20, 2019

I work with kindergarten students who have special needs. I have a handful of them that I instruct daily. One little boy, [Student #1], is very self-sufficient — or tries very hard to be, anyway — but still requires my help with schoolwork. He likes to call me “mean” whenever he doesn’t get his way. I take it in stride and tell him that those are not nice words. One day, I end up busy with one of my less-independent students, [Student #2], who needs my attention all day due to a meltdown.

Due to this, [Student #1] has a different helper for a few hours who is “nice” and lets him get away with bad behavior to some extent.

At the end of the day when [Student #2] is picked up by their parents, I am talking to the helper, getting caught up on [Student #1].

[Student #1] looks over at me, smiles his very sweet smile, and says to me, “Can you please go away now?”

I laugh so hard I snort and the helper just stares at him like, “Did he really just say that?” while [Student #1] is just smiling away.

Surprise! It’s Gender Stereotypes!

, , , , , | Related | February 15, 2019

(My two nieces — aged little and littler — and a friend of mine are over. Unfortunately, [Niece #1] has a stomach bug, so no dairy. Before my friend came over, my mother told me to get a “surprise” for [Niece #2] while [Niece #1] snuggled and watched cat videos with her. The surprise was yogurt. A few hours later, [Niece #1] is feeling more energetic after a nap and decides to hang out with me and my friend. After a while, she decides she’s hungry:)

Niece #1: “[My Name], I want a surprise like you gave [Niece #2]. I’m hungry.”

Me: “Uh, hold on a second, sweetie.”

(I text my mother and ask what I can give [Niece #1]. After waiting for a couple moments, [Niece #1] starts waving a wand.)

Friend: “Oh, are you trying to turn [My Name] into something?”

Niece #1: “No.”

Me: “What about a frog? Can you turn me into a frog? I want to be a frog.”

Niece #1: “No! I’m not trying to turn you into something. I’m… I’m trying to turn you into the kitchen!”

(Note, I am female.)

Me: “Oh, is that where I belong?”

Niece #1: “Yeah.”

(Luckily, after the laughing stopped I got the all-clear to give her a popsicle.)

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