Give The Stork The Receipt

, , , | Related | October 24, 2017

(When I was three years old, my brother was born. Initially I was pleased to have a baby brother. But at some point he got on my nerves, and I said to my mum:)

Me: “Can you please put him back?!”

They Need A Course Correction

, , , , , , , | Related | October 23, 2017

(My little sister is just about at that age where she is learning about sex and starting to ask questions about it. One day my dad and I are watching a show with her when, out of the blue, this happens.)

Sister: “[My Name], what do they call it when a boy puts his thingy inside the girl’s thingy?”

Me: *sputters, looking for an answer*

Dad: “Intercourse!”

Sister: “Oh, I get it! Because it goes in, of course!”

Should Have Egg-spected That

, , , , | Related | October 19, 2017

(I’ve always believed in answering my sons’ questions honestly. On the road to a grocery one day, one of them asks how babies are made. I explain. The four-year-old looks very thoughtful while we shop. However, he stays quiet until we are surrounded by senior citizens in the checkout line. Then, loudly and clearly, he asks:)

Son: “But how does the sperm get to the egg?”

Makes You Blush Purple

, , , , , | Related | October 18, 2017

(My girls’ soccer team is having a trip to Munich for some sightseeing and visiting the famous soccer arena located there. Our families are invited to come along, too, and my family goes with us since none of us have ever been to Munich. We are on a tram to our next location, when suddenly my seven-year-old sister exclaims:)

Sister: “Mama! There’s a purple banana; I want one, too!”

(We all turn around to see what she is pointing to, and sure enough, it is billboard of a campaign against AIDS, featuring a bundle of bananas in brightly colored condoms. All of us teenage girls turn beet-red when we realize that the whole car has heard us, but my mom is unfazed.)

Mother: “Sure, sweetie, but it’s not really purple. It’s just protection to make sure the banana doesn’t get sick.”

Sister: “Aw, that’s boring. Then I don’t want one.”

(I’ve considered getting my sister a banana in a purple condom for her 16th birthday, just to remind her of it.)

Comeback To That Comeback

, , , , , , | Related | October 17, 2017

(I don’t catch the first part of this conversation, but the gist of it is: My brother-in-law makes a comment to my niece, she makes a comeback, and is told off for it with this parenting gem.)

Sister: “I don’t care if you’re insulting, just so long as you’re witty! Now, something that might have made a better comeback..” *whispers into [Niece]’s ear*

Niece: “Okay. Daddy, can you say it again?”

Brother-In-Law: “[Niece], I have a bag here; I’d like you to put your attitude into it.”

Niece: “Silly Daddy, my attitude wouldn’t be able to fit.”

Page 16/17First...1314151617
« Previous
Next »