Sick Or Treating

, , , | Related | April 15, 2018

(It’s Halloween. I’m about eight years old. I’m wearing a costume my mother made me: a giant chocolate donut. All day long, I’ve been woozy, my face is red, and I am sluggish. Despite my protests, because I want to finish trick-or-treating, my mom takes me to the hospital, and I find out I caught pneumonia.)

Nurse: *upon seeing my unhappy face* “Aw, sweetie, not feeling well?”

Me: “I’m missing trick-or-treating!”

Nurse: “But don’t you want to get better?”

Me: “I want candy!”

Nurse: “Well, I have some Tootsie Rolls here.”

Me: “I want better candy!”

Nurse: *to my mother* “Well, at least we know what her priorities are!” *to me* “All right, how about some lollipops, instead? I love your costume! You’re a… What are you?”

Me: *frustrated* “I’m a donut! Obviously!”

(The majority of my memories are of me being upset I missed Halloween. I barely remember being sick.)

Too Old Too Fast

, , , | Related | April 13, 2018

(I’ve just had a baby. My niece is almost five and has been wanting to play with my newborn daughter.)

Me: “[Baby] is too young to play with you yet; just wait until she grows a bit.”

Niece: “She’s too young?”

Me: “Yes. You just have to wait a few months.”

Niece: “Oh, but by then, I’ll be at school and will be too old to play with babies.”

When The F-Bomb Is Also A Stink Bomb

, , , , , , | Related | April 12, 2018

(My parents always made a big deal about swearing when I was little. I was also a stickler for the rules, and hated breaking them, even by accident. I am about four when this happens:)

Me: “Mom, I know what the F-word is!”

Mom: “We do not say that word in this house! That is a very rude word, and I don’t ever want to hear you say it.”

(Later that night, as Mom is tucking me into bed:)

Me: “I am sorry, Mom; I didn’t know ‘fart’ was a swear word.”

Mom: *after a moment’s pause* “Yes. Yes it is. Good night, dear.”

Lost But So Very, Very Found

, , , , | Related | April 10, 2018

(This is back when my late husband is three or four years old. His family goes to another state to a well-known amusement park as a treat. While his parents’ backs are turned, he runs away. Being only four years old, my late husband is as fearless as our three-year-old daughter is now. When his mother finds out he was missing, they have security and many employees look for him, while she is beside herself, scared that her son is missing, or worse, kidnapped. They finally find him by one of the attractions, and while she is so mad at him, she can’t help but cry and hug him, prompting questions from him, and a silly answer.)

Husband: “Mama, why are you crying?”

Mother: “I was so scared!”

Husband: “But why were you scared? I’m okay!”

Mother: “We didn’t know where you were!”

Husband: “But, Mama! I knew where I was the whole time!”

(From what I understand, his entire family laughed so hard he didn’t get into trouble for that, but they have never gone back to that park since. When this was told to me, my reaction went from shock to laughing so hard I fell off the chair onto the floor, and my husband laughed right along with me. Knowing the memories of him like that makes me smile from time to time. Then, I have to remember I have his mini-me.)

Such A Cute Little Cookie

, , , , | Related | April 4, 2018

(A grandma and her little grandson have just picked out a cupcake decorated to look like a sundae for him, and I ask if today is special. It turns out the little boy fell at school and has a minor injury on his head. Feeling bad, I go for the free cookies the store gives out to children.)

Me: “I know something that might make that feel better. Would you like a cookie?”

Boy: “No.”

Grandma & Me: “No?”

Boy: “Maybe tomorrow.”

Grandma: “Maybe tomorrow?”

(We both laughed, and I waved goodbye as the little boy clutched his packaged cupcake. I hope the little cutie feels better!)

Page 16/35First...1415161718...Last